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For Better Or Worse vs Better Off Alone

When we may say the words "for better or worse," we're really hoping that our married life falls mostly on the better side of that vow.  And that our worst case scenarios involve nothing more serious than disagreements over the proper way to squeeze the toothpaste tube, sleepless nights with ill children or perhaps arguments involving money.  Nothing so horrible that we can't handle the "worst."

But life doesn't always work the way we want it to.  And when the bad days start to outnumber the good ones, when we just can't take one more slap to our ego, one more sleepless night wondering if our husband is going to home drunk, one more lipstick stain on his white shirt, well, then that promise must be broken.

At first, we may try marriage counseling and in some cases, this does work.  In others it doesn't.  The marriage is just not fixable.  In that case, it's time to say "I'm outta here," pack our bags and head for the big D.

And while Divorce isn't something we anticipated, it's not a horrible end-all situation.  We are simply saying this union isn't working.  I'm taking "me" back, and that is a huge step.

  

It can often be easier to sit back and let the marriage devour you.  Let the bad eat you up until one day you're sixty and you look in the mirror and say WTF.  What have I done with my life?

  

I've known too many women who have waited too long, settling for too little.  And I have also known women who have stepped through the D exit and made a better life for themselves.

Because Divorce is not the end.  It's actually a new beginning.

  

Sure, it won't be all sunshine and roses.  That couple you hung out with every Saturday night may join forces with your husband and think of you as the evil ex.  You may lose a friend who you thought would be there for you forever.  But then was she really a friend?

    

If you didn't have to work, you may now have to get a job to provide for you and your children.

  

You may have many, many battles in court over property, money, custody.  And face days when you wonder why you left in the first place.  It wasn't really that bad, was it?  So what if your marriage wasn't an equal partnership? So what if you weren't very happy?  

So what?

You only have one life to live.  And you better make the best of it.  You may have broken a sacred vow but in the end you still have yourself.

And isn't that what's most important?

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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Denise Richardson wrote Oct 23, 2011
    • Great post Janie,  what happens after all the celebrating is over and the reality of life in marriage sets in, people for get that no one said marriage was going to be a bed of roses, the same thing you did to get your mate you must keep the home fires going to keep them as well as learn to love unconditionally and without closing the doors of communication. People forget that it takes work on a continued basis you never stop working on your marriage because there is something new happening in it each new day the two of you wake up next to each other, it could be financial, sickness, death of a loved one which may bring stress to one or the other it could be so many factors that could bring a gap in a marriage but it takes the "TWO!"  to keep working hard at keeping the unity of the marriage.

      No one will have or can ever say that they have a perfect marriage because in this life that is just not so, but you can learn to live close to it if you work mutually at it. Learn to peacefully disagree on things as well as compromise on other things and remember to honor, repsect each other and keep other folk out of your marriage, no one can fix your marraige issues but the two involved in the marriage. I know we all have those special friends we run to, to cry on their shoulder when things go wrong in our relationships, but always remember that what you put out there to others about your marriage issues could come back to haunt you if you‘re not careful. Learn to talk to your mate, beyond the anger, breathe take a walk and come back and sit and talk things out if possible.

      I remember early in my marriage like I shared in another post how my hubby wasn’t the most compassionate man in the beginning of our marriage, but, I used to sit and write him letters pouring out my feelings to him on paper as to how he made me feel on whatever subject we were having heated fellowship in at the time and in doing so it helped me to put all my feelings out there for him to see, hear as well as feel on paper and it worked miracles, so we would do it from time to time and it along with some other tricks helped us understand one another more and more. So I say to all try to work on it and find new ways to learn to love on each other again. No one wants to be alone, after being in a marriage relationship.hearthappy



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Janie Emaus wrote Oct 23, 2011
    • Neicy,  

       Thanks for your insightful comment.
      Janie



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Momofthreeprincess wrote Oct 23, 2011
    • Some days find myself is hard.  The last 10 years of my marriage was like watching a very bad Jerry Springer show.  I made my mistakes, just as much as he did, but I have three girls that need me to be strong.  What was the worst thing about my divorce was not losing the friends, or respect of others, it was coming to the realization that fairytales do not come true.  There is not “Prince Charming” that is going to show up on a white horse and wisk me off to a castle in the sky.  I have to be my own savior in the case.  I have to be the one who gets up in the morning and face the realization that life has to go on no matter how hard the road may be.



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