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This week was definitely challenging.  The man who I have fallen for and been chatting with.... randomly disappeared.  The last conversation we had, after asking me to marry him on 14 April, was in reference to my trip to Florida last week.  He was jealous and wished he had the money to come too.  We chatted, he wished me luck with my presentations.... and i knew we would chat soon.

In the interim, stuff happened that I wasn’t privy too.... his msn page had changed, and I was no longer in his network.  Then i was deleted from various social networking pages we chatted on, his skype account gone as well as his phone number changed.  

And I learned all of this by accident.  

I have nothing..... no reason, nothing.  Not even the courtesy of a “f-off” or good-bye.
And I have been replaying the conversations through my mind, trying to discover where and what went wrong.... and i have nothing.

So, in the midst of my tears, I am trying to create my own closure and create peace and find my joy and happiness... so, that I can perhaps love again.



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Member Comments

    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Lisa Brunner wrote May 21, 2009
    • Sorry to hear about your situation.  Was this someone that you were only chatting with online or did you ever meet him before?  

      There are better days ahead and if it was meant to be, you will get in touch with him again.

      Lisa



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    • +1 votes vote up vote up

      Cynthia Schmidt wrote May 21, 2009
    • I’m so sorry this happened. Insensitive and unfeeling at best. Whatever his reasons, the right thing to do would have been to at least come clean with you. My hope for you is that someone comes into your life and treats you with the respect and love you deserve.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Doreen XoXo wrote May 21, 2009
    • I dont mean to sound insensitive, but good riddens to bad rubbish.  He might have just done you the biggest favor in your life.  

      xoxo



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Surfchik67 wrote May 21, 2009
    • wow... i guess this is the last time i share something so personal.
      i wrote for me, no one else....

      i appreciate the thoughts.  

      we knew each other.   we used on-line to communicate b/c he lives across the pond.

      i am not ready to say good riddance to rubbish.... i love him.  i was preparing to share my life with him.  

      the thing that hurts is not that he chose not to be with me, but how he chose....
      i can handle anything, but not knowing sucks.

      it is hard to create closure within myself....



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Surfchik67 wrote May 21, 2009
    • my apologies ladies... if i sound ungrateful.  i wrote to help me.  

      i have nothing.  

      perhaps, he did me a favor, maybe he didn’t.... i don’t know.

      perhaps, this is best... but right now, i am picking up the pieces to my heart.  

      it is not easy for me to meet men.  he accepted me as i am.    

      and now, he is no longer here.  no word, no explanation, nothing.  

      and that is what hurts the most.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Carolnphil wrote May 21, 2009
    • I am sure Doreen did not mean for her remark to come across as it did to you. estatic  She is a very kind and caring person.

      I am like you.  I can’t understand why this happened.  Do you know any of his relatives who can check for you?  

      I had an experience five years ago where one of my online friends, actually a best friend, was killed in a car accident.  We last communicated over Christmas 2003.  When I didn’t hear from her within a few weeks I sent a card to her home.  Another two months passed by and I received a phone call from her husband telling me that she, along with their toddler son, and his daughter were killed when they ran off the road and hit a tree in a snowstorm on January 4, 2004.  He had been severely injured and in a coma.  They didn’t expect him to live but he survived.  Needless to say, I was devastated.  

      You just never know.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Doreen XoXo wrote May 21, 2009
    • Oh surfchik...I really am sorry and no way meant to be insensitive.  I can only imagine what you are going through.  What I was trying to say is that I cant understand how insensitive and cowardly he was.  You didnt come across anything but sincere with a heavy heart.  Again, I apologize if it sounded bad.  Believe me, we are here for each other.  Just say what you have to say and I know at least one of us will have just the right words for you.  

      Going out on a limb here, do you think he is okay?  Do you think he was being perfectly honest to you about his life and circumstances?  How long have you known each other??

      xoxo



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Surfchik67 wrote May 21, 2009
    • i know that he is alive and well.  which makes it worse.  

      i don’t want to get into the details.  my heart is sad.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Doreen XoXo wrote May 21, 2009
    • Right now, there are no words to help you.  Its a process which might take some time unfortunately.  

      xoxo



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Termite wrote May 21, 2009
    • I hope you find the answers that you need to help you heal. Be strong, and I hope things work out for the best.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Carolnphil wrote May 21, 2009
    • Surfchick, when you want to “talk” just let us know.  We‘re here to listen.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Surfchik67 wrote May 21, 2009
    • ok.. the dirt...  

      he and i met when i was working briefly in london.  he was involved with someone... he and i had some amazing conversations, and that was it.  never gave it a second thought.  until we re-connected on a social application of facebook, (which i use to keep in touch with my friends/family from all over the world.  we started talking.... on-line, on skype, on messenger.... and he would call periodically.  every morning he would send an email.

      we were joking around one night.... and talking about penguins.  (i love them) and the south african penguins mate for life.  the male finds a stone on the beach and brings it to the female and she decided whether they will “marry“....
      a week later, an amazing stone arrived at my doorstep, with a note, will you marry me?

      a couple days later, we were finally able to chat on-line... and i asked him what? and why?  and he said, he knew when we started chatting... and he made up his mind that i would be his wife (if i would have him)...

      since he lives across the pond... and my work takes me everywhere... we were looking at the meaning of an international relationship.
      i might be spending a year in oz for work, and he told me he would follow me anywhere.

      i am looking for a permanent usa residence and for a temporary one there (b/c of my work) and wow... and everything seemed to be falling into place.

      we talked about eloping this  august/september.... and looked at rings on line... it was funny, b/c the next day, he sent me a picture of a ring as a gift.  it was soooo sweet.

      and i went to florida.  to present.  the last conversation we had was me asking him to come... finances were the issue, and he would not accept the money from me.  

      sometime while i was in florida, something happened.... no emails, and things started changing... i found everything out the other day and my heart sunk.

      i have sent several emails asking for something—even if a F-off.... something.  

      and yesterday,  I sent an email from a different account to ensure it would be received to his mail box.  

      In it, i said good-bye.  that i loved him, that i probably always will.  that i didn’t understand his actions and his behaviors and while i thought they were wrong, i forgave him.  i told him he could re-activate his accounts, he would not hear from me.
      i told him that i hoped he would have the courage to speak to me,
      but if he could not i would accept it.
      and i told him that i wished him the best in his life but i needed to go.

      and i bid him good-bye and sent it.

      and i cried.  and cried.
      i buried my first fiancee fifteen years ago, and never thought i would meet someone again.... have met some real characters... and losers.

      i guess his past or something caught up to him.
      i guess it is not for me to know.
      i just want the opportunity to speak to him again, but i guess i will not receive that.

      i don’t want to be that crazy chick and hunt him down... i want to be the classy chick who lets him go... knowing that if he doesn’t want to be here, i cannot make him stay.  i just wish i knew the truth, and/or someone would smak him upside the head.

      so, that’s the dirt.  

      thank you ladies for your thoughts.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Cindylouwho1966 wrote May 21, 2009
    • I am sorry to hear this. Not letting you know anything is so cruel!



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Jenni0811 wrote May 21, 2009
    • How long were you chatting? Had you met him? I have/had a relationship with a man I met on a dating site who lives 1000 miles away from me. I visited him three times...he dumped me twice....we‘re still text/talking. My heart is broken, so I know how you feel. I know I should let him go and kick him out of my life....but I just can’t. Best to you.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Vikki Hall wrote May 21, 2009
    • Unbelievable!  

      I know you love him and yes it sucks not knowing. But OMG anyone that could do that to another person is just not worthy.
      I am feeling pain, tears, anger and frustration and I don’t even know you or him

      Grrrr.....



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Doreen XoXo wrote May 21, 2009
    • Maybe there is just more to it than he’s letting on.  Kind of what I am saying is it’s not you...youre not the reason for all of this,  that’s what I get from what you state.  I hope all of this works out for you.  It really does suck.



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