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After 19 years of marriage my husband and I divorced, he and I have shared custody of our 4 children.

 But before the Divorce was final we actually reconciled, and I moved back into our home with him and our children. When the Big D was due to be finalized or kicked of docket...he chose to sign the papers anyway. I was so upset, I left for a while, but could not stand being with out my kids on a full time basis, I hated the back and forth thing. So I ended up moving back to keep the family unit together.

 Last year I had 3 major surgerys..including a complete Hysterectamy...which prior to having this made sex so un enjoyable...now I am 40 lbs over weight, and really miss being intimant, although I have other issues with sex, due to the surgery, I so desperatly miss being intimate...not just the SCREW.

 Now after almost 1 1/2 years, I feel the major seperation that has grown between us.

 I dont enjoy being around him, he is basiclly rude crude and never polite.

 We rarely sleep in the same bed...much less have sex.  He does not kiss or hug me, or show any form of affection. He never has a compliment or any nice thing to say regarding me as a person, or about my appearance.  

 I look at him and dont see the man I so dearly loved those years back.
I miss our intimacy, and have brought it up in conversation many times, but I honestly think he is not interested in me any more.  

 I am so heart sick and really have considered moving out, my children are older now, and can choose who they want to live with.

 I know it would be hard, but I want to be loved, and held and talked to; about anything!
My biggest fear is now that I have gained weight, will I be attractive for anyone else? Could I support myself? or is this just my lot in life? Everyday I wish I he would just kiss my forhead, hold my hand, cuddle with me, or tell me I look pretty. But he doesnt.
I have been down this road before, and I missed my life, I missed my family, so I am scared to make any changes.
But the life I missed, is not here anymore, at least not the part that included our relationship.

Well tomorrow is another day



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Member Comments

    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      (華娃娃) ChinaDoll wrote Feb 15, 2009
    • One step at a time and I am glad you are part of this community.  We are all walking our journeys differently but we are here for each other.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Cindylouwho1966 wrote Feb 15, 2009
    • You‘re missing out on any chance of new life and love by staying in this loveless arrangement. It will never go back to how it was, and in the meantime time is slipping away. If you are able to support yourself, I say get out on your own. You don’t have intimacy now, so how could being on your own awhile be any worse? Good luck!!!!happy



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Julia Newbern wrote Feb 15, 2009
    • K, I was where you are, though without the signed divorce decree at the time... and to compound matters, my former husband is a manic depressive (though I guess they call them bi-polar now). He was never diagnosed officially, but all the symptoms were there. He ‘self-medicated’ with alcohol and drugs, and was abusive to me and our children in almost every sense of the word. After 16 years of marriage, I had him removed from the home after a violent confrontation.  

      You are already living as though you were single. Just in a roommate situation. If you’ve the means to do so, make the break. You will heal. I had gained a lot of weight, and it was only when I came to terms with my life as a single woman and mother (and after losing 3 friends to cancer in 2 years) that I made some changes.  

      I lost 80 lbs in a year, gained 25 back due to injuring my back and shoulder, and so now have 60 to go. I WILL make it. You can too!



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Divaoutloud wrote Feb 15, 2009
    • You have the most adorable face!  I can’t believe that someone else out there won’t feel the same.  It is scary at first...I know, I’ve been there.  But never be afraid to live.  Anything else is just existing.  Your face tells me that you want more than to just exist.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Jenz ~ wrote Feb 15, 2009
    • Hi there, Kd. Your post choked me up as I feel sad for you & can also relate to some of those painful feelings. I’m sending you many hugs!
      You must do what is right for you & be true to yourself.
      There is someone out there looking for you. happy Someone who is wishing for the same things you wish for and want. Focus on yourself, take care of YOU, and it’ll happen for you.

      happy
      Best of luck & happiness.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Inakika wrote Feb 15, 2009
    • KD,
      You can do bad by yourself, girl. If you can leave, leave! Why would you want to stay with a miserable person like him? Your kids are important, true enough, but so are you.
      Besides, you are not doing them any favors staying in a relationship that is so unhappy.
      Everyone needs love, and you are no different, but you first need to move on with your life.
      You are a beautiful woman and you are wasting your life wanting a man that does not want you back. The life you knew does not exist anymore.
      And honey, those extra pounds are just more for a real man to love! Believe me, he is out there waiting for you. Cut that zero and get with a hero!



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Vikki Hall wrote Feb 15, 2009
    • Sometimes going it alone will help you discover hidden confidence. Sometimes being put into a situation of being alone is better than being alone while you are with someone.
      I wouldn’t let 40lbs hold you back from getting everything you should have.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Vikki Hall wrote Feb 15, 2009
    • And yes we are here for you.....ALWAYS!!!!!



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Cmrobert wrote Feb 15, 2009
    • My sister, you have all that you need within you to take this journey.  You were put in the situation for a reason.  I believe that God has something else in mind for you so please don’t hesitate.  There’s a whole new life out there just waiting to meet and greet you.  So pack your bags, square your shoulders, lift up your chin and open the door.  Your gift awaits you.

      Always,
      Cheryl~



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Wittymom wrote Feb 15, 2009
    • Kduncan, Tomorrow is another day, but you must seize it first. So much is waiting for you but you’ve got to take that first step. Talk it out, then walk it out. This is a great group of women to talk it out with, but the walking you will have to force yourself to do.  And believe me, it is so worth it for your kids, and most importantly, for you.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Kduncan wrote Feb 15, 2009
    • wow...what an unexpected response! I sat here with tears in my eyes! Thank you ladies so much for your words of support...I am in the process of getting things in order, so I can have the life I want.  I am starting my new diet and excersise program tomorrow...and getting a few other details in line too.! I am so excited to have found this incredible place!...God Bless and I will be keeping you all posted! Because this time...there is no looking back!

      *The definition of insanity-doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results!



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Cmrobert wrote Feb 15, 2009
    • Yeah girl...talk it out then walk it out!  I like that one myself.  Stand on our shoulders if you need to.  Trust me when I say “these women are incredible“.  And remember, change is inevitable; growth is optional.

      Praying for you and yours.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Shopgirl1960 wrote Feb 15, 2009
    • KD, I wish for you much joy and happiness! I look so forward to hearing all about your new successs in all areas of your life!



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