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To be honest, I am not even sure why I am writing this blog, most likely to validate my feelings or to find a little encouragement.  For whatever reason I seem to give off a vibe to men that says ... use me, I don't mind. Just seems men don't take me seriously and I struggle to be firm in my convictions and give into things I don't even really want to do.
Here I am a woman in my forties and still struggle with self esteem and now I realize how vital that is to my happiness. I can give most anyone advice and I know what I am involved is self depleting; I just struggle to get myself out of the situation. The biggest fear... being alone, no one wants to be lonely, afraid I may never find someone to share my life with.
The current fellow I am involved with is not sure he wants a committed relationship and seems to really enjoy the booty call style of things. Deep down I hate being his booty call but give into him and have for over 4 years. Wanting for this relationship to be more, I cling to the smallest hope that perhaps he will change his mind but I am disappointed time and time again. I want this to end; it has become so routine that I can even predict his timing. A relationship where we share each other's lives, not just our beds is what I need. In order for me to pursue this sort of thing, I need to get this man out of my life. I don't feel obligated to him and have dated others, if what you want is a booty call then that is all you get. However, I still have him on my mind and it just isn't fair to my dates. I don't invest my whole self into these relationships because he is always there... along with my insidious hope.
Any advice from all of you well rounded ladies would be most welcome.  

PS...when I read this back to myself, it sounds so sad.




Member Comments

    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Angelcart wrote Mar 18, 2010
    • Macy, you took the words right out of my mouth!  I was going to tell you to read what you wrote!  I was in a relationship like that after my divorce and trust me I know where your coming from.  It’s hard, but until you refuse his booty call’s I don’t see it changing.  You deserve better and I know you realize that.

      My sister is in a horrible marriage and call’s me everytime they have a big argument and say’s she’s leaving, etc.  I finally quit giving her advice because she never takes it.  This has been going on for years.  Her children are all grown and in their 20’s but she acts like she need’s to be there for them constantly.  I believe she’s just afraid to make a move to leave.  When you’ve had enough, you’ve had enough and you’ll know.  I don’t mean this comment to be ugly but what I told her is she’s like a hampster that keep’s spinning in a wheel.  Just going round and round and expecting a change but it never comes.  It’s easier said than done to leave/quit the relationship but it definately sounds like you need to move on and give some other lucky man a chance with a loving relationship with you.  You deserve it!



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Mztracy wrote Mar 18, 2010
    • All I can say is this...
      You deserve to love and be loved back.

      Do not settle for less, you so deserve more! heartheartheart



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Vikki Hall wrote Mar 18, 2010
    • Dear Macy,

      You don’t really need our advice because it’s already there in your post. I think that letter was really meant for you and not us. But that’s ok!  

      I know being lonely and alone stinks but isn’t being unhappy even worse?
      When is the last time you took time to do things you enjoy just for you? You should go spend some of that energy you put into your non committing man on yourself. Seriously there is nothing wrong with pampering yourself with peddys, mania, facials, buying a piece of jewelry or whatever. Do it for yourself. Buy yourself flowers, candy whatever you think you deserve from a loving and committed partner.

      Take up dance classes or other types of fun activities that will help build your confidence in yourself.

      And of course when you are down WE ARE ALWAYS HERE!!!!!

      heart



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Sandras40 wrote Mar 18, 2010
    • Hi Macy,

      Think of him as an addiction you have to wean yourself from. Addictions are hard to give up. Once you set your mind to stop and give up the addiction, you will go through withdrawal symptoms which are going to be tough to handle. In due time the wanting and desiring will subside and as long as you keep your self respect and give your other dates a chance, things will change for you. Make the changes and you’ll see the changes happen. He continues with this and many men do because we allow it. Don’t be so hard on yourself. It may take time but you’ll meet someone special, who’ll want what you want. Keep hoping because hoping is good. Hope for the things that make you happy and that you want. You can do it!

      Sandra Santiago
      Shaklee Independent Distributor
      [Link Removed]
      Always Safe, Always Works, Always Green
      Creating Healthier Lives & Homes!


      Sandras40, Your links have been removed, please consider upgrading to premium membership.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Wookiemom09 wrote Mar 18, 2010
    • Macy,
      You can see you are not alone and many of us have made this same mistake.  Mine was a man that helped me feel like someone would chase after me and then when he caught me, I discovered outside the sheets was not a good relationship.  We broke up more times than I cared to count off and on for 4 years.  i finally had to walk away, cold turkey then 6 months later I meet my future husband.  You love yourself like you would love your perfect mate and you will find you can always be strong.  Be blessed!!



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Cynthia Schmidt wrote Mar 18, 2010
    • You’ve taken the first step. You realize that this arrangement isn’t working for you anymore. That’s a good thing and the catalyst you will need to make changes in your life



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Dana Cappelletti wrote Mar 19, 2010
    • Great advise across the board.  Take a dance class- it does wonderful things for your self esteem.  I tried belly dancing and loved it.  Try not being available at the normal “booty call times“- spend the night with a girlfriend- turn off your phone- whatever it takes.

      Good luck heart



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Macy wrote Mar 24, 2010
    • Thanks for the encouragement ladies, I sure did need it. Interesting how a couple of you suggested dance classes, then low and behold I open up the local paper to discover they are offering latin dance classes here in my little town. I think I am destined to join. Liked the comment from Sandra on treating this like an addiciton, it really helped me to put it all into perspective. I am holding my own, keeping busy and waiting for the next adventure to come my way. It is not always easy and I do think of him but I know I am better off without this man.



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