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“I can’t do it anymore” were the first words my friend stated when I answered the phone this week.

There comes a time for many of us going through a divorce when you just want to throw in the towel, leave your life behind and go on a month long vacation. As appealing as it sounds, it’s just not practical and you know it.

So what do you do?

You continue to walk your path, and it sucks; there are no two ways about it. Divorce stretches your emotions more than you ever felt possible. But there are steps you can take to ease the discomfort of today and give you strength to continue on.

Let me share one such step, which is a support group.

A support group consists of just a few people, a formally structured divorce support group or community of people who can assist you emotionally through the divorce process. The importance of a group is to have people whom you can share your experience with. There is a saying that 'a problem shared is half a problem'.

Some of the people in your support group may know you well; but it's equally important to have people you aren’t emotionally engaged with to give you advice. Typically these are women who have successfully walked the divorce path themselves and are people that you admire the values they live with as a person. These are women who know exactly what you are feeling. They can offer insight on their journey and offer up suggestions.

These are women who can share their experience, strength and hope.

In the case of my friend, she has a lot going on with a teenager acting up because of the divorce, a soon-to-be Ex that is being uncooperative and she’s looking for a job. She went over the edge when opened the latest bill from the lawyer. So she called me, being that I'm one member of her support group.

For her, I am the woman who is not emotionally engaged in her life. I know enough of her situation to give her constructive advice. I’ll be honest; some of it she doesn’t care for but she does follow through with most suggestions. She will also tell you that having someone sitting on the outside of her day to day chaos is good for objectively looking at her situation.

Our conversation today turned to the good things that went on in her life that day. So often we get so focused on the crap that we forget about the simple pleasures in life and that we do have a lot to be grateful for if we look for it.

When I hung up the phone with her, I felt we accomplished what needed to be done. She knew she had a safe person to call and share her frustrations. She also knew based on our previous conversations that she would feel better after we talk. Not because I fix her situation. She knows she’s not traveling this journey alone, and that alone can be enough to get through today.

Member Comments

    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Diane17 wrote Apr 24, 2012
    • My brother went through a divorce recently and he mentioned going to support groups.  In fact, it’s been a couple years now and he’s still going.  I think they have been beneficial to him.  He was very emotional in the beginning and I just remember feeling terrible for him but I think he’s doing better and even thinking about dating again.

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