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Benefits
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It’s crazy, because almost a year ago I met that guy (I know, I know you are probably thinking oh great here we go again...but just read...)we connected and it was a crazy connection as it was SO easy. We fell crazily in love. Me the 40 year old and him the 30 year old. I am guessing you are thinking mid-life crisis but it wasn’t. I’m an intelligent woman. I’ve been married and divorced but without kids which is another story for another day....
Anyway, we fell in love. He proposed, I accepted and the big event was planned for 11-11-11 and actually it was a small event but with big and beautiful dreams of two hearts committing as one. I thought I’d found my happily ever after...
Dreadfully so my happy ending was not to be. I started suspecting “stuff” was going on and as it got closer to the wedding I was noticing more “stuff” and more “stuff“.
I figured out a couple of weeks that my so-called forever had a very big drinking, drug and porn addiction. The last three months of my life have been hell. My favorite grandma and last living grandparent passed away and then this.
Yet somehow I am able to look at it as though my grandma gave me one last earthly gift because I’m not sure if I would have been willing to see everything had she not passed away. He was emotionally unavailable so it made it very difficult for him to deal with what I was going through. So he started using more plus became sloppy because he had fallen victim to the tantalizing allure of the affects of what drugs and alcohol can do.
I loved this guy with everything I had...now we don’t talk and I feel as though I gave up on him but I know in my heart I had to because I needed to heal and take time to figure out me again without him.
By day I work and by night I am a psychology student...yet I’m stumped on the whole addiction thing. He knows it was a problem yet he says he doesn’t have a problem. When I saw him high and I’m not 100% sure what he was high on but I have a suspicion that he was eating pills. (so if you have a teenager and your Benadryl, aspirin or whatever seems to be disappearing quickly, it is apparently one of the latest trends to eat pills in large quantities as it puts you in a very hallucinative state and sort of relaxes you) It sickens me that someone with so much potential couldn’t fight enough to not let alcohol and drugs control their life...yet he is an addict and that word is the ugliest of the ugly words...
The other day someone told me that they were always told, never to try drugs because they might just like them....and sadly I think millions of people get hooked a day because they like that feeling and for a brief moment they can live in this fantasy that is beyond their reality so that they can just escape....
It may sound so easy but LET HIM GO. The bottom line is you could love him until you bleed and he is not ready to give up that drug habit, get help for himself, love himself enough to want better it will not matter and it will not work. If you make or find excuses for him you are not loving him enough and helping him you will only be an enabler to his addiction.
This may just be the surface of it all but when you have to deal with drug addicts they cheat, steal, maninpulate, even become physcial abusive. You need the time for yourself and for your own healing from your own loss. Let this be the grieving season for him as well. Dealing with a drug addict will consume your life and you in the end will lose yourself. Be true to yourself and continue to love yourself and love will eventually find you.
Brimstone said it all!
Also the porn thing could be an addiction too and that is a tricky one. That in itself is a whole other problem.
Vikki
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What Vikki and Brimstone said.
"As you open the door to new relationships and remove the chain from your own fears, God will overwhelm you with new splendor."
Ditto to what the gals who’ve posted said.
Just remember...HE is the only one that can fix him. If he’s in denial...then there is nothing YOU CAN DO. Take care of yourself....take care of YOU. Stay out of his STUFF.
Consider all of this a gift from your grandmother...better to have found all of this out NOW then LATER!
I wish you peace!
The ladies are right, even though it may hurt to say goodbye, it may in the long run save your sanity.
I agree ladies! It still is hard yet in the long run, the decision I made was the best one for me...he is an addict not just to alcohol but the drugs and porn....
I’m sure this decision you made was not easy but you know you made the right decision. I think if you would have stayed with him, you just would have had more heartbreak.
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