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When I was a little girl I had trouble making friends.  I think this was due to a lack of social skills...I just wasn’t around kids a lot until I went to kindergarten.  I didn’t go to preschool or to daycare...it was just me and my mom for the most part of the day as my brothers were much older and either working or in college.

During high school, I went to an all girl high school, and I felt like a loner most of the time.  The “friends” I had I would see just at school...we didn’t hang out at the mall, the movies, or their homes.

It really wasn’t until after high school, when I started college, that I developed what I thought were good friendships.  My friends and I got together outside of school and did fun stuff together on a regular basis.

Now twenty some years later, I feel like I’m back to square one.  I rarely see my friends.  Part of the reason is that they live far away.  They never call and I’m always the one to call them to see how they‘re doing.  Sometimes, they don’t even bother to return my phone call.  If we do get together, it’s usually because I planned it.  I know everyone is busy with work, life, their family, whatever, but all this does get to me at times and I do find it frustrating. frown

If I didn’t have my husband and two kids, I really do think I would be completely alone.  My mom used to say that there is no such thing as “real” friends and she didn’t really have any friends herself.

Is this part of life?  Am I making a big deal out of this?  Have you experienced the same thing with your friends or am I the only one going through this?




Member Comments

    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Lazylola wrote Jan 5, 2011
    • Diane, sadly you are not the only one. My new friends are here on fab and on fb. I go out to lunch by myself, I go shopping by myself...well I do almost everything by myself or with the kids. I’m okay with it, as opposed to the one sided end of it. ((HUGS))



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Cheekymonkey wrote Jan 5, 2011
    • No, honey. Its not a real part of life. And your not making a big deal out of nothing. Its important to have friends but its also very important to be able to do things on your own and enjoy yourself.
      But a friendship rather its on here, fb or face to face has to be balanced. all equally involved not one sided. Thats not true friendship. It ends always with you feeling used and lonely and sometimes resentful.
      You, have a great caring heart and alot to offer in any friendship.
      So, my advice is to cut way way back in the effort you use to get all of you together and redirect it for you. In making new friends that want to put effort in as well.
      Join a club,class or volunteer right away your with a group that has a same interest as you.
      and dont forget you have all of us.
      Hugs
      Cris



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Anne E wrote Jan 6, 2011
    • Diane,

      I completely relate to your story.  While I had a lot of friends growing up, my parents, brothers, and I lived in various houses with plenty of neighborhood friends around, I now have lived in apartments for 29 out of my last 31 years. I haven’t made a good friend in 16 years.  I thought having a child would make it easy to have friends to do things with and that was true the one year I didn’t have to work when my daughter was 2 and I joined a mother’s club.  Since the divorce, I have been very alone.  When my daughter was in elementary school, I felt people looked down on us for living in an apartment and I had a long week with working/commuting. San Diego, where we moved 4 years ago, has been a disaster.  No steady job, high expenses, and only one friend who ever invites me to do stuff. frown  I think I must emanate some kind of vibe that says “Not worth the trouble to get to know“.  I know the insecurity of my life makes me kind of pessimistic.  Fortunately I still have two good friends who live far away.  Diane, I can tell that you are a wonderful person, so don’t give up!



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Angelcart wrote Jan 6, 2011
    • Dianne, I have several good friends that I’ve known for over 30 thirty years and one real good friend that moved to Austin (she’s the one we go visit on weekends).  Even though my other friends live here in town, I RARELY see them because after working all week I just want to chill out (them too) and I spend all my time with my husband.  I believe that when your married with children most of your time, if not all, is devoted to them.  Hubby and I have mutual friends and pretty much do everything together.  I’m told all the time I should have a girls night out but I just don’t.  I’ve gotten to be a homebody unless we‘re travelling.happy



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Cathie Beck wrote Jan 6, 2011
    • Diane, I had to start over making friends after the divorce and since I don’t get out that much, it’s slow going. What I have is more a new social life and a few friends, a lot of new people that I “know” since this past summer thanks to friends.  

      It doesn’t seem easy to make friends anymore, everybody is so busy! Find someone that’s
      involved in your community in a like interest of yours. Value yourself and others will value you is how I’m making friends. I hope this helpful and encouraging.  

      Cathie



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Diane17 wrote Jan 6, 2011
    • Dear ladies,

      Thanks for your encouraging words and sharing your experiences with me.  I really do appreciate your encouragement.  Cathie, I totally agree with you...it doesn’t seem easy to make friends anymore.  I also think that as we get older and progress through life, we have less free time to maintain friendships.  I remember I used to talk to girlfriends almost every day.  Now, with work and kids, I just don’t have that kind of time...even if I wanted to.

      I have two good friends from high school but unfortunately they live far away...one is in Canada and the other one lives in Maryland, near Delaware.  So we never see each other but we do talk once in a great while.

      It is nice to know that I’m not the only one struggling with these friendship issues.  Thank you for your friendship!!



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Marya1961 wrote Jan 8, 2011
    • Diane, you are not alone and we all agree it is difficult to maintain true friendships as everyone’s lives are different..and when you move to a different state and try to fit in, it can also be challenging.  I have found being active in a hobby, taking a class at our local adult night school and volunteering has helped me a lot...as Angel said, many women are exhausted from working all day, so it does hamper girl time..but the best part is we have each other here and it is great!estatic



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Victorious wrote Jan 9, 2011
    • cheekymonkeyheart



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