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Maybe this should be titled mid-llife changes.

I’ve let an ‘outdated‘, ‘going-off’ relationship go. I had to tell a white lie, otherwise he would have continued to send letters, emails, texts, invites to stay with him before I return to work in September. I told him I’d met someone new. I also had to say this to myself to let him go and hopefully let someone new in.  

The truth is I liked him very much. We met up a cold snowy mountain December 2007, I had turned 40, he 50.  

The problem remains that he has some serious issues to deal with, and these began to escalate a few months after meeting me. He realised that his life had fallen short of what it could’ve been, and with my encouragement he enrolled on a degree course, and got an already wonderful singing voice trained. But that wasn’t enough. He wanted to experience everything that a wife of 25 years had denied him (except the four children), and I began to feel more like his life coach, counsellor, manager. Anything I did was something that would feed into his life. But I was getting less and less back...even his vasectomy could not be reversed.

I’ve also finished with a demanding teaching job that was really beginning to take a toll on my health. I start a new one September, but because it’s out in the middle of the English countryside I need to drive again. Up until July I’d used public transport for years. So, the past month’s been taken up with practising driving. If I’d found this site earlier I’d have written about how terrified I was of driving on busy roads, and quaking in my socks everytime a police vehicle was anywhere close by.

So because there’s so much change for me (last year I moved home and location after 12 years)I need to find some sort of connection with others who just might have similar experiences or feelings. My network of friends has diminished as they’ve got married, had children or relocated. Because of work, I’m losing known colleagues, familiar routines, and haven’t, and won’t be able to, make Sunday trips to events I’ve frequented over the years. I’m hoping that once I find my feet in the new environment I’ll be able to do this again, and find colleagues who will become friends. (This is beginning to happen with the colleagues who I’ve left in the previous place).

It’s Monday, I need to go to the gym, or spend an hour on the exercise bike.




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