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+2
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I am a weakling .. that am easy pushover and I think that

my  heart makes me this way. I want to be nice to everyone and

so I find it so hard to ever say “no”

Because of this, I believe people take advantge of  me.

It’s my own fault.. I am afraid to hurt people’s feelings.

Lately, however, I have been thinking..what would happen if

I say “no” ..  

How do I say no and be a good child of God?  Many people

say to me if I believe in God I should be giving and  

caring and godly.

If I say I don’t want to give out any more since I don’t  

have enough for me. then bammm..people leave ..

I have family who want things.. I am poor..but they ask

me to buy stuff..As long as I do this..they talk to me.

If I stop.. then I am bad..

How do I become strong enough to say “no” .. I am a kind

person and don’t want to  be mean..

Joy

+2
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Member Comments

    • +2 votes vote up vote up

      UK Girl wrote Feb 17, 2011
    • heart



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    • +2 votes vote up vote up

      Joy Pachowicz wrote Feb 17, 2011
    • Eva

      Thank you so much for your very kind and insightful words.

      JheartY



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    • +3 votes vote up vote up

      Vikki Hall wrote Feb 17, 2011
    • Joy
      I’m pretty sure God wants you to be kind, caring and giving. I’m pretty sure He doesn’t want you to be hurt in the process. It’s not possible for you to give and be free in heart if you are stressed about it.  

      Eva is right.... There IS a lot to love about you and other than your words you have given me nothing.
      heart



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    • +3 votes vote up vote up

      Tuliplady wrote Feb 17, 2011
    • “NO” gets easier to say each time you say it.  Practice it in the mirror.  Then say no to someone about something small.  In no time at all you’ll be standing up for yourself and saying “no” whenever you need to.  

      You cannot give of yourself when there is nothing left of you to give.  You’ve got to protect yourself.



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    • +3 votes vote up vote up

      Anne E wrote Feb 17, 2011
    • You are sweet and kind and that won’t change if you also stand up for yourself.  You’ll find some real friends who aren’t trying to take advantage of you. Try not to put yourself down-we all make mistakes.  It is hard for me sometimes to realize that my future isn’t limited by my past and yours isn’t either!  heartheart



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    • +2 votes vote up vote up

      Breeze wrote Feb 17, 2011
    • I’m the same way..it’s very hard for me to say NO. The only times people call is because they need or want for something. I know it’s hard, but I am working on the same issues within myself. A TRUE friend or loved one will call just to ask how ya are that day..in my eyes.

       I was raised Quaker and believe in the Golden Rule. Sometimes to say NO is not coming out and saying NO...sometimes it’s the manner in which you say it, so it doesn’t seem so harsh or such a letdown. I’ve found, that if I can’t do or help them...to suggest another alternative. This will make YOU feel less obligated, and @ the same time, gives them options to help themselves. Strength to ya!!!



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    • +2 votes vote up vote up

      Joy Pachowicz wrote Feb 18, 2011
    • @ Vikki : You are so right; I know God doesn't want me to hurt myself..it's sorting out what I have been raised to be as a child of God with the need to be whole and my own person.  

      So often I heard “forget yourself, deny yourself, go the extra mile..” so has this put me in a vulnerable state of mind.  Wanting to always do for others at my own expense as that is what I am told is noble??

      @Tuliplady  I will try to practice in the mirror..lol I actually use that technique to make sure I give the world a smile.. despite being broken up inside at times.. I don't know if it will ever be easy ..am so very senstive as a person.

      @Ann E: I trust that my past is there in the past and the future holds hope.. guess that tiny fear from what happened..will get smaller as time goes by... I so appreciate your kind words..

      @Breeze:  I too was raised with the golden rule and then there was the one that said "forget yourself, deny yourself, take up your cross..then Follow Me"  well this is where I got myself in trouble as not thinking of my own needs I have done for this one and that one.. for love of God .. and before you know it I had nothing left for me.. I believe there is a healthy balance .. and hope and pray ..I come to the middle of the road..

      So very appreciative for all your very kind words, they are my springboards to wholeness and healing: love you all:

      JheartY



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    • +2 votes vote up vote up

      Joy Pachowicz wrote Feb 18, 2011
    • Thanks Annie123..Hope you have a super nice day..

      I lived in NJ during for a short time..  

      estatic

      JheartY



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    • +2 votes vote up vote up

      Cathie Beck wrote Feb 18, 2011
    • Joy, there’s something wrong in doing for others so they like you or love you. You have to love yourself too. Remember also the scripture that says, “Do unto others and you would have them do unto you.“. This doesn’t mean be a doormat and neglect yourself. You need some prospective, and I’m sure your therapist will want to go there during sessions to get over your trauma so you can protect yourself and stop being a victim of others.  

      Wishing you all the best,

      Cathie



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    • +2 votes vote up vote up

      Joy Pachowicz wrote Feb 18, 2011
    • Cathy,

      I believe I love myself..I feed me. I surround myself with things I love..like cats.. I pay my bills .. I go to sleep..I buy things for  myself...when I have the extra.. I think I have some love for myself..

      I think now, I am more cautious as I have seen in the past few months..several people hang up and slam the door when I told them I couldn’t give right now as I have a tight budget.

      It broke my heart and I cried several buckets but I am going forward despite it..

      I do like seeing people happy.. I don’t think that is a sign of not loving me.. I love to help others.. nurses and doctors and teachers do that....  

      What I have to find out how is how to discern who is going to just be there for a handout ..and nothing more..

      It’s my nature to give.. I don’t think it means I don’t love myself;)

      JheartY



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    • +2 votes vote up vote up

      Mzd3 wrote Feb 18, 2011
    • I can relate to you busygurl, I too have a hard time telling people no, and it makes me feel good to help someone who needs it. But, I have began to say no to the people who I feel tries to USE me , and it also feels good to say no to them,because It saves me from stress.(if that makes sense)



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    • +2 votes vote up vote up

      Vikki Hall wrote Feb 18, 2011
    • Well lets put it this way....... You can say YES as often as you like but at some point you run out of time, resources or energy and you fulfill your YES in a sloppy way. So you need to recognize that and then begin to say NO when you can’t do it without being sloppy!

      Really Joy you will be no less a child of God by saying NO. I don’t know scripture enough to quote but I’m sure there is something about being pure of heart when giving and also about giving in the right way.



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    • +2 votes vote up vote up

      Vikki Hall wrote Feb 18, 2011
    • BTW..... You are a breath of fresh air and a very welcomed addition to the Fab40 family!



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    • +2 votes vote up vote up

      Cathie Beck wrote Feb 18, 2011
    • Sorry, Joy. You did mention being torn to give so you’d be loved, like with your parents. It may be just my opinion... but parents don’t “love” their children that way. Feeding yourself is a survival thing, we all do it. So could you please tell me why you‘re in your 40’s and in college now? What did you do between your graduation of high school until now?  

      Cathie



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    • +1 votes vote up vote up

      Cathie Beck wrote Feb 19, 2011
    • Joy, I may have still been stupid in my 20’s and some what in my 30’s, but not in my 40’s. I
      don’t care you thought you’d be a nun in years before... I mean I’m not influenced by it. It
      isn’t physical health reasons a convent would send you on your way, it would be you had a mental or spiritual problem for living within a convent life.  

      I’m sorry, but I don’t trust you to be who you say you are. I so rarely feel this way here on Fab 40, but you trigger my alarm bells.  

      Cathie



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