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Question: My question is long do you wait to sleep with a month, two months, more? Since my eventual goal is to be married, how do I know that the man I'm dating sees me in his future and not just as a nine-month, ten-month, or even one-night stand? ...Camille  

Answer: While this issue vexes many women, the unpopular truth is that there is really no perfect amount of time to wait before you sleep with a man.  Here is why:

1) For the most part, whoever you are dating wants to sleep with you as soon as possible.

2) Until he sleeps with you, he will likely say and do whatever he believes is necessary to get you into bed.

3) Because you will not be getting to know the real him, just the “him” he wants to let you see, waiting is not really all that beneficial.

4) The more time you spend with him, the more emotionally invested you will probably become, so when you finally do sleep with him, if things do not work out, your hurt will be even greater.

On the other hand, it is never a good idea to do anything  because you feel pressured.  Sleep with him as soon as it feels comfortable to you, keeping in mind items 1 - 4 above.  Sleeping with someone for the first time requires a leap of faith.  Do not be afraid to make the move, just always "look before you leap."

As far as guaranteeing that the relationship will continue after you have sex, that is virtually impossible.  But if he enjoys you both in and out of bed, chances are good that he will be open to further examine the possibilities of a long-term relationship and perhaps marriage.

One word of caution: Unless all you are looking for is recreational sex (which certainly does not seem to be the case), beware of the "booty call." If your guy does not make plans with you, or only gets together with you spontaneously or late at night, regardless of what he says, he probably perceives you as nothing more than a booty call. And generally speaking, booty calls do not turn into relationships. They just remain booty calls. So that is one call you may prefer not to answer.

If you have any questions about men, relationships, dating or a related topic, please feel free to email them to me at: I will try to answer as many as I possibly can here in my column. If you are interested in a more comprehensive compendium of musings on the male mind, check out David's [Link Removed] 

(C) 2009 David M. Matthews.  All Rights Reserved.

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