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Hello Ladies, Has anyone else’s husband lied to you and you caught him?  I have caught my husband in a few lies and those lies were about his use of internet to view porn.  The first time when he was unemployed and at home a lot a few years ago.  The last time was just a few months ago.  He did it this time at work.  He had recently downloaded photos of a 16 year old girl.  

Also, recently he has had communication with a female at the gym we go to.  Evidently they talked and shared phone and email addresses.  He sent her an email and asked her to have lunch with him.  When I asked him about it he lied.  I showed him the email I found and then he turned it on me and said well you said we were getting divorced.  We have gone to counseling a few times and it doesn’t seem to be working.  

If anyone has had trust issues with their husband, please let me know how you got through this.  I am struggling with stay or go.. I have read every book on emotional affairs.. He even says he didn’t have an emotional affair.  He says he hasn’t had lunch with anyone...he says he wasn’t happy with the way our relationship was going.  

Thanks for any help you can give.




Member Comments

    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Marilyn09 wrote Jan 9, 2010
    • I truly dont know what to say.

      I feel bad for the situation that you find yourself in.  You must really be torn and love him dearly.

      I trust that you will do the right thing.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Mztracy wrote Jan 9, 2010
    • I’m not sure what to say.  

      You say he say he is not happy with the way your relationship is going, the divorce comment.  

      Counseling has to be scheduled, consistent to make any progress I would think. Have you asked him to re-go.

      The problem I see is the downloading of a 16 yr old girls picture. That, is reason enough, for me, to kick his ass to the curb. ohhhh



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Owlmaria wrote Jan 9, 2010
    • I don’t know what to say either. I only know what I went through. I agree w/ tracy though! Seems there is a lack of communication! Good luck,will say a prayer for you to find the strength to do what you need to do.  Maria



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Linni wrote Jan 10, 2010
    • gosh, im sorry you have to go through this... i guess for me, the picture of the young girl would be the last straw... its just NOT right!
      this has to be awful for you! i will keep you in prayer..
      BLessings
      Linni



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Venus 7000 wrote Jan 10, 2010
    • Why are you trying to save this marriage.  This is not about you, it is about him.  He has some serious issues.  Having him around is a major drain on you and your self worth.  

      If you havent already done so, you should talk to a lawyer about what you can expect in a dissolution of the marriage and begin your peparation to rid yourself of this unhealthy situation.   Good Luck.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      UK Girl wrote Jan 10, 2010
    • My husband at first had an emotional affair with a "girl" he worked with and then it progressed and it hurt more he had transferred his affections - being blunt it seems he doesn't want this marriage to work and you're the one doing all the work – so my view work on getting out and making your life better – you deserve to be happy not humiliated!



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Marie66 wrote Jan 10, 2010
    • I’m really sorry that your going thru all of this.. But I just don’t see how you would want to save this marriage.. He’s disrespect you time and time again and all the prove is there but he still seems to deny the whole thing..
      I would talk to a lawyer.. Good Luck..



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Marilyn09 wrote Jan 10, 2010
    • I still dont know, I like what everyone has said. Its like they hit the nail on the head.

      what are you thinking?



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      1mermaid wrote Jan 11, 2010
    • Thank you girls for all your support and comments.  I really appreciate all of them.  I know I need to prepare to leave, it is just soooo hard.  I expected and dreamed that I would be with this man for the rest of my life.  We both have been married before so this is not our first rodeo.  

      We sold everything we had and moved to the islands.  Men are not to plentiful down here, especially one who does work hard and has a very good education with two degrees.  I am being drug down by all of this and every single day even after kissing and trying to make up... I am constantly reminded of things that he has done.  I have read all the books I can and am reading “Can I forgive you” now.  It pretty much is telling me the same thing that the behavior needs and trust needs to come back. However, in doing this he gets real agitated and angry when I try to talk to him.  I ask him to show me his remorse, to be gentle with me and to understand that I cannot believe him, but have made efforts to try.  I need to leave and I will prepare myself for just that!  I am saddened with this because my dreams are once again shattered.  Life on a small island is hard because everyone knows your business and I try to keep things to myself.  I found this wonderful group and just need someone to hear me and share their experiences.

      Thank you from the bottom of my heart!



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      1mermaid wrote Jan 11, 2010
    • Thanks for your support.  Yes it is very difficult!



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      1mermaid wrote Jan 11, 2010
    • Agree!  I need to continue to remind myself of that particular episode of his infidelity!  That is WRONG!

      I am making efforts to get out!



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      1mermaid wrote Jan 11, 2010
    • I agree... I just need to hear other opinions when you have the facts.  I agree I need to leave.  I am just struggling with it.  I have lost my self worth over ths and am moving ahead to get out.  I will not let him know I am leaving until I am already gone.. Just like the country song.. I’m already gone... I really am anyone... I am just there physically.  I hate it because I can’t be genuine and that is not me.
      Thanks for your support!



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      1mermaid wrote Jan 11, 2010
    • I have never heard of S anon.  I have heard of AA.  I will research it online.  I live on a small island and we don’t have many things like that.  We have been to counseling and that is not working.  We can’t even talk without fighting.

      I have a heart murmur and my heart hurts everytime I get in a heated discussion with him.  I cannot continue as this is hurting me physically.. I cannot take the stress any longer.

      Thanks for your support.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      1mermaid wrote Jan 11, 2010
    • Thanks for your support!



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      1mermaid wrote Jan 11, 2010
    • Thanks for your comment.

      I really need to hear from other women.. and I appreciate you letting me know from your perspective that I am losing my self worth.  You are sooo right.

      Thanks for your support!



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Betspussl wrote Jan 12, 2010
    • I HAVE SERIOUS TRUST ISSUES WITH MY HUSBAND AND THATS ONE REASON WHY WE ARE NOW SEPERATING.IF THEY DON‘T STOP LIEING YOU CAN‘T GET THROUGH IT.MY HUSBAND CAN‘T TELL THE TRUTH WHERE A LIE WILL FIT IN.I CHECK HIS EMAIL AND PHONE ALMOST EVERYDAY AND I DON‘T WANT TO LIVE LIKE THAT ANYMORE.TRUST IS SO IMPORTANT.WITHOUT IT YOU DON‘T HAVE A SOLID FOUNDATION IN WICH TO BUILD.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Marya1961 wrote Jan 13, 2010
    • My heart goes out to you...men can be dogs, sometimes even the good ones..when they think they can lie and get away with it, it builds their testosterone up even more and they walk around thinking..“hey, I got it over on her.“...be smart, be one step ahead of him, think about yourself and do what’s in your heart..a little rhyme I made up....best of luck to you and lots of hugs!estatic



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Anonymous wrote Jan 18, 2010
    • I do have experience with a lying and cheating husband.  You need to leave.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      VICKY CORYEA wrote Jan 23, 2010
    • I left a 30 year marriage.......it was hard.........but it was worth it. I know you wont be able to see this now, but he has done you a favor by showing you who he is!!

      the idiot doesnt know what he is losing!

      the one and only thinG I thank my husband for is teaching me what NOT  to accept in a relationship.........he taught me well.

      keep your chin up......you r moving in the right direction!
      vgirl



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