The following is a response that I made to a man on the Path Partners web site concerning expectations and surprises. When this man asked his wife what she wanted for her birthday she quickly responded saying that all she wanted was to go on an all day shopping trip with her girlfriends, which he readily agreed she should do. Several days after her birthday she was in a deep funk and when asked why...she admitted to her husband that she expecteda surprise birthday party. He was confounded by this admission, as he thought he had given her exactly what she had wanted for her birthday...the shopping trip. So, why is it that we, as women don't realize our husbands don't understand our expectations? Whydon't we tell our husbands or family what we really want? Well, here is a little bit of what I understand......

AAAAAHHHHHH, expectation and surprise...the one thing that little girls and big girls love.................and the one thing that men just don't get!!!!!Now, I will admit that there are some women out there that don't like to be surprised....Oprah for instance hates to be surprised....at least that is what she says...but for some reason people just love surprising her...look at the BIG surprise all of her friends and co-workers did for her on her 50th birthday...it was one surprise after the other...the bigger the better...every year since they have done something to surprise her...they try to out due themselves!!!!First of all I think they do it because they know she hates it...but on the other hand they do it because they love this woman beyond words, they want to give back to her what she has given them and when it really gets right down to it...it is just plain fun and satisfying to give someone else pleasure when they least expect it.I believe Oprah tolerates the surprises because she understands why they love doing this for her....because she is the Queen of Surprise and loves surprising others...remember the car give-away....her my favorite things shows...how about the "In Your Wildest Dreams" shows.Okay...so you can see I am addicted to Oprah...but I think this is an excellent example of why women love surprising others and having others surprise them.Surprising someone takes a lot of care, planning and love....it must be just right....it is thrilling...adventurous and ultimately fulfilling.Surprising someone is a statement of love, respect, admiration and humbling all at the same time...it is the perfect gift...it says "You are special to me/us!"..."You deserve this!"Most importantly...no one is going to ask for a surprise party....it is a surprise after all. Wanting a surprise party for her 40th birthday I am sure was something your W dreamed about and hoped for...it would have been a perfect gift, at a pivotal time in her life...it would have told her that she was okay....she had earned and deserved being in the spotlight...it would have shown that you and others appreciated her efforts...but more importantly loved her so much that you had taken the time, effort and money to lift her up in to the spotlight on a very special day in her life. A surprise party says "You are worthy".

Okay…..I just read the above paragraph to my H and his response was…”Are ya trying to make this guy feel bad? ‘Cause if you are, you will succeed!”The answer to my H’s question is…No…I am not trying to make you feel bad…I am trying to explain to you why her expectation was not met when it came to the difference between the shopping trip and the surprise party…she actually wanted both.She was actually getting herself out of town or out of the house so you could prepare.She was hoping that you were doing this for her without actually coming out and asking for it.She would have probably done this for you.I know this is extremely aggravating to most men….because they mean what they say and say what they mean.Remember you are Mars…we are Venus….you are driven by the physical…we are driven by the emotional…

Ladies...as this story proves...we have to be more clear about what we expect and if we are not...we can not be disappointed when are expectations aren't met. We have to realize that we are driven by the emotional and men take things on face value.Men fix things. Women take care and nurture things. If indeed you want a surpise party for your birthday...you need to drop this hint long before the actual day arrives...most guys won't think of this. I have learned the hard way that I have to make sure that my husband knows exactly whatI like and want. I can't beat around the bush any longer. Maybe the solution to this problem was that this woman should have admitted she wanted a party and her husband give her complete control and a budget to stay within and then within the party he could of had a surprise for her. Ever since Oprah's 50th birthday bash...I dropped the hint that I wanted to celebrate my brithday just like Oprah. But when my 50th rolled around, circumstances wouldn't allow a celebration of this caliber and it wouldnot havebeen a celebration I could have wholely participated...a long story...BUT...I will have a party like this one day, even if it has to be one that I plan to becelebrated after I have breathed my last breath. I have decided that one day I would like a "Gold Dress Gala" and it won't be a celebration of me...but a celebrationfor women...women coming together celebrating their lives and what they have acheived!!

Stay tuned....I will be blogging my dreams for a "Gold Dress Gala....