I am still confident of this:
I will see the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living.
Wait for the LORD;
Be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD.
Psalm 27:12-14

Today I face war, literally.  I am tempted to be afraid.  I am tempted to feel betrayed.  I am angry at God, at the military, at my husband, at the way life keeps throwing me curve balls and wild pitches that swerve off course and scare me as they rocket toward me, deadly bullets.  

My husband has been told to pack, to prepare to return to war.  This is no small deal.  This is not managing a bank branch or overseeing a construction contract or preaching a carefully prepared sermon.  This is the real thing.  This is war.

I cried myself to sleep last night, unable to find comfort in anything or anyone, even God.  I don't know where God is.   I have put all this in His hands.  I know He is still Lord.  He is just as much Lord today as He's been on all my hope-filled, brighter, light-hearted days.  He is still Lord on this painful, confusing, fearful day.   His character, His promises to me, His love for me remain unchanged.  Only my circumstances have changed.  I keep reminding myself that my joy, my strength, and my hope do not depend on the happenings of my life.  My joy, my strength and my hope are all found in God, regardless of what is unfolding around me or what lies ahead for me.  

Thank you, Lord, that You are totally in control of the decisions the nations' leaders are making presently.  This is not an ordinary deployment, Lord.  That would be hard enough, with all its emotions, natural fears and inherent dangers.  This is war, Lord.  War.  Men will die unless by Your miraculous intervention You cover them.   I pray that you will shield my husband by your favor, by Your very hand, from all weapons.  Let no weapon prosper that is formed against him.  

I will rely on You every second to be with him and to be with me here at home.  I choose not to lean on my own understanding.  If I do, I'll go crazy!  Bind the ugly spirit of fear from me, from my husband, from our children, from our family and friends.  Draw us closer to You through all of this, to hear You, to see You, to serve You better than ever before.  And when it's all over, may we never revert to the place from which You moved us, grew us and strengthened us.  Help us, at this difficult intersection, to choose to stay on the road You've marked out for us in Your perfect wisdom and love.

Use me, Lord, as You see best.  Don't allow me to be overcome by fear or paralyzed by hopelessness or anger.  Empty me of me and fill me with You.  Not mine, but Your will be done.