I feel that I must give some background on my infatuation, particularly since it has some relevance.  When I first saw my crush I was dating an old fling.  I will call him Ernesto, was who I was dating before I married my husband over twenty years ago.  In fact, I broke up with him to marry my husband.  But back then I thought he was really flaky and my now ex-husband appeared to be a kinder, more centered person than Ernesto.  Since my divorce about 7 years ago we have dated on and off.  We were on again and this time it was pretty hot and heavy.  We were getting pretty serious.  

But then I met my crush  and a ton of bricks fell on me. My mind went into a tail spin.   I just couldn’t ignore that voice.  It has been my trusted guide that has led me successfully since childhood. And in recent years I have become increasingly in tuned with it and I can never ignore that voice. Remember, it told me that my crush was going to be my husband, yet I was beginning to talk marriage with Ernesto.  From the outside Ernesto appeared to have a lot going for him.  He was very handsome, accomplished, complimentary and a gentleman in every since of the word, but...there was something askew.  Perhaps it was the Universe aligning things. Whenever I was with Ernesto I could only focus on two things, all the things that irritated me about him and my crush.  I had to really concentrate to keep from calling Ernesto the wrong name.  The most irritating thing about Ernesto is that he made a big deal about letting everyone know that he was with me.  He would show up at my job unannounced,  posture himself publicly with me,  and constantly talk to my friends as if we were married.  Not to mention he was pushing himself into my dive experiences. He  became overbearing and I decided that I was going to break it off with him.  

Breaking up wasn’t easy.  Ernesto was incredibly persistent and wouldn’t accept my desire to not be in a relationship with him. And sometimes...I didn’t help the matter. I would get weak(or lonely) and go out with him again.  But the more I acquiesced the more I was certain that Ernesto wasn’t the one. I finally broke it off for good, yet he continues to call me almost every day. I don’t answer the phone.  I am alone now for the past two months.  Sometimes loving it, sometimes thinking, “What have I done?“.    

Meanwhile it seemed that the longer I was by myself the more attention my crush began to pay attention to me.  Out of the blue he asked me to lunch...more later!

Ernesto in happier days.