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I have a friend who is 30 years old and wants to loss weight . The thing is she does not want to do anything to lose weight but she talks about it alot!
We all know you have to exercise and eat right to lose weight and be healthy . She does not want to give up her fast food and candy every night after dinner . I try to be a good friend and encourage her to make healthy choices . Many of us have trouble with losing weight myself included , but I take responsibility for my actions . When I try to talk to her about cutting back or not eating junk food she gets very defensive and says” well I cant give up my cereal or I don’t eat it that much!” but she does I know I live with her .

I’m getting worried in the time that I have known her she has gone from a little chubby to now in the obese weight . It has been almost 4 years we have been friends .
I try to lead by example but Im not perfect . The only thing I don’t eat is fast food .

Does anyone have some advice for me on how to talk to her or ideas for me to try ?
Do any of you have friends like this ?



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Member Comments

    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Bluerose wrote Dec 21, 2008
    • I was very much like your friend at one time. Talking about losing weight but not doing anything about it. (ex: ordering a diet coke after ordering a plate of pasta!  LOL)  My office had a Biggest Loser Contest & people teamed up & competed.  I didn’t win, but I did lose 20 pounds.  The motivating factor was not wanting to let my team mates down at the weekly weigh-ins.  Truth is, she’s going to continue talking about it until SHE is ready to do something about it.  It’s like quiting smoking or anything else.  Best you can do is lead by example.  Another thing that helped me was “Body Makeover in 6 Weeks.”  Google it & you’ll see what I mean.  I learned so much about my body type, metabolism, & which foods will help me lose weight.  Good luck.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Leadinladytracy wrote Dec 21, 2008
    • I would tell her until she has mentally made up her mind to lose weight than the topic is not up for discussion. Case closed.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Cynthia Schmidt wrote Dec 21, 2008
    • It sounds to me as if your friend’s problem is not a physical one but emotional. She cannot get the help she needs until she admits she has a problem to begin with. I know it’s so hard to watch someone you care about live their life this way. The only thing you can really do is be as supportive as you can while not being enabling, coddling or co-dependent with her. My recommendation for her would be Overeater’s Anonymous, but still she has to believe she has a problem for that to be helpful.

      It’s a tough place to be in, I know. I would just be as honest as you can about how you feel about her behavior and allow her to take it from there with the comfort that you care and you‘re there for support.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Cindylouwho1966 wrote Dec 21, 2008
    • LLTracy is right, next time she talks about it, just tell her that you‘re not sure what she wants you to do, that you’ve advised her and she doesn’t want to listen. And that you’ll just keep quiet on the subject unless she Really wants help.

      This is what I had to do with my BFF, who kept calling to bitch about her toxic marriage!



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Leadinladytracy wrote Dec 21, 2008
    • I have read two books Win by Losing by Jillian Michaels and Dr. Ian Smith from Celebrity Fit Club.  

      Both books begin with chapter one discussing a made up mind. Both authors state until you are mentally ready, you are wasting your time.

      Maybe you can purchase Jillian’s book for her. It is great and she tells it like it is in the book.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Cassandra wrote Dec 21, 2008
    • Thank you so much for all your advice . I will keep on supporting her as a friend but I will have a talk to her honestly .



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Lisa Middlesworth wrote Dec 21, 2008
    • Sometimes having to be accountable for our actions, will help us to see our mistakes.
      Maybe you could ask her to keep a food journal, then when she looks back each night, and has to account for each and every bite she has taken, maybe she will look at it differently.
      Good luck and Bless you for caring for your friends health



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Cassandra wrote Dec 21, 2008
    • leadingladytracy thats a great idea I will do that . I like both of them I watch Celebrity Fit Club .  Thats what she needs no nonsense .



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      UK Girl wrote Dec 21, 2008
    • Cassandra,

      I know someone who went through a similar situation and she did a very sneaky thing she took a picture of her friend at a wedding eating – caught her off guard and then blew the picture up and glued it on her fridge ....goodness did that bring her up short ...
      As they say "fridge pickers wear bigger knickers " I should know !



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Cassandra wrote Dec 21, 2008
    • Food journal sounds good icmiddlesworth thanks , I think I need to do that myself especially at the holidays .
      I went to weight watchers it helped me . She was not interested .



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Cassandra wrote Dec 21, 2008
    • So true teeky3 I need to remember that .



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Leadinladytracy wrote Dec 21, 2008
    • Weight Watchers is the best. I am a member online and it is the only way I was able to lose and maintain my weight.  

      The support online is terrific.

      If she cant do WW than I dont know what you are going to do. WW is the most flexible plan around.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Cindylouwho1966 wrote Dec 21, 2008
    • Vickiday, that saying is too damn funny!



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Inakika wrote Dec 21, 2008
    • My best friend sounds like your friend. She recently had lap band surgery, yet she refuses to change her eating habits. She thinks that if she can only eat smaller portions of fattening foods, then it’s okay. I just hold my tongue, I’ve tried but I give up.
      She is going to have to have surgery again because the band slipped! YOW!



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Cassandra wrote Dec 21, 2008
    • Vicki that is too funny Im crying laughing .
      I know Tracy I love WW I can eat what I want in moderation and look good I do need the support of the meetings . It has changed the way I look at food I have been a member for 4 years .
      I might have to do the picture thing . I would have never come up with that . You all Rock!!



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Leadinladytracy wrote Dec 21, 2008
    • Inakika - wow. The surgeon needs to refuse to do the surgery because that makes no sense.

      My friend is going through testing for the lap band. I think she can do it on her own with a bit of self-discipline. But everyone is different.  

      I understand they have to loose 20 lbs before the surgery is done to prove they have changed their eating habits.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      UK Girl wrote Dec 21, 2008
    • Cindylou - I have it as a fridge magnet by the handle ...my lovely skinny daughter bought it me.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Lisa Middlesworth wrote Dec 21, 2008
    • Inakika, I have a friend, she had her stomach stapled many years ago. She was only eat what would amount to a bird feeding at any one sitting. She would eat and eat....afterwards she would be in so much pain and she lived on rolaids.
      Whether you have surgery or just diet, you really have to want it for it to work.

      My aunt used to have a freaking pig sitting in her refrigerater. Everytime you would open the door, it would go....oink oink oink. OMG! Do I remember those awful days.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Cassandra wrote Dec 21, 2008
    • OMG Inakika it slipped! What the.......
      You know her mom had the lap band my husband thinks she’s just going to keep eating until she can get that and it will solve her problems . Surgery should be the last resort .



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Jacquie6363 wrote Dec 21, 2008
    • The ladies have all provided great advise, she will do it when her mind is made up, however, if she starts talking gastric surgery, please discourage her, not only is that unhealthy, but it is just a matter of time, before she gains all that weight back.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Holdonloosely wrote Dec 21, 2008
    • I have a friend that not only talked about it, she bought all the books, exercise equipment, tapes, you name it! And  stepped over all that crap to get to that door for her fast food delivery! Nothing will work, unless you truly want it. Possibly she is depressed? Ask her to talk to her doctor about her situation. Possibly depression or stress is holding her back. Certainly while she is at the doctor’s office, she needs to have blood work to check for Diabetes, HDL/LDL levels, etc. Maybe if she sees what she is doing to her body, she will change her ways quick. But get her to see a doctor! You are a great friend for being so concerned.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Shopgirl1960 wrote Dec 22, 2008
    • The best way to help your friend is by example. I had a friend of 25 years who ate so much “at a sitting” that I would feel sick to my stomach. She wanted help and I would try not to give advice, although I would give her ideas on things that I was excited about for myself. Eventually she took on eating properly and lost weight. I was very excited for her! This took YEARS! As I said,your example is the best aid for her.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Linni wrote Dec 22, 2008
    • wow.. i can not add anymore to what all the ladies have said, but would encourage you to make sure you are taking care of you.. this can be stressfull for you and you are the caring friend..

      She will lose weight when she is determined in her mind to do that! what a great friend you are!



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Paris Mano wrote Jan 11, 2009
    • Hi,
      I agree with the one lady that it sounds like she may have some emotional reason for eating. I have a granddaughter who is going through some hard times and she eats to comfort herself.
      Your friend may also be lacking in something in her diet and craves these things. Maybe she should have her blood sugar level checked out and just have an overall physical. If nothing physically shows up, then I would say she may be going through emotions....maybe she is depressed. I would suggest to her going for a physcial and then I would just be there for her but not dwell on the topic so much. It could just be a cry for attention....I don’t mean to be harsh or judgemental but things like that happen. Keep us posted regarding her situation.
      Paris



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