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Even when we care about people, none of us are perfect 100% of the time. Sometimes our behavior can be the affects of a work deadline, illness, a traffic jam or a host of other things that our partner doesn’t even know about. As long as we‘re alive we will all do things that we‘re sorry for. For a moderate percentage of the population it’s easy to offer an apology and mean it and for the other percent it’s almost like pulling teeth because apologizing means we were wrong. What we need to realize however, is that we can’t disregard our partner’s feelings to maintain wanting to be right. Here’s how to diffuse the tension and maintain the love we want in the process.

1. Don't Let the Situation Linger  

If you know there is tension because of something that was done or said or there is an issue that needs to be resolved, get to it. Don’t let hours and days pass hoping the “situation” will go away. People who sweep things under the rug may have major problems with resolving issues in their lives. Things don’t get any easier sweeping them under the rug. Pay them a visit, call them up, send flowers, do whatever you have to do, but don’t just sit there hoping that they give in first. Be bigger, be better, apologize! Time is love.

2. Always Offer a Sincere Apology  

Never spit an apology. “I‘M SORRY!” isn’t an apology. When you spit words at people they lack sincerity. Make the person receiving your apology feel the emotion in your apology just like the feel it when you say, “I love you.” An insincere apology can actually end up offending a person especially if you say the words as a duty and not because you mean them. Make sure you understand how you hurt your partner and why you are apologizing and that you are truly sorry before you utter those words. When you do your sincerity will ring through every time.

3. Take Responsibility, Don't Make Excuses.  

An apology should be genuine and not backed up with excuses. You should never say, “I’m sorry, but I was in traffic all morning,” or “I’m sorry. I’m working on this really big project and I’m under a crunch of a deadline.” Take full responsibility for what happened and what you‘re apologizing for. Make it clear what you are a taking responsibility for. When you blame your job or traffic or anything else it makes the apology less sincere. Take full responsibility for your actions, strive to do better and let the healing of the relationship begin.  

Love is too precious to hold a grudge. The last thing you’d ever want is to lose someone you genuinely love, like or are just seriously interested in dating just because your pride was too overwhelming to take a back seat and let you say I’m sorry and mean it. Learn to put yourself in the other person’s shoes and realize that meaning it should make you change your behavior. Fact is, if your apology is authentic you won’t  find yourself apologizing for the same thing over and over and over again.

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