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The next few weeks are really a blur. I stayed at my childhood home, which was just blocks away from the hospital. I was at the hospital for hours and hours, running out if friends stopped by or if Mom needed something.

This is where I give some background on Mom. I loved her with all my heart, but sometimes she really pissed me off especially after my step-dad died. Growing up I was careful not to make her mad because her voice got really shrill and it hurt my ears, seriously! In my teens we had a typical relationship, in my 20’s we were very close. After my SD died (I was 31) I became her shoulder-all the damn time. But in fairness, she was mine as well.  

She was extreeeeeemly pissed when I moved to Chicago to get married, a year after SD died. When I'd get home to see her, she would usually end up drunk, and that got progressively worse. One of the many times I confronted her about it, she said, "That wine is like Kool-Aid to me," thinking that meant it was nothing, instead of that being like Kool-Aid means your drinking it more.

Going back home started to be very unpleasant. She had a laundry list of horrible  boyfriends, I mean seriously, where-the-hell-did-you-dig-up-these-mofos guys, all of whom wore away at her self-esteem. My SD had been the love of her life. But she was under the impression that she hastened his death by not getting him to the hospital sooner (he wouldn't have gone.) So I truly believe she picked guys who were the polar opposite of him.

Mom and I would have these long phone conversations with her weeping about her latest BF and me saying, what in the hell are you acting like this for! How old are you? I tried sweet talk, I tried screaming, I tried reasoning, she would not quit the bad BF’s or the booze.

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