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Jill paused to blow her nose.  

“I knew this would happen.” She sniffled, collapsing into tears again.  “Why do I do this to myself?”  

“I knew it and I did it anyway. He said he had emotionally checked out of his marriage years ago.  He said he was leaving her. He said he had never met anyone like me.”  

The phone went silent as she sobbed quietly on the other end of the line.  

“Why do I keep doing this to myself?”  

Jill has been with 4 men who all had complicated relationships with their exes.  She loved helping them recover from the emotional pain.  She always said the right thing and each man had told her that without her, they don’t know how they would survive.  

Each time it took months, sometimes even years to get over the guy.  Her friends tried to gently help her see that these guys were not going to give Jill the love she was looking for.  Her family would beg her to not waste time on these complicated relationships.

And she knew they were right.  She just couldn’t help it.  “I can’t help who I fall in love with!” She snapped angrily. “You just don’t understand.”  

How many of you can relate?  Why is it so hard to let go of these deadend relationships?  Do you feel trapped right now...unable to go back and unable to move forward?

Here are some steps you can take to get through today:  

1.  Breathe.  There is nothing you can do that is better than to close your eyes and breathe.  When you are upset, your breathing gets very shallow.  You will feel worse and worse.  Try it right now.  Sit in a chair, get comfortable, close your eyes and inhale.  Hold for a count of three and then exhale.  Repeat and try to inhale a little deeper this time.  Set a reminder on your phone and have a breath break several times today.

2.  Get Some Vitamin B.  There is a real physical dimension to your heart break.  Vitamin B is a water soluble vitamin that gets quickly depleted when you are under stress.  There will be someone at the market who can help you.  You will feel SO much better when your Vitamin B levels are restored.  

3.  Find Someone To Talk To.  Sometimes your family and friends are standoffish because they don’t know how to help you.  Or maybe you don’t want to hear an “I told you so.”  There are options.  Thea Newcomb has been hosting a website called [Link Removed] for 10 years.  This is a free resource where you can open your heart and tell your story and get sympathy, love and support.  Reach out and get help.  There are people who care.  

4.  Splash Cold Water on Your Face.  Such a cliche piece of advice but your grandma’s was on to something.  Get that water running nice and cold and give your face a good shower.  The shock of the cold water will snap you out of the blues.  

5.  Talk to Yourself.  No, don’t keep saying terrible stuff to yourself, like how could you have been such an idiot!  Look at your reflection in a mirror and tell yourself the truth.  “Even though this is really hard, I will make it.”  “Even though I feel hopeless and lost, I choose to see that this is only temporary.”  “Even though it feels like I will never love again, I choose to believe things will get better.”  

You have been through some terrible times in your life.  And you have gotten through them all.  Are you tired of the drama?  That is good.  It is possible to stop a pattern of meeting the wrong partners.  Believe it or not, the secret lies in knowing the kind of partner you DON‘T want.  

Lots of successful relationships are based on this truth: “Because of how bad the last person was, I know the kind of person I REALLY want.”  The bad times really do teach us how to desire better results.  

Lastly, as Winston Churchill is quoted as saying, “Never, Never, NEVER Give Up!”  True Love IS possible for you and you can find your way!

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