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If you had half your body hanging over a cliff and someone said all you had to do to save yourself was to reach up and grab a branch from a tree, you would do it. Even if you had to reach and stretch out and use all of your strength and even strength you didn’t know you had, you would still do it. We all would. The fear would cause an adrenalin rush and you would rise to the cause of saving yourself. This is what I am pondering this morning as I sit here faced with a new year. My ex husband is in the hospital dying of a combination of cancer and liver disease. My kids are camped at the hospital. They text me every now and then and I give them supportive words of sympathy.I hate that they have to go through this pain. I did it in 2004 when my parents both died, one of complications from diabetes and the other from cancer. My doctor keeps warning me about my weight. My cholesterol and triglycerides are borderline. I need to lose 80 lbs. I am a foodie and a sugar addict. Diabetes, that sneaky silent killer that claimed my Dad, is lurking in the shadows. The cravings are horrible and I feel weak. Even though I could fall off this cliff, I still don’t grab the branch. I know what I have to do, and I don’t feel the adrenalin to save myself. It is so easy to procrastinate. I don’t want to put my kids through what my ex has put them through. He never took care of himself. I want to live and enjoy my grand-kids.  I don’t want to be sick. I have my plan to exercise and eat right all laid out and the only thing I can think of right now is whether or not there are any crumbs leftover from the brownies I made for Christmas. It is so sad. The next few weeks will be tough. There are no treats in the house. No soda, not even diet soda. I am cleaning out my system and drinking lots of water. The goal is 2 lbs a week. Maybe in a few months, I can write a positive blog on how excited I am with my results. Sorry, don’t mean to be so glum. It is like a drug addict, I am going through withdrawals, but I have my mind set and there is no turning back. I guess I am reaching for that branch after all.

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