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When my son got married four yrs ago, we have tried our best with his new wife, and now they have two sons, 3 and 2. I wasnt allowed to be at her showers before her wedding, nor the baby showers.  

  In fact it seems to me the only time either of them want me around is when my babysitting services are needed or she gets lonely and wants me around.

  But he is my son, and i love him so i guess i kept hoping that maybe someday he would come to his senses. And of course like most mothers i blamed the in law.  Her actions most days boggles my mind, i know she has problems but alot of her decisions are so damaging to my entire family.

  They have lived in prob 20 apartments in 4 yrs, And i know now that my son is lost prob forever, the boy i raised is not the man i see now. He was such a quiet sestive boy, who loved everyone, and wouldnt have hurt anyone.  

  I hardly know my grandsons, cause im only around when the parents want me around and thats not alot. I have allways been there to help though.  

  For the second time in the past 4 yrs i let them talk me into uprooting my family and move down south, to be near them and the boys.  The last time i was here like 3 months before she changed her mind, and lost thier apartment. And we ended up going back to Indiana, and didnt talk to them for months.

  I let myself get suckered in again, We moved into this big house, and she just took off, is now living with what she calls a friend, My son just visits his own house, ive been the one taking care of it, housework, and cooking meals.  

 Ive done everthing i could for the both of them, while i caught them repeately in lies and talking behind my back, but we are here far from home, so i was trying to make it work.  

 So yesterday, My son came home and told me that he thought it would be better if we get our own apartment down here, he just wants to be alone. Noone knows if he wife is coming home or not.  

  She is still living in a apartment with her male friend, where my son goes and visits his own wife. So here we sit with our personal possesions, in nashville,tn.  Most of our stuff is still in storage in Indiana.  

  My daughter wants to stay in tn. and start a new life. But im plenty nervous about it, my hubby is working, son in law is drawing unemployment and looking for work here, and so am i.  

  Basically i told my son i needed a month to find a place and get moved. Am i wrong to not want to see him or his wife again after this? They have been playing thease games with me for four long yrs now.  

  Now back home, my oldest son is fixing to have a new baby, and my mom is going thru chemo for breast cancer, they have cost me alot with this latest stunt.  

  Not to mention, that this is my son, who acts like im just some throw away piece of garbage. I cant go back home this time, we are stuck. Thease two are like 25 yrs old, isnt that old enough for some adult like behaviour.  

  Honestly im very hurt by this boy, I just dont get him, he seems to not care about me at all, I have to totaly start over my life because of him and his bi polar wife. And in a yr they will want to say they are sorry and have it all be fine.

Member Comments

    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Tracy Lynn Brown wrote Jun 3, 2011
    • Thank you so much Eva, its been really hard. I can only hope that things work for him. Not to sure it will. But i guess its all part of the growing process for him.

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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Tuliplady wrote Jun 3, 2011
    • My heart breaks for you.  It’s a very tough situation to be in, but he’s a grown up now and you need to let him sink or swim on his own.

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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Anne E wrote Jun 3, 2011
    • Tracy, Out of love and concern for your son, you have made a lot of sacrifices.  He is not mature enough to appreciate this.  It may be time to do what is best for you and your husband now. I wouldn’t be surprised if you got to spend a lot of time with the grandchildren over summers and breaks.

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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Tracy Lynn Brown wrote Jun 4, 2011
    • Thanks to all, The love and caring here helps me so much, more than any of you know. I dont get my son, he is so much like my ex husband, and has gotten alot of his training and advice from him.
      We have three children together, and he only seems to care for one of them, this son. My oldest son, and my daughter dont seem to matter to him at all.  

        I think because the other too, have morals and heart. And will let their dad know what they think in a heartbeat. Noone is fighting here.

        Adam is still working on his “marrage“, and i wish him luck he is going to need it, And the rest of us need to move on, we can take the constant stress and drama.  

       I hurt alot over my son, and his lack of caring, i raised him so i dont get it at all. But i guess i just have to go on.  Im having my own adjustments to getting older and i just dont need this on top of that, and our money problems.  

       Going to try and keep this peaceful til we get out. and then we will see. My son may end up losing me, im just not sure yet. And he thinks he dont care but down the road he will, i just know him and his wife have used me enough.  

       And in the last four yrs, have at times acted like im not good enough for them, Ive been told i dont dress good enough and im always on his ass(trying to keep him from throwing his life away), im negative ect. But when they need me, oh they love me, and want me.

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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Mary Clark wrote Jun 5, 2011
    • Tracy....

      I’m sorry you are going through all of this.  You know we give birth to our children and we raise them to the best of our abilities.  But as they become adults they then start making their own choices and all we can hope for is that they will make the best ones.  A lot of times we see them NOT making the best choices and it’s hard to sit back and watch the mistakes.  But....we can’t allow ourselves to become a part of those bad choices.  We all want to help our children.  I know I do and have but at the same token I have had to step away and let them fail all by themselves.  

      My suggestion is to still love your son and your grandchildren but you don’t have to be subjected to their decisions.  You have to put YOU first and going forward make decisions that are going to be in YOUR BEST INTEREST.  All the decisions that they have made have not benefited you.  

      Let’s face it...we are not getting any younger.  It’s important now to start focusing on putting ourselves in a good position for retirement one day.  

      Love your son and grandchildren.  Stop trying to hope that the daughter in law will change.  She has her issues and only SHE can fix those.  Let them know you love them but you will not be a part of their decisions.  If you are not seeing your grandchildren now and you have done as they have asked of you then it really will not be any different if you do what is BEST FOR YOU.  You can let your grandchildren know that you love them...and are there for them...and I promise eventually when they grow up they will realize you truly loved them and tried to be there for them.  That’s all you can do.  

      Even your daughter that is with you now.  You can’t allow her to make your decision.  You and your husband need to make the decision as to where you live and where you plan to make your life.  It doesn’t need to be anyone else’s decision.  

      It’s time to put YOU and your husband do what is right for you both.  Everybody else has to do the same.  Your son won’t lose you but you won’t be his doormat.  You can stand your ground but at the same time let them know that you do love them.  

      I wish you all the best and I hope TODAY will be the first day of the rest of your life!heart

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