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Back in late August, I wrote the following in my journal:  I'm simply too tired to notice life around me.

This was not a good sign.  I didn't like it.  Life is simply too short to not appreciate it or notice what's going on around me and I wanted to change that.  How?  How does one get un-tired?  The obvious answers are sleep more, relax, do things I enjoy, and of course work less.

I was mentioning this to my friend Grace and she right away piped in with,

"You've got to read this book by Martha Beck.  It's called "Finding Your Own North Star" and you'll love it!"  She was so adamant about it, emphasizing the "you've got  to read this book" as opposed to "you might like this book" so I went out and checked it out of the library.

Fast forward several days later and I'm freaking out.  Good  freaking out, as opposed to losing-my-head freaking out.  This book hit so many nerves and spoke to me on so many levels that before I knew it, I had made the rather major and drastic decision to (drum roll, please) quit my job.

Whoa.  Major and drastic, indeed!  The key was when MB asks the question (paraphrasing here) why I'm doing what I'm doing–implying why I'm doing what I don't like doing.  The answer was short and simple:  because everybody wants me to.  MB takes you through this exercise determining who "everybody" is and once I figured that was and then decided I really, honestly didn't care whether they would be disappointed, pissed, upset if I quit, the rest was easy.

I should point out this "everybody" list did not include my family.  More specifically, Gavin, my husband.  It included my boss, the people who looked good because of the work I did, the people that got credit for the things I did and so while I would be leaving them hanging (high and dry, mind you) I realized that was a). not my problem, and b). I really didn't give a shit.

I know it's not that easy.  Not everyone is in a position where they can just walk away from a job.  If Gavin weren't emotionally and financially supportive in this, I'd be screwed.  The point is, making this decision was a huge moment in my life.  There were about two weeks after I made the decision where I walked around everywhere with an incredibly stupid grin on my face.  That felt good.  I realized, quite painfully, I hadn't been this happy in a long, long time.

Reading MB is not something to do in one sitting.  You have to take a step back and let what she writes sink in.  You have to answer the questions she asks.  It’s not always easy, but for me, the rewards have been incredible.  

What’s happened since then is another story.  Not a bad one, necessarily.  That’s for another day.



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