He walked into the house, head hanging in dejection.  “What’s up, hon?” she asked.  “I don’t know,” he said, “I am just not feeling like myself these days.” She knew he was facing challenges in his career and the stress was starting to show itself at home.  He was short with her and with the kids and there was a dark cloud that seemed to follow him wherever he went.  What is a soul mate to do?

So much had changed since the early days in their relationship.  She would give anything to see the spark back in his eye, the irresistible grin back on his face and the spring in his step.  After all, ever since she started reading Abraham Hicks, Napoleon Hill and Jack Canfield, her life had been getting more interesting by the moment. Learning that what a person focuses on expands had changed her life and she wanted that for him intensely.

“Why does he reject all of these ideas?” she wrote in her journal.  “I KNOW FOR SURE that this information will help him.  I am SO frustrated.  It seems the more I tell him about what he could do if he only set his mind to it, the more withdrawn he is getting.”

Can you relate?  Are you the seeker in your family?  Do you devour every self help book that comes along, eagerly putting into practice the dynamic laws of the universe in every area of your life?  Do you see your life changing for the good and your partner’s spinning more and more out of alignment and peace?  Why is it so darn easy to see someone else’s struggles than to see how our attitudes to be contributing to the problem.

“What?!?” you say.  “It is not MY attitude that is causing the problem...I KNOW I create my own reality...it is HIS problem because he doesn’t see he is creating his own misery.” Ok, slow down here, let’s look at this more carefully.  What is the big problem anyway?  Could it be that his situation is perfect for him?  Could it be that allowing him to his melancholy could serve him well?

Remember that Abraham Hicks teaches that without the contrasting events in our lives, we could not fully appreciate the joyful well-being that satisfies so deeply.  How can we insist that others in our surroundings live in well-being all of the time?  Wallowing is no fun...for anyone, even the most dramatic of us gets bored with it eventually!  What if we practiced the Art of Allowing in a totally new context.

What if we saw the Art of Allowing as the exquisitely executed total acceptance and allowing of our beloved to simply experience their experience without our chirping free advice.  Does that mean we must resonate in harmony with their mood?  NO and NO!  Once you take your focus off of him (yes, it is possible!) you can choose to put your attention on something that will bring YOU in to well being.  You will be amazed at the creativity that you will tap into when you allow him to be him, despondency and all.

Allowing your suffering soul mate to find his own north star is the most precious gift you can give him. When he sees you thriving and glowing with your own sense of inner peace and balance, a part of him will be mesmerized by that positive vibration.  Meanwhile, here are three things you can do today to find a new connection to your man:

1. Stop Talking So Much.  Ouch and ouch.  When my friend Rik told me this piece of advice, I said....“Moi???” I love to talk. I love to explain things and it frustrates me to no end when my hubby’s eyes glaze over and he turns back to the golf channel. Rik reminded me that little boys communicate with gestures and sounds and that adult men respond to the same thing.  Highly doubtful, I never the less took his advice and started hugging him roughly from behind and yes, even grunting a bit.  Don’t laugh.  It actually worked.  My husband responded by standing a bit taller and I could tell that my gesture got more access to him then a ten minute babblethon!

2. See Him As You Want Him To Be Stop focusing on his melancholy!  Take time to close your eyes and picture him the way you WANT him to be.  See him laughing heartily.  See him doing his favorite activities with a smile on his face.  When you practice this technique you will see almost instant results.  Watch for small signs of change.  The Law of Attraction will support you powerfully by giving you proof that your focus on his positivity expands. His well being is just below the surface of his moodiness and eager to be drawn out!

3. Plan His Favorite Meal Dig out the cook books and create for him a feast of his favorite foods.  There is a part of him that will respond to you with deep affection when you honor him in this way.  Food is comforting and when it is prepared with love and respect, your man will feel it.  Set the table with the good dishes, light a candle and open a bottle of wine.  Write him a note telling him the reasons you are glad he is in your life and leave it on his plate to read as you pour the wine.  He loves you.  He can’t help if your enthusiasm is a bit tiresome at times.  Allow him his reflective moments and you will reap huge rewards!

What do YOU think about this application of the Law of Allowing?  What is your biggest challenge when it comes to allowing the problematic people in your life to be themselves?