Don't have an account? To participate in discussions consider signing up or signing in
facebook connect
Sign-up, its free! Close [x]

Benefits

  • okay Create lasting relationships with other like minded women.
  • okay Blogging, let your voice be heard!
  • okay Interact with other women through blogs,questions and groups.
  • okay Photo Album, upload your most recent vacation pictures.
  • okay Contests, Free weekly prize drawing.
  • okay Weekly Newsletter.


Divorced with kids? Playing the “who's-right, who's-wrong” game? Do you have leftover anger and unsettled issues from the past?

If you're angry, scared, and wondering how in the world you and your ex will be able to raise kids together, then read on.

You can use the following steps to build a co-parenting relationship that allows you, your ex, and your children to flourish—even after divorce.

Five Steps to Co-Parenting for Healthy Kids

One: Clarify Your Intention

Are you clear about your intentions? Do you know the difference between an intention and a strategy? Knowing this difference is essential. If you don't, you'll tend to fixate on whether other people agree with your strategies. This can leave people feeling defensive and closed-minded. Even worse, being attached to a particular strategy dramatically limits your opportunities to be satisfied. One strategy = one opportunity. A strategy could be to hold a family meeting every week that everyone must attend. The intention—to create a peaceful, supportive atmosphere for your kids to grow up in—remains possible even if your first strategy fails.

Two: Get On The Same Page

Do you want the same results? Get clear about what you and your co-parent both want. Then co-create a shared intention about what you want for your kids. Start big: it shouldn't be difficult for you and your Ex to agree that you want your kids to be happy. If you begin by getting on the same page, you pave the way for easy agreements, successful results and greater satisfaction for everyone.

Three: Negotiate

Will you take your and your co-parent's needs into consideration and keep at it until both of you are satisfied? Are you clear about the difference between negotiation and compromise?

Compromise begins when you identify what everyone wants. Then you see who's willing to give up part of what they want until everyone can live with what's left. Compromise is based in the belief that there isn't enough to go around, so you have to settle for whatever you can get.

Negotiation begins when you identify what everyone values and then determine what's missing in the situation. Then you keep your attention focused on the values to co-create strategies that will work for everyone. When you believe it's possible for everyone to be satisfied—no compromise necessary—you'll have the confidence to stick with the process until it works. Never give up on the values you hold for your kids: that they continue to learn, grow, and know that they are safe and loved.

Four: Create Powerful Agreements

What's the plan? What needs to happen and who's willing to do what? Often people think they've made agreements. In reality they've only expressed vague understandings of what each individual wants and ways each would like that to happen. Powerful agreements are specific about who, what, when, and how. They require positive confirmation of each person's willingness to cooperate.

Five: Set Up Accountability

Will your agreements continue to work for everyone in the family? Will they create the results you want? Without accountability you can't know if your agreements are actually working. By the time you find out, you may have already built up dangerous levels of frustration, resentment and resignation. Create accountability by setting specific times to follow up on your agreements. Then discuss how things are working and see what changes might be needed. Practice accountability with your co-parent to build confidence and trust.

Accountability meetings allow you to practice the steps of successful co-parenting.

    Do you still have a clear Intention?

    Are you still On the Same Page?

    Do you need more Negotiation?

    Is it time to make new Agreements?

    How will you ensure ongoing Accountability?

Co-parenting is challenging enough when you're married. When you throw in the upset and stress of divorce, the likelihood of difficulty and disappointment skyrockets. Because you and your Ex bring old baggage into this new relationship, habitual patterns and unresolved issues are guaranteed to come up.

Remember that clarifying your intention focuses you on what you want, and understanding what everyone values in the situation creates the possibility of everyone being satisfied. With your commitment and focused attention, you can build a productive co-parenting relationship and raise happy, healthy kids together.

Developing [Link Removed]
Each tip offers practical advice for creating and living the life you want and your family deserves.

Or visit us at: [Link Removed]


Beth, Your links have been removed, please consider upgrading to premium membership.



  •  

Member Comments