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I have been hesitant to post daily as ive been so sick and tired, and I hate being a downer! I have SO MANY wonderful things going on in my life right now. Yesterday’s doc appointment went well but I heard the same old , same old...LEARN HOW TO MANAGE YOUR STRESS! I am on 4 different bp/beta blockers/diuretics and my bp was still 164/96 yesterday. Docs are worried. I know I have to start walking because the stress situations in my house are not going to change anytime soon. Between my daughter who is a recovering addict who keeps ” slipping” Now I know the best thing to do is put her out..I DID that last year, totally against my husbands wishes..he couldnt understand how I could be so cruel...well I go to meetings and i reach out for suppport and she was tearing our home apart so I had to. Now believe it or not..my 2 daughters and I have a psychic connection..i dont talk about it..my youngest son has it with me as well, its  uncanny! We know things about each other we FEEL things. Well anyway the whole time Kate was living on the streets I could feel her. One morning last February it was 17 below with the wind chill factor and I could not feel her...I freaked ...I panicked. My husband and i went and found her..sleeping on a sidewalk, no coat, no gloves, she had a hoody on...we picked her up and took her to a crisis center the whole time her threatening to jump out of the car with me practically wrestling her in the back seat, but she was weak with hunger and dehydration. we told Crisis she threatened suicide and ha d her put on a 7 day hold...she got out after the week, went to outpatient for about 4 days took off again,called on the morning of July 16 asked if we could come get her...she said she was really sick..we went took her to ER she had endocarditis  with a 105 fever, embolisms all throughout her lungs from a dirty needle and was in critical condition and contagious and put in isolation for 48 days...i stayed with her the entire time. We got home,She had the heroin kicked! Home for 2 weeks...took off again and so on and so off since. I cant take it. I love her but my other kids dont want her here, im fed up...but the whole problem this time..is my husband, as we already established, is too weak to put her out and after her alost dying 2 times..I cant put her out now either..and she knows it and is playing it. Now dont get me wrong..this kid is the sweetest, most giving, fun person in the world when shes straight..loyal friend, great with kids..never a problem growing up..the drugs didnt start until in her 20’s.  What do I do ladies..my friends??? what do I do? Its literally killing me but i dont see how it will make me feel any better with her back on the street. She hasnt been using heroin on these binges ..its been ativan, xanax, vicodin and coke. but she gets whacked beyond comprehension. Shes going to die...i already have myself prepared for that. She sat in out living room Sunday night talking about the rabbits...THERE ARE NO RABBITS..she was off the wall. I am stuck in a hellish position. I have even let my prayer slip...when i need it most i have turned away from it and i dont know why. I need a magic wand...I need my daughter back, i need to know what to do!




Member Comments

    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Nathalie Girard wrote Feb 8, 2012
    • heartbreak Ree, have you tried calling detox centers or people who are use to dealing with drug addics? This situation seems to be way over even a super mom’s powers to deal with. Don’t handle this alone!

      Sending courage and strentgh your way



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Brimstone1968 wrote Feb 8, 2012
    • As I read this I felt every word hitting me.  I have a question?  DOES SHE WANT TO GET BETTER?  She have to want to get better, she has to feel it from way inside of her, rise up, and move towards the help.  I know you are doing all you can to help her but the reality is she have to want the help.  

      I most definatley will hold you and your family in my prayers.  Remember though to take care of yourself, start that walking exercise otherwise you will not be able to be there for her or others if you are not well.

      Sending you a bear bug and love.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Mzd3 wrote Feb 8, 2012
    • Ree, Im so terribly sorry about all you are going through. I dont have any experience with this but wantred to say, try and take care of yourself first. SO the stress doesnt cause you even more health problems, {{{hugs}}}



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Vikki Hall wrote Feb 9, 2012
    • Ree I don’t have any experience with this. However you can’t allow her to jeopardize your health. If something happens to you who will be there to be the advocate for her, your other kids, and your hubz?
      I can’t imagine how hard it is but you have to let her go. Let her make her decisions. I’m not sure what support groups would say so I guess you should seek them out. They are experts.

      We got you covering in prayer my friend heart



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Tuliplady wrote Feb 9, 2012
    • This is one of those situations where we don’t know what we’d do until we‘re actually faced with it ourselves.

      I’m so sorry you‘re going thru this.

      I agree with Vikki, find a good support group.

      My aunt has been thru a similar situation and she finally had to just let go and trust God to take care of the situation.  Trust Him.   My cousin has been clean for a long time now, but it took until she was 35 or more for that to happen and it took the family cutting her out for it to happen.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Sandils1962 wrote Feb 9, 2012
    • Ree, I’m so sorry for what you are going through.  I have no advice but you are in my thoughts and prayers. (((Hugs)))



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Butterflyrose wrote Feb 9, 2012
    • Ree, you‘re in my prayers!heart

      An act of kindness is a gift given
      Butterflyrose

      #enjoylifeheart



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Cynthia Schmidt wrote Feb 10, 2012
    • Ree, I have lived this. I could have written this post myself from the experiences we’ve had with my stepdaughter. Praise God she’s been clean for a year now but it took in-patient rehab for it to happen. She spent several months there. It’s wasn’t a fancy place, she didn’t want to go there but we presented no other options for her and she had run out of places to stay with her so-called friends. Just hearing that she called you to come and get her tells me she hasn’t given up on herself. I understand the concept of her taking advantage of you not wanting to put her out this time. We lived that too on several occasions. It was the hardest thing my husband ever did, telling her he would do nothing for her but drive her to rehab but thank God it worked. I’ll remember you in my prayers. The only advice I have is to keep giving her the one option of taking her to rehab. Sometimes it takes several tries before she’s really ready to stick it out and stop relapsing.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Marya1961 wrote Feb 10, 2012
    • Ree, my heart breaks for you, and I can relate in a different way as our son was developing a drinking problem two years ago.  He did not want to be that way, was able to understand the consequences of what it can do to your body and therefore decided to enter outpatient treatment.

      It must be her decision to get clean and you can be there for her, but as Cynthia said to take her to an in-patient treatment facility.  You need to focus on your health or you will be the one to suffer.

      I am keeping you in my thoughts and prayers every second!

      heartheart



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