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Got Crabs?

Think crab feast.  Think great food.  Think great friends.  Think outside the box. Think unforgettable.  Think messy.  Think sultry.  Think sensual. Think sex.

 This is one of my favorite meals to serve because it seduces people to relax, get their fingers dirty, and takes them back to their youth when they were children and hadn’t been ruined by Miss Manners and Emily Post.

No sissy tablecloths here.  Cover your dining room table with newspapers, preferably the cartoons.  

Utensils are absolutely forbidden.  This is a non-negotiable rule that must be followed or any prissy guest should be shown to the door.  No Debbie or Don Downers allowed.    No pinkies up either (unless you're Tony Romo).  

Provide bowls of melted butter for the crab with sides of freshly steamed artichokes and mayonnaise with hunks of fresh moist bread that your guests pull off with their bare hands, preferably sourdough.  


Cooking sauce:

2 ½ cups chicken broth

3 TB cornstarch

3 TB Soy sauce

3 TB dry sherry or sake

In a bowl, combine chicken broth, curry powder, cornstarch, soy sauce, and dry sherry or sake.

Set aside.

Main dish:

3 tsp each salt

4 tablespoons curry powder

3 tsp sugar

2/3 lb boneless lean pork, finely chopped or ground (*I use ground salmon instead for my "vegan" Boulder friends—yes, I know it makes no sense)

6-8 large crabs (1-1/2 to 2 lbs each, cleaned, quartered, leaving legs and claws whole)

3 large cloves garlic, minced

3 medium onion cut in wedges and layers separated

3 medium green bell pepper, seeded and chopped

3 eggs, lightly beaten

Sprinkle salt, sugar, and curry powder over the pork (or salmon) and mix well with hands (I love mixing things with my hands).

Heat wok/s (I use 2 woks) over high heat..  When pans are hot, add oil.  When oil begins to heat up, add garlic.  Stir quickly once around the woks, then add pork ( or ground salmon), onion and green pepper and stir-fry for a couple of minutes.

Throw the crabs (you may have to do this in batches, especially when cooking 6-8 crabs) into the woks and cook until heated through.  Add the cooking sauce and cook, stirring, until sauce bubbles and thickens.  Stir in eggs just until they begin to set (about 30 seconds).

Heap them on colorful platters and dig in!

Have everyone throw caution to the wind, not to mention the scooped out crab legs, claws and artichoke leaves and toss them with zest and gusto onto the newspaper dressed table.    

Don't forget the thingies that crack the crab and pass around warm moist clothes for the hands.

Some rich buttery white wine like Cakebread Chardonnay (a splurge) or Benziger Chardonnay (fairly priced at around $13-14/bottle) should be available in plentiful supply.

The music?  Don't laugh.  Remember that Herb Albert album with the woman on the cover slathered with whipping cream?  Yeah, that one.  That music just screams sexy food (and sex) when everyone’s guard and inhibitions are left at the door with their shoes, you're all eating with your hands and juicy melted butter is dripping down your chins.

Hey, while you‘re at it.  Bring out some cans of whipping cream for dessert and let everyone have at it.

Trust me...this is a meal you’ll never forget.



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