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I really need some feedback on a situation and hope many of you can give me some insight on how to handle this.  

I have 3 friends from high school.  We moved around alot when I was growing up until my dad died suddenly in 1982 and we moved to Hurst, TX.  It was so difficult but my parents owned a rental house and my mother had never held a full time job.  I met these 3 girls in different classes and we were all friends in different ways.  

One was a senior - Dee and she was my cooler, older friend (I was a sophomore.)  Lee  and I are the same age and she didn’t have any sisters, only 2 older brothers - 15 yrs apart! Lori was a new arrival to the area as well and we just clicked.  

We have weathered the storms of life locally and via letters and phone calls.  Lori was from IN and moved back in early 1990s so we have been pen pals ever since.  Lee relocated in 1996 to AR for work but her parents live locally until this Feb when they passed away and again, we have been e-mail and phone call buddies.  

Dee lives local, never lived very far and has been the day to day friend...until 3 years ago.  Dee went through a type of mid life crisis about 4 years ago - left her hubby of almost 20 years with all 5 of their kids (2 girls and 3 boys), started dating, going out and trying to “live for herself” for the first time in her mind.  I can’t say I agreed but it was her life and I decided to stay impartial.  When Dee’s husband called me crying, wanting direction I gave general ideas and helped him watch the kids while he worked on weekends extra shifts.  She would call me and tell me how he just didn’t understand and she needed her time.  I never told the other what was said in our discussions or what was going in their lives - I left them to talk and discuss what was going on. Dee ran wild for about 4 months then decided to come back home and settle back in.  He took her back with a few new rules - being more open, talking about feelings and new promises of counseling and parenting duties being shared.  Shortly after their reconcilation - I get a long scathing e-mail from Dee -about how I was supposed to be her friend and not his, that I should support her more and leave him to is own to figure things out and not be a “part time” wife.  We met for lunch and she just started yelling that she found e-mails I had sent him telling him to keep praying for his marriage and family but she now felt I was not supporting her and was spying to keep him in the loop. Also it wasn’t my place to raise her kids and she didn’t appreciate me covering for him as that was his biggest problem - he never had to do anything himself.  I took her ranting and raving, apologized and told her I would honor her decision to back away. She started crying and said I was her oldest friend and she didn’t want to lose me and we could start fresh.  Needless to say, I curbed back my phone calls and e-mails to keep a low profile.  No more weekend dinners with our families (I was a single parent all this time of 1 boy)  

2 months later I get a new scathing e-mail about how I am failing her as a best friend.  I told her she couldn’t have both - a part time best friend who was there all the time.  So she told me her marriage counselor said we needed to rebuild our friendship.  I said o.k. and started calling weekly again.  After 3 phone calls in one week and each call being more bizarre than the last, I told her she needed therapy as she was bouncing all over the place.  She found a personal therapist, changed her diet and seemed to be doing better.  She got a new job she loved and they built a nice house about 20 mins away. Several months passed then one week nothing - no calls, no return e-mails, no invitations to dinners or family parties.  I sent personal e-mails, drove over to find no one home after being invited for a Home Interiors party, left voice mails that were never returned.  So after alot of prayers and soul searching, I walked away completely.  

I got an invitation to their oldest daughter’s graduation.  I showed up, went to dinner with the family and heard from all the kids about how much they missed my son and I and we needed to get together more often.  Then again nothing.  So I walked away completely.  Next time I got a birthday party invitation for the oldest boy (he is 6 months older than my son) I sent back no attend RSVP.  

I met my future hubby about 6 months later.  One day I get a message on Myspace from Dee congratulating me on the new guy and how she wanted to meet that next week to hear all about him.  I said give me a call as I heard she is a director over 4 centers and know she is really busy (saw a post on her Myspace page as well as heard from a former womens prayer group member).  She launched into a speech about how I needed to call her if I wanted to know what is going on in her life. I just let it drop and deleted her from my friends list. A year later as I prepared to marry, the day of the wedding I get a call from same mutual friend asking if I had sent Dee an invitation.  I told her no as I felt Dee no longer wanted my friendship or share in my new life so I felt it best to move on.  She begged me to call and invite Dee and as I really didn’t have the emotional fortitude to say no - I told her if she wanted to call Dee and invite her, that was fine but I didn’t have time.  She called back and said Dee had plans but would call me next week to discuss.  I reminder her that I would be on my honeymoon and she would have to call the week after.  Dee called my office every day I was out telling me how selfish I was to not include her - she had always been there for me in the bad times and I choose to exclude her from my one good time. I listen to first 2 messages and just deleted the rest.  

Now I get to the current time and hope you are still with me...LOL.  Last week I got a message from Dee on Facebook.  she found me via same mutual friend to tell me her oldest daughter is having a baby shower and she wants my address.  She said she hoped I had not fired her as a friend and looks forward to catching up.  that was it after all this time. I have lived in the same house for 14 years so I figure she has it but wants to catch up.  I did a quick check on her page - she is now a lesbian in a committed relationship, has taken her partner’s last name and has walked out on her kids again.   I really miss the kids as does my son but I am thinking I should count my losses and keep moving forward.  Lori and Lee are totally shocked she would contact me after all this time. Lori lost touch with Dee after her move.  Lee is the same - they actually had words at my mother’s funeral 10 years ago when Dee told her she was a better friend as Lee only showed up to be supportive after the fact.  Lori says go and see how it flows.  Lee says cut the losses - send a gift and roll on.  My hubby thinks it is way too much drama and he really isn’t keen on this friendship starting up again.  Even my ex was shocked when our friendship broke off but he told me later that she was always too pushy for his taste but enjoyed having another family to be around and appreciated their being there for me when our marriage fell apart.  

So Ladies of Fab 40 - I think I have answered my own question in typing this out yet I would like to hear what you think.  PS - she isn’t on any meds that I know of (first thing my hubby asked LOL) and told our friend this is just people changing over time.  She left out the point about her new relationship and figure she will spring this on me at the shower.




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