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I have befriended a woman I've known for approximately two and a half years now and it has recently dawned on me that she truly is not my friend. I recall when we first met on a group trip to Florida, she was married (and legally still is) and gave me all this advice about being in a relationship with a man, that a man should be able to afford to do this... and a man should be able to afford to do that.... it was always about "Him" paying for something... Well clearly, I was not compelled to take her advice, something about it just didn't seem right to me. We started out as what I thought was good friends.
Since that time I've learned that she hasn't had a real job in 7 yrs and was being taken care of by her husband whom she has been seperated from for the last year and a half. She pretended to reconcile with him and somehow got him to move out of the house and has been struggling ever since to pay the bills. Now I know exactly what she mean by the advice she was trying to give me. She be with men and get them to pay her bills, but complains about them which drives them off. I know, I know, there's a name for that... LOL
She also has obtained a Master’s degree in Healthcare, but finding it difficult to find a job due to no job experience. I think it is hard for her because she takes, takes, takes and doesn’t give anything to anyone. I’ve tried all I could to be a good friend to her, I would always invite her to events and functions that I was invited to but I noticed that she never invited me to anything she attended and last summer for a while she stopped taking my phone calls and most of which she didn’t return; she met a new set of friends and kinda forgot about me so we became distant. At first it hurt my feelings as I felt I was nothing but a good friend to her, but I quickly got over it and moved on.
For the past 5 months I’ve been in a relationship with a wonderful man. He’s kind, considerate and we have a lot in common. She knows he’s financially generous to me, although I don’t ask him for anything. I’m a RN and I am financially able to take care of myself and I’ve never believed in using a man or anyone for my gain. I notice everytime my girlfriend calls she always ask me about him and how is our relationship going and as usual I say wonderful, couldn’t be better.
She has call to borrow items in which she would come right over to get, and of course when he’s here with me she would end up staying a couple of hours talking. Recently she calls me a little more. I do care about her and want to be her friend, but it’s hard giving of myself when I feel like this is a friendship of convenience on just one side. I don’t invite her to anything anymore as she don’t invite me to anything either. Last week she said, you haven’t invited me over for dinner in a while or to watch movies on your new big screen TV (my boyfriend bought me a 60” smart TV in 3D for Christmas)... Today she called and I returned the call when I got out of church. She asked what was I doing today, I said I was going to my Aunt’s house to cook dinner for her, and that I was going to be with family and she stated that she was all alone and didn’t have anyone to hang out with. I got the impression that she wanted me to invite her along, I just said that I would call her later. I told my aunt about this and she said I should have invited her. I didn’t want to be fake in my emotions therefore I didn’t. My aunt said I should be nice to her because I am a christian and I should treat her better than she has treated me. I used to have her over for dinner all the time and invite her to watch movies with me in the past, but I never get invitations to her house or to hang out with her and her family, so I stopped. I don’t want or need the negative energy around me
I’m not vendictive but I don’t want to be overly friendly with someone who uses people either..

Member Comments

    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Mzpris wrote Jul 8, 2013
    • I know exactly what you mean, I have had a few that took me for a ride like that,So I started spending time with only the one that treated me like I treat them,, good friends are so hard to find,, (Keep your head up) you seem like a Great Friend !! No one need toxic friends only real ones

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