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I now HATE the man I am married to! Before I just had my days where I would not like him because of the way he is, or the things that he does.

I have now uncovered his sick, disgusting, perverted Online Activities!

The sites that he belongs to!
His Profile says that he is legally seperated, and looking for someone to have fun with!

He can’t spend time with ME, his WIFE, but he is looking for “Fun“? He is a Sick B******! I am so disgusted with him!

I can’t even through him out, I can’t afford to pay the rent, let alone the other bills........and Food? huh

I can’t deal with this anymore......

This is NOT the first time I caught him......and guess what: HE STILL DENIES IT! Even after I SHOW him his own sites and profiles!

I just want to disappear off the face of the earth! I don’t want to be here anymore!

I Miss My Mother SO MUCH right now......



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Member Comments

    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Yana Berlin wrote Nov 18, 2008
    • I think you need to take a deep breath first.

      Then you need to figure out what you are going to do second.

      Your husband has an addiction, ask him if he is willing to get help and work it out.

      He is not the first men nor the last to belong to shady sites and look for action.

      Is he a good man? Do you have enough history together to save your marriage?
      Do you want to work it out?

      These are all hard questions, but you need to calm down and think this through, especially when you can not just get up and leave.

      Sending you big hugs.

      Yana



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      40andwhere wrote Nov 18, 2008
    • It’s kind of hard to calm down when I just want to take every piece of crap he owns and throw it out the window.

      No he is not willing to get any kind of help. I tried that one already, with his online addiction and our marriage. He denies everything, and sees nothing wrong.

      I am Not Happy. I have not been for soooo many YEARS! I just can’t afford to live on my own. I take so much abuse from him..Emotionally! We fight about money all the time.
      I can’t even get my daughter an eye exam, she needs new glasses. I make just enough to buy food, weekly, but he complains thay I don’t put anything out.

      He is NOT worth it!



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Denise Alleyne-Hill wrote Nov 18, 2008
    • Yana is right...he’s not the first or the last. Infact this might be a good thing that you found out...instead of being in the dark and thinking all was good...If he does have an addiction and you called him on it, now you might get a better chance to see how he feels about you and your marriage, AFTER the initial shock wears away and you calm down.

      Many men do this online thing and they are otherwise committed. I don’t know why, some have told me it’s like a game to them, to see if they still have ‘it‘...whatever ‘it’ is...But usually it’s the other woman who gets forgotten in all of this. if she meets this ‘available’ man she thinks she struck gold. But then his ‘hunt’ is over and the ‘game’ has been played. Sorry, seen this too many times to count.

      Meaning, there are two victims in the games these men play! You and the potential other woman...

      You are hurting right now, totally understandable, but maybe you can try using reverse psychology on him, make him think what he’s doing is not bothering you. Men also like to know (for some sick reason) that their negative actions hurt us and we react exactly how they expect us to.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      (華娃娃) ChinaDoll wrote Nov 18, 2008
    • All I can say is I hear you and can’t imagine the pain and anger you are going through.  Like Yana mentioned, there’s a lot to sort through.  Thank you for writing and trust us to be here with you. My thoughts and prayers till you get through.

      Yes, I am through.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Almostfive0 wrote Nov 18, 2008
    • 40andwhere...I know you are very emotional right now and you have every right to be.
      Feel what you must but try to calm down before you make any decision about your future.
      If you do decide to leave you need to clear your head and be able to make rational decisions about what your next steps should be.
      If you decide to stay you will also need a calm head to decide what your next step should be.
      take some time to quiet yourself.
      No one is worth you giving your energy away... not like this.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Archele40 wrote Nov 18, 2008
    • I hear how angry and hurt you are feeling, you sound frustrated and cornered.  I have not experience what you are going through but want you to know that we are here to support you by lending a listening ear and an epathetic heart.  I’m sorry you‘re you‘re going through this and will keep you & your family in my thoughts and prayers.

      Take care of you happy
      your Fab40 friend Archele



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      40andwhere wrote Nov 18, 2008
    • I have been disrespected and unloved for so many years! Oh sex, please....How can I even WANT a man who is constantly doing this to me? He turns my stomach!
      There are moments when we feel normal, but that does not last very long.  

      He will not go for anything. There is no conversation between us unless there is a television in between.

      I can not say that I love him.....I can’t feel it anymore. I only feel betrayal, anger, disgust and disappointment....and all that is before today.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Inakika wrote Nov 18, 2008
    • I’m so sorry to hear this.
      It’s easy for us to commiserate with you, but we don’t fully know the extent of what you have gone through with this man. It sounds like he has been quite a cad for a long time, and he knows that he has the upper hand financially in your relationship.
      Do you have a close relative or friend that you may be able to lean on? Maybe stay with them until you figure out what your next move may be.
      I wish I had the answer for you but I don’t. I can only say that your sisters here at Fab40 are with you. Bless you.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Cheryl Sharpton wrote Nov 18, 2008
    • I’m so sorry you are going through this.  I pray that you have someone close to you that you can call or visit in your area.  You should not be alone at this point in time and need to reach out to someone anyone before you make any decisions right now.  Can you reach out to your friends or family? Emotionally made decisions can be devastating and will cause much pain if you act while in the midst of this intense whirlpool.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Lisa Middlesworth wrote Nov 18, 2008
    • 40, there’s not anything that I can add that these wonderful ladies haven’t already.
      I so very sorry for the pain you must be feeling right now. Really, try your best to relax. After you have calmed a little, think about what YOU want.
      I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. You will make the right decision, trust in your higher power and yourself.
      Lisa



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Denise Alleyne-Hill wrote Nov 18, 2008
    • All that you are expressing are raw emotions because you are hurting right now, trust me, I’ve been betrayed in the worse possible way and my first instinct was to do a ms. Bobbit on him and leave him half a man, but then where would i have been? I was in a very bad position, 3 daughters, had not worked in years, didn’t know how to drive, thousands of miles away from my family, no money of my own...But God gave me strength and I had faith that I stepped out on and I left...Best decision i ever made and never looked back..i was so tired of my ex treating me like sh*t and laughing at me while doing it. Our dog got more respect out of him...you get tired..yes indeed!

      I made sure I ‘took’ a little money at a time every time he got paid and put it into a separate account...When i thought i had enough cash, i left!....It’s all in the planning...if you are indeed through..I’m not advocating you leaving...but life is too short to live it in misery!



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Jenni0811 wrote Nov 18, 2008
    • I feel your pain. I have been divorced twice now and yes those times have been the hardest financially that I have ever gone through...BUT....no bad marriage is worth staying in just for the money. You will find a way. Ask for support from your family, friends, co-workers, everyone you know. Swallow your pride and lean on others. The judge will not allow you to starve. It will be difficult but it will be life preserving all at the same time. All your cyber gal-pals are here to lend emotional support. Lean on us.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      40andwhere wrote Nov 18, 2008
    • I lost my mother to breast cancer on 10/20/06. She was my only friend. I have no one else. I have 3 brothers that can’t do a thing for me, and the way they are/live....no thank you. I am the oldest of us 4.

      There is only ONE thing that stops me........and that is the thought of never seeing my Mom again. My girls would survive. I don’t want to be HERE. The visions have been there since I lost my mother, I can’t get them out of my head. I don’t want to do this anymore.  

      My girls can’t take the fighting. My 19 year old moved out to stay with friends, and I have the 13 year old saying things now....like she can’t wait to be able to move out.

      My Life is chaos! It’s a Mess.....it has been for so many years, but I’ve tolerated it.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Denise Alleyne-Hill wrote Nov 18, 2008
    • Please know that...no one..man..woman or child..no one is worth you feeling like you don’t want to be on this earth anymore. You are a stronger person than that..and you do have a life worth living..Just the fact that you reached out by writing this proves that you are a strong woman, who has stumbled...but you have to take care of you..your frame of mind so that you can plan your next step...You can’t give up now...



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Robinesque wrote Nov 18, 2008
    • Talk about attention-grabbing headlines!!!  WTF???  But then I see you commented 17 minutes ago and realized that you are not lying half-way off the bed with the phone and an almost empty bottle of pills near your head( that IS the way you’d do it, right?).  So, I decided that as long as we all are here to keep you engaged in such stimulating conversation, you should be juuuust fiiine!

      Go on and VENT!  Looks like we are all here for you!



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Lisa Middlesworth wrote Nov 18, 2008
    • 40, can you have him move out and you stay in the home with your children? If so, kick his a** to the curb. Go to the courts and get some advise and help from them. I’m sorry, just a little upset that he has you in this frame of mind. Honey, I guarantee, you Mother is there in spirit with you always. She will listen.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      40andwhere wrote Nov 18, 2008
    • I write because you are women. Some of you may never have experienced an unhappy life with little to no money. Stuck in a small unhappy/cluttered apartment. I’m tired of even cleaning anymore.........nothing stays that way with him.  

      Then some of you may have.
      I’m sorry to burden though. I told you I have nothing good to bring. I wish I did.

      I don’t feel sorry for myself.......I chose him, I married him (for all the wrong reasons because it was not good then either). I just didn’t want to take care of another baby alone, even though I did.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Mary Clark wrote Nov 18, 2008
    • Is there a woman’s shelter you can go to?  Is there a hotline you can call?  You need to get in touch with someone in person right now.  We would all be there....with you right now if we could.  You can make it...believe me....peace in your life is well worth anything you have to lose at this point.  

      Where do you live?



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Denise Alleyne-Hill wrote Nov 18, 2008
    • 40andwhere..Believe it or not..your children will NOT be alright without you...they need their mother..regardless of what is going on...they need you...They are your daughters and they need you to survive and be strong for them..and you need them too..no matter what is going on between you and them..Use them as your source of strength if you will...

      I’m sorry about your mother, but she knows your pain, she feels it and she wants you to be strong too..You can do this, there is so much more life for you to live, honestly there is..and I’d like to get a chance to meet you one day to give you a well deserved hug, because I’ve been where you are right now...and I am a survivor and you are one too..One day you can help someone who is faced with your situation and know that you survived, they can too..paying it forward...



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Mary Clark wrote Nov 18, 2008
    • And when I say “lose” I mean material things.....you have got to get proactive in this situation.  Get ahead of the game.  YOu  can do this....don’t tell yourself otherwise.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Archele40 wrote Nov 18, 2008
    • Please, please don’t focus on him and what’s wrong with him and this situations anymore tonight.  Let’s take care of YOU.  

      You are worth more than you feel right now, you‘re valued beyond your mistakes and pitfalls.  YOU are a loving woman who has great times ahead of her...once you get beyond this you won’t waste your time tolerating an unhealthy relationship that takes without ever giving.  

      I pray now that you are comforted in this moment of desperation.  Keep talking to us, I don’t know where you live but I’ll stay on as long as you need to talk...



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      SHERRY C wrote Nov 18, 2008
    • COUNT ME IN..AM A MISERABLE WIFE. BUT WE HAVE TO BE STRONG. MAYBE YOU ARE BETTER OFF THAN ME. I STILL HAVE THE FAITH..DONT LOSE HOPE..I SPEAK OUT AND IT HELPED, THE GIRLS IN FAB40 ARE GREAT , THEY ARE AWESOME..THEY HAVE BIG HEARTS....

      WE ARE IN SOME WAYS THE SAME, I DONT KNOW IF MY HUSBAND HAS AN AFFAIR, I NEVER DARE CHECKED ON IT..MAYBE WHO KNOWS HE GETS UP WHEN AM SLEEPIN’ DONT CARE ANYMORE..AM MORE OF GETTING OUT OF THE HOLE AM IN..THERE IS THE TIME THAT YOU STOPPED FEELING. I ACCEPTED THE FACT HE HAS NO FEELINGS FOR ME ANYMORE..

      I FEEL YOUR PAIN..HANG IN THERE..MY LIFE IS WORST THAN YOURS..

      YOU HAVE YOUR CHILDREN NEAR I DONT .....THINK ABOUT THEM.I TAKE SO MUCH COMFORT IN THINKING ABOUT MY CHILDREN.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Inakika wrote Nov 18, 2008
    • Robinesque,
      I know you were trying to lighten the mood, but I must say your words cut me pretty deep.
      You see, my son took his own life by swallowing sleeping pills. He was 21 at the time.
      We can’t always know what others have been through, but we must try and use caution when we make light of a very serious situation.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      40andwhere wrote Nov 18, 2008
    • It would be so easy to just take a bottle of pills, or put a bullet in my head. I have all that.
      I just hate that I believe, maybe it’s just my conscience, so much in that if you take your own life...you go to hell. I want to be with my Mother.
      I won’t go there if I go with my first strong feeling.  

      I know I’m not insane because I know the difference between right and wrong. I’m pi****, but I believe in god.  

      I live in New Jersey. I’m sure they have some low life shelters in Jersey City, but I have too much to that I would have to leave behind, and I can’t.

      OMG, the visions of those pills seem so tempting though. I’ve thought about it. I’d take my bottle, slit my wrists, so lay on OUR bed and watch my favorite movie: Catch and Release.........til I fell asleep. Hm, just to make a mess for him to CLEAN!



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Lisa Middlesworth wrote Nov 18, 2008
    • Soulful/empower, my goodness ladies your words have such care, concern and meaning in them. You take my breath away.

      40, look around honey, look at all the friends you have right here. We may be far apart physically, but in spirit we are right there with you. Listen to the wise words that these women are sharing with you.

      You are a strong and beautiful lady and I know you can pick yourself up, wipe off and be everything you ever dreamed of.
      With care and concern,
      Lisa



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Mztracy wrote Nov 18, 2008
    • I wish i had the rights words to say.

      I will say this. Your girls will not be alright without you. I, like the other ladies here are quite worried. I can only imagine the pain you feel from the loss  of your mom. I am so very sorry for that loss. But your daughter who still lives with you needs you. As does your oldest daughter.  

      inakika in agreement.and i am so sorry about your son!!



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Mary Clark wrote Nov 18, 2008
    • Look at the numbers 40..that Annie posted....you need to call one right now.  

      You are worth everything.  Your children need you.  Be strong...and take action to free your children and yourself of this pain...and that means being ahead of the game.  

      You can do this...and you will survive.  I think with all of this...we all have connections somewhere...we can help you.

      We are reaching our hands out to you.....



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Robinesque wrote Nov 18, 2008
    • Damn, inakika!!  I am so sorry.  I could only think of something to lighten it up around here a bit.
      Please accept my apologies.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Lisa Middlesworth wrote Nov 18, 2008
    • I know it hurts, my heart feels your pain, my tears are for you now to help you get through.
      Others who are here at this site now cry with you and for you too.
      Let their hearts care for you for a moment, for an hour, for another day...
      Please make that call 40, we need you to take care of yourself.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Denise Alleyne-Hill wrote Nov 18, 2008
    • lc..thanks..i speak from my heart because i have been where 40andwhere has been...it has been a long lonely road travelled..but my children NEEDED me to survive..bottom line!



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Cynthia Schmidt wrote Nov 18, 2008
    • I gave 10 years of my life to a man who verbally abused me and had me believing it was all my fault. When I finally was free, he called everyone we knew in common, even my own family and told them lies about me. I depended on this man for my financial support. I was terrified.

      There is something inside you, it may be down deep but it’s there. You can pull it up to the surface. Your mother’s strength and the strength of God can see you through this. And just as you miss your mom, your girls are missing you right now. You‘re not whole for them because of the circumstances in your life. But you are here and you can overcome this. For them. There are many who have walked in your shoes and they are still standing.

      Breathe, remove yourself from the environment if you can, allow the answers to come. They will.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Mztracy wrote Nov 18, 2008
    • And do you know what that would do to your girls? Please use the link annie put up. if not for you for your girls.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Cheryl Sharpton wrote Nov 18, 2008
    • 40andwhere please post and let us know what you are going to do.  Just take the first step and make some calls. Do not keep feeding the fear of what if? Where you are is so unhealthy and you deserve so much more then you are being given.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Mary Clark wrote Nov 18, 2008
    • 40....don’t  bail out.  If you want to see your mother again..then you have to fight back.  You can do this....so quit telling yourself you can’t.  What would your mother say  about this way of thinking?  I say she would be furious.  

      He is not worth your life,..believe me...no one is.  Your children need you.  It’s good you are pissed....get pissed and say no more...I’m going to overcome this...and stand tall.  

      Call a hotline number 40.....it’s important that you do.

      Look...we all all care about you....I am already praying for you.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Almostfive0 wrote Nov 18, 2008
    • 40andwhere...
      Do not think for one minute that suicide will not affect your daughters and those who love and care about you.
      I lost a friend almost two years ago because she decided to take a bottle of bills to ease the pain that was brought on when her husband that she loved, adored and took care of for 35 years kicked her to the curb to be with someone else.

      Her children, grandchildren, sisters, brothers, her mother, father and all of her many friends me included hurt everyday because of what she decided to do.
      We are left to grieve and to carry the guilt of feeling that we may have been able to do something and did not or could not.

      You are bigger than your hurt. This will pass.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      40andwhere wrote Nov 18, 2008
    • I am so Embarrassed that I brought all this on. I’m sorry.

      Those thought were in my head for so long, I never told anyone. Hm, there is no one to even tell.  

      Brothers are different. My cousin (the only one I confide in) has her life, a new man now.....a little happiness for her FINALLY. I would not bring this to her.

      My mind is just so FULL. I’m trying. I’ve tried. Nothing ever goes right.  

      I had Faith, but that was shattered when I believed my mother would be one of those women who beat breast cancer.

      I’m so sorry. I Thank You All for all the words. I’m reading, I’m “Listening“..........I’m thinking.  

      I wish I had real friends “offline” as supportive as all of you. It’s embarrassing to be so old and to be going through this.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Mary Clark wrote Nov 18, 2008
    • Call someone...you can call me...I will send you the number.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Mary Clark wrote Nov 18, 2008
    • Don’t be embarrassed.  Believe me I’m sure all of us on here have had crazy thoughts before.  But...the main thing is...you can get out of this if you choose to.  Right now..you are in a miserable comfort zone.  It’s your comfort zone...but you are miserable.  Ask yourself...do you want to spend the rest of life like this???  Take positive action.....you can do it....and we have all reached out to you..and we‘re here.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Lisa Middlesworth wrote Nov 18, 2008
    • Good for you 40, sometimes you just have to get things out of your head. You can’t hold things in, you have to just put it out there sometimes.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Almostfive0 wrote Nov 18, 2008
    • Don’t be embarrassed. We all go through our challenges everyday.
      Some days are better than others but that’s the beauty of life is that we get another day to try it all over again...to do our best,...whatever your best is for that day.
      Start small and try to find something right now that is positive and focus only on that.
      Let that feeling grow. It is not what we go through that remains but the feelings we remember. You can choose to remember the good memories. The bad ones we try to learn the lesson in them.
      Peace.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Robinesque wrote Nov 18, 2008
    • I knew you’d STAY!
      GOOD for You!!!!!



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