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Hi everyone, this is my first blog post here and I figured it would be a good place to post it.....

Here is the scenario:   My fiance of 13+ years just purchased a bar with his friend.  Now, he has been really sweet and nice to me and said he wants me to be a part of this - the only problem is, it seems like he doesn’t want me there......I know he is really busy right now getting everything up and running and just becoming familiar with the bar business “from behind the bar“, and once that all starts to fall in to place then we will establish some sort of a routine....but it just seems like whenever I ask a question, he snaps at me or is short with me.  We see very little of each other (I work days and he is at the bar until late).  Oh, and to make it even more interesting - we have had only one vehicle for the past few months so he has be driving me to and from work  (hopefully I get my car back from the mechanic tomorrow).  He hasn’t complained about driving me to work, but I’m beginning to feel like I’m being a burden.  

I am really excited for him and happy for him because this is something he really wanted to do, but I feel like I’m being left out.......and it doesn’t help that I’ve been stuck @ home without a car while he is at the bar nights & weekends.  

I’ve been really good and haven’t complained or screamed or yelled or bitched about the situation - because I know it is only temporary and once everything gets organized it will be better - or at least, I will have a car again so I can go to the grocery store if I want.

Is it wrong for me to feel left out?   Or am I being selfish?  There are nights when I am just so damn lonely!  I would like to tell him this, but I don’t want to make him mad.

Any suggestions or thoughts on how to work through this situation?    

My birthday is coming up and he has promised me he would take the day off and do something with me, but deep down - I know that probably won’t happen.....

He has told me that I’ll be able to pop in and see him at the bar when I get home from work nights - but I don’t know if he really means that.....

Maybe I just needed to get all this down in writing somewhere....thanks for reading...



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Member Comments

    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Vikki Hall wrote Apr 9, 2009
    • Thx for sharing your concerns with us. Have you tried to talk to him and let him know your concerns?
      We are here to listen whenever you want. Good Luck!



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Jenni0811 wrote Apr 9, 2009
    • I have had many nights and days feeling left out of my partner’s life. I now realize, after 50 years, that it is only ME that is responsible for making ME happy and satisfied. I am adapting rather well, I must say. This is not to say that I don’t miss time spent with my BF.....the difference is that the time spent away does not negate our relationship or cause me to become “unhappy“. If anything...I become engorged with hope and fantasy looking towards the day/night we will finally get to spend time together. It’s an aphrodisiac!!



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Denise Richardson wrote Apr 9, 2009
    • Hello there, glad you felt like sharing with us here. Have you suggusted he let you drop him off at the bar seeing he’s there most night late anyhow and that would free you up with the car to get errands or what have you done. Hopefully this will all pan out soon, but I’m not feeling the aggressiveness in his attitude towards you.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Mz. Queen wrote Apr 9, 2009
    • First of all glad to have you on the site, in the famly. If it was my life he wouldn’t still be my fiance after 13 years I deserve more. I deserve a committment. And sure as hell I wouldn’t be stuck anywhere if he didn’t use the vehicle every hour that he had it.

      47ntired



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Cindylouwho1966 wrote Apr 9, 2009
    • I was a lot like your fiance when it came to work. I’d get so in the zone that any call or interruption from my then-spouse was enough to send me around the bend.

      You really ought to ask him about that. Take the stance of-I appreciate all you're doing, but I need to know how you really feel about my involvement/interruptions/needing a ride. It seems like you are mad at me and I just want to understand where you are coming from.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Kelly Robertson wrote Apr 9, 2009
    • The first thing that hit me was that you’ve been engaged for 13 years.  Or did I read that wrong?



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Jenz ~ wrote Apr 9, 2009
    • Good luck!!! And welcome to our fab40 fam!



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      UK Girl wrote Apr 10, 2009
    • Welcome to Fab40 and hope you don’t feel lonely now.

      But 13 years engaged do you or he actually wnat to get married.
      I also understand about being in the work zone and switching off from everything else - but when you do step outs side there is nothing there ...... work isn’t everything.

      I think the suggestion about the car is a good one so you can have a life and also you can share the giving lifts to each other ....



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Denise Richardson wrote Apr 10, 2009
    • Hi again, I'm re-reading your post and I'm in agreeance with some of the other ladies here on the fact that being engaged to someone for 13+ years as you put it is a bit much, does he intend on really marrying you? Not trying to add more fuel to the fire but come on let's not kid ourselves or shall I say YOU shouldn't allow HIM to be kidding you when the both of you are calling each other fiancee'/fiance. Come on now life is too short to allow anyone to string you along and to have drama added. You need to begin setting some boundaries and standards with him in your relationship if its going to continue, you need to know where do you really stand and if he is intending on marrying you when? Why would anyone be with someone that long calling them their fiance'? I know some people like living together without commiting to marriage but you're telling us that you're engaged to this man. I'm not here to make you feel any worse than you probably are feeling but here we're opened and honest with those who come here and ask for advise and we also try to see things with eyes wide open and from what you posted says more to me than meets the eye, there needs to be some real understanding between you and him and he needs to draw the line with you on where the relationship is headed, just my (5 cents no harm intended) happy



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Kelly Robertson wrote Apr 10, 2009
    • Okay, so I did read that right ... you’ve been engaged for 13 years.  

      If you think about just that alone, I think you’ll find your answer.  

      Sent with love, kelly



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Mjmurphy wrote Apr 11, 2009
    • I totally don’t think it is wrong for you to be feeling left out or that you are being selfish, in fact you are obviously far from selfish and put his needs above yours. Try a change and put yourself first, I guarantee you that a whole new world will open up for you!



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