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Last Friday my college daughter came home for her Fall Break. During her four-day stay, she stepped back into the role of mommy again to her two-year-old son Jarod—giving me a much needed break. She also went to work at her Burger King job. Burger King keeps her as an active employee and welcomes her back anytime she comes home for an extended period.

THANK YOU BURGER KING!

But also during the course of her stay, my daughter got the idea that the same rules that applied when she was living under my roof were now null and void. For her, that meant didn’t have to adhere to a curfew. After all, she’s a college student—living away from home and can stay out as long as she wants. As she told me, “I can stay out all night if I want.”

Funny, I told my mother that same thing when I was in college—and guess what? I told my daughter the SAME thing my mother told me: “As long as you are technically still under my roof, you‘re going to have to live by the house rules. That means you will be home by a certain time.” (Instead of the 11pm curfew, I did extend it to 1am).  

I did let her know there was an escape clause.  

“You can take over the mortgage and the other bills and have free reign. No problem!”

Do you set ground rules for your teenagers and grown children who still live at home?



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Member Comments

    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Desi~lu wrote Oct 28, 2008
    • Wow, I like your way of thinking.  My grown children only come home for visits, so my situation is a little different.  They are allowed to stay out as late as they want, but they have to let us know ahead of time if they will be staying out late, where they will be and when they think they will be returning.  There is alot of family in town, so sometimes they choose to stay the night at other relatives homes, which is fine with us.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Carine Nadel wrote Oct 28, 2008
    • Hi Bev,
      We don’t have our daughter coming back w/ the grandkids, yet. However, I remember us having a similar talk w/ her and her then fiance. They were told they were earning more than us and needed to start paying some rent and start saving. Plus we told them that when we said help out w/ the cooking, laundry and cleaning-they actually thought WE WERE AWFUL!!! so they moved into sil’s grandmother’s termite ridden hovel. They‘re still there, 2 kids, no room and only 1 underpaid place of employment between them, still claiming we “threw them out“! LOL
      I show them the hand and remind them this was their choice.

      Now we still have our son and his fiancee living w/ us-totally different-they have set up their own rules of consideration! They clean their room and bathroom, empty the dishwasher and do half the laundry.  We split the cost of cat litter and cat food (they adopted an adorable maine coon and added it to our cat and dog) and when they‘re out and find something the house needs, they simply bring it home.  And yes, they suggested paying rent.

      So I think rules are good and need to be discussed, especially if the grown child in question has a large streak of self entitlement.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Cindylouwho1966 wrote Oct 28, 2008
    • Well of course she can stay out all night, you‘re watching your grandbaby!! Let’s see those late hours when she’s got her own place and a full-time job, am I right?

      You are doing a wonderful thing, keeping the baby so she can finish her education. It’s all going to pay big for your whole family.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Beverly Mahone wrote Oct 28, 2008
    • cindylouwho,

      I used to tell her “Wait until you have kids of your own and then you’ll understand what I went through!”  Now, I have to remind her of how different life is going to be when she’s on her own with her child.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Daphne wrote Oct 28, 2008
    • My 18-year-old daughter definitely has a curfew...1AM.  She began college locally and still lives at home.  There are occasions when she may want to stay out and i am somewhat amenable to it...sometimes.

      I agree with you 100%, Bev!



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Darla5 wrote Oct 28, 2008
    • Hi Beverly,

      My daughter is a Sophmore in college. She lives here at home and drives back and  forth. She still has a curfew. She gets alot of kidding by other kids.

      We have told her there is no reason for a kid to be out until 2 or 3 in the morning. Nothing but trouble happens in those hours.

      It is hard at times to find a balance. I do not want to be too strict and at the same time I want to protect. It is a fine line we walk as parent’s.

      She asked the other day half kidding...“when I am 21 am I still going to have a curfew?” The jury is still out. haha



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Linni wrote Oct 28, 2008
    • Hi Bev.. i agree with you 100%!

      When i left the x husband, my parents had my 3 children and i come stay with them, until i could find us a place to live..my mom wouldn’t take rent, but i gave her money for utilities, food, and water.. if we went anywhere and i thought we might be later getting, i would ALWAYS call and let my parents know!  

      She ( your daughter ) needs to be more respectful of you.. you are doing SO MUCH for her..

      like i said.. i agree with you :) keep up the great work!



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Bobbi Bacha wrote Oct 28, 2008
    • I agree, your home is your sanctuary and for those that stay in it.  Its one place where you set the rules and those living there must abide by them... Its customary...  

      Very good for sticking to your rules.

      Also, I have an additional rule... I dont care if they are 40 years old, I want to know who they are with and where they are going.  Period.  If something happens, (God Forbid), the last place is where to start looking for a rescue if in trouble, including car trouble or other occurance.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Cindylouwho1966 wrote Oct 28, 2008
    • It’s funny, I was engaged at age 20 but still living at home, and I think I had to abide by some rules. That makes me laugh!!! I was almost ready to launch my own home and family!!



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Daphne wrote Oct 29, 2008
    • I moved back home about a year before i got married and the house curfew was 1:00.  For the most part, i respected it.  BTW...i married at age 27!  LOL



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Feathermaye wrote Oct 29, 2008
    • After I’d graduated high school and still lived at home, the rule was: If you‘re coming home, be home by midnight. If you‘re not coming home, you better let me know by 10pm.

      My mother was really progressive (in my opinion). Many’s the night my 3 or 4 best friends (boys/girls) came home with me. Mom would find teenagers sprawled (always decently, we were good kids) in various places throughout the apartment.



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