Don't have an account? To participate in discussions consider signing
up or signing in
| Sign-up, its free! | Close [x] |
Benefits
|
| Sign-up, its free! | Close [x] |
Benefits
|
You may feel you would like to work on your relationship and perhaps you would like your partner to join you in the journey. Or maybe you are simply frustrated and would like your partner to change some annoying habits. You have probably discovered the harder you try to cajole, persuade, manipulate or force your partner to change the less success you have.
Maybe your partner finds excuses, drags his feet, blames you or withdraws. Whatever his response it has so far not been to enthusiastically embrace the change that you want.
Perhaps it is helpful to consider how you feel when your partner wants you to change. It probably isn't that you are not interested in improving your relationship or that you do not care about your partner's happiness. It could be as simple as you do not like to be told what you should do. When you make changes, you prefer that it is your idea. You are far more motivated to put effort into creating change if the change is something that you want.
Any time someone feels forced or manipulated to change, resistance is the natural response. The reality is that the only person you have much hope of changing is you. Even if you manage to make your partner change, resentment will likely be the bi-product. So many times in counseling we hear that a partner has changed for a week and then gone back to the old patterns. That happens because they were pressured to changed, rather than deciding to change.
"A man convinced against his will, is of the same opinion still."
Try becoming the change you want to see in your relationship. If you want to be respected, respect your partner. If you want to be accepted, accept you partner. If you want to be understood, put effort into understanding your partner.
You may see better results if you back off trying to get your partner to change and work on being the best you that you can be.
Susan Derry, B.Ed., M.S.Psy., R.P.C.
Professional Counselor & Life Coach
Co-author of Marriage Prep: Beginnings a downloadable
marriage preparation course
Co-author of Intimate Sex: Manual for Lovemaking, a
sex manual
for couples
Offers a free
Nurturing Marriage Ezine
I have an issue here with my personal life. I am always positive but due to mental illness, my husband is negative. After a long while, day in and day out, it starts rubbing on me. Just a mumble jumble. Thank you for your encouragement though.
:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
Alone I can do nothing, Together we can do all thing!
~Email: utahchinadoll @yahoo.com
That could be frustrating. By continuing to be positive you keep yourself in a better place.
Take care.
We can’t change other people. I believe that I am usually the one that needs to change my perspective. The only person I can change is me.
Loving Life
Esther Bloom
I agree foxehop! Although I do get better results with anyone when I treat them as I wish to be treated!
When I quit trying to change my husband and instead began working on me, it didn’t take long to notice that he was changing too. It’s like some unwritten spiritual dynamic. We now have the relationship that I was trying to force upon him in our early years of marriage! Uncanny!
Blessings,
Coachmombabe
http://www.shilohhomeofhope.org
"Treat others as if they are who they ought to be and you help them to become who they are capable of becoming." Goethe
I agree with this, but it leaves me feeling a bit hopeless. If he simply refuses, then what’s a girl to do? Being a martyr doesn’t appeal to me much. Sorry, I know that makes me the devil’s advocate.....
I also agree that you have to change yourself. But for the last few weeks, my husband seems distant and not sure of what is going on with him. When I ask him he always says nothing. So now I am not sure of what to do.
The Laws of Attraction and the Art of Allowing have worked miracles in my life and my marriage.
When I realized that what I was thinking about and talking about was the CAUSE of my unhappy life with him, I changed my thoughts and my "story" about him and me. As soon as I quit talking about how shitty my marriage was, and about how crappy he was, and as soon as I began to "envision" us happy, having fun again, loving each other, the hugs, the kisses, the best part of what we used to be and what made us fall in love in the first place - almost overnight, it all changed. REALLY!
I also came to the realization that Dr. Laura is right about men: KEEP IT SIMPLE. All they really need is simple directions, food and recognition. They are not our girlfriend and they really, really don’t care about the discount we got on the drapes and they really don’t care about what’s for dinner - they just need to shove something down their piehole when they get home from work and appreciate a “thank you” every once in a while. Press the EASY BUTTON!
Hugs, kelly
| About this author | View Blog » |
Blog Feed »
Create lasting relationships
with other like minded women.
