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Okay, so today, I set my alarm to get up at 7AM so I could spend some quality time with my husband before leaving for work.  It ended up that he woke up at 5 and I woke up from the TV he impolitely put on!!!  I told him how rude he was that I was sleeping so he went to the living room to watch TV instead.  Okay so now my alarm goes off at 7AM.  He wanders back into the bed and falls asleep.  I figure, why should I get up now, I dont have to be at work till around noon.  So I fell back asleep.  I got up at 10AM (yes it felt really good) and what do I do?  I make coffee (he usually does)and make HIM breakfast and not myself because I have limited time to get ready and get going.  Okay so now I go to job #1, got there at 12:30 (1/2 late) and stayed till 3.  Then off to job #2.  Mind you, I still havent eaten yet and only had coffee.  Rushed off and stopped at a deli close to job #2.  Devoured the wrap and off to the office.  I worked there till 6 PM, came home, picked up my daughter (shes a doll, she wanted to help me food shop) and proceeded on to the food store.  We got home at like 8ish.  I bought one of those precooked roasted chickens and some frozen broccoli because I was running out time.  I put all the groceries away, heated up the chicken and micro‘ed the broccoli.  I put dinner on the table and the husband came in to eat.  Now heres where I get all those angry, hurt feelings.  He loudens the TV so he can hear Pres. Obama’s speech on the stimulis plan.  I couldnt even utter one word...he would turn up the volume.  So I took my plate of food and went into my office.  I finished my dinner by myself.  Then he comes in by me and what does he say??????? Should I put my dirty pants on top of this dirty laundry and walks away!!!  The freakin nerve.  My daughter tells me that he told her Im cranky!!!  YOURE DAMN FREAKIN RIGHT IM CRANKY!  Im sorry ladies, I just had to tell someone.  Im really angry and disappointed and hurt.  How would you feel??



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Member Comments

    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Jean Walter wrote Feb 5, 2009
    • Men can be so insensitive!! I really sometimes think we need to spell everything out for them!
      I would feel the same way as you do.. very disappointed, angry and hurt and I would have no problem telling him so!
      Ugh!!! Sorry!



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Wittymom wrote Feb 5, 2009
    • Doreen, I would feel like starving him for the next 3 days and smearing his dirty pants with peanut butter. I’m serious....sometimes they are totally oblivious.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Daphne wrote Feb 5, 2009
    • Doreen, I would be good and annoyed, too.  TELL the man where you‘re coming from...it’s the only way he’ll know and you’ll feel better for not holding it in.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Denise Richardson wrote Feb 5, 2009
    • Doreen you have the right to be pissed go ahead and left off that steam girl, pay back is a bit**!



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Doreen XoXo wrote Feb 5, 2009
    • And I forgot to add, I even apologized, yes apologized for serving dinner so late...it was like 8:30.  He said in his smug little way “it’s not late“.  Oh I wanted to bash him.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Doreen XoXo wrote Feb 5, 2009
    • You all are gonna hear me later!!



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Linni wrote Feb 5, 2009
    • {{{{{{{ Doreen }}}}}}} big hugs to you!

      im sorry you had to go through all this tonight! i agree with Daphne’s suggestion.. let him know!



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Jacquie6363 wrote Feb 5, 2009
    • Typical man...it’s ok to be angry and upset, but as Teeky says don’t go to bed like that, release it and think positive thoughts.

      You are truly awesome and you have demonstrated by your multi-tasking abilities.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Dee Dee Shaw wrote Feb 5, 2009
    • Poor you! Men can be oblivious at times, really they can. Sometimes when we want to surprise them, and circumstances get in the way, it makes it even harder -especially when the circumstances are related to their selfishness. I think you should talk to him too, but not when you are angry. That has never helped me. It just reinforces their notion that we are emotional, cranky, whatever.
      Learning not to sacrifice myself in the process of putting others first has been a part of my mid-life reevaluation. I am sure I would have smarted off about the dirty laundry. “Sure honey, the washer’s empty. Why don’t you go ahead and put them in.” lol



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Doreen XoXo wrote Feb 5, 2009
    • I plan on it. But whether he “hears” me rather than just “listens” is another story entirely.  Men are so difficult.  And they claim we are!! Ha!

      Love the hugs Linni....



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Jean Walter wrote Feb 5, 2009
    • I copy that Teeky!!



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Doreen XoXo wrote Feb 5, 2009
    • OMG ladies...you are making me emotional.  

      xoxo



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Doreen XoXo wrote Feb 5, 2009
    • Learning not to sacrifice myself in the process of putting others first.  

      I have learned to say no in 2008.  This is going to be an addition to it.

      You are so right DeeDee.  Im going to recite this in my head over and over again.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Doreen XoXo wrote Feb 5, 2009
    • Thx Chinadoll ....  smooch



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Doreen XoXo wrote Feb 5, 2009
    • Thx Jacquie...you warm my heart.  I wish my husband was like my ladies here.  We would have a great relationship!!!



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Dee Dee Shaw wrote Feb 5, 2009
    • Doreen,
      My family (or at least my husband) likes me even more for asserting myself. He just had to get used to it. LOL
      You have to love yourself before you can love others to the fullest.  

      And as the resident health nut, I have to tell you - I am going to beat you with a wet noodle if you starve yourself like that! You sabatoge yourself that way. (Ask me how I know?) At least try to keep grab and go fruit or healthy snacks around for those times when you are running late.
      Okay, taking off my health nut cap now. estatic

      Hopefully you’ll be able to put the anger aside and get a good night’s rest. Things always look better in the morning to me.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Doreen XoXo wrote Feb 5, 2009
    • Awww Teeky...youre the best!!!
      smooches



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Karyn Olson wrote Feb 5, 2009
    • This is why I like being alone...I love my freedom and I don’t have to worry about this...lol...I know it’s not the answer but it works for me...happy



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Holdonloosely wrote Feb 5, 2009
    • Women surely do too much, this is true. Sadly, men are stupid and have to be given complete instructions or rules rather, with not alot of detail, cause that would totally lose them.  

      I just have one question. Did you tell him you were getting up at 7 cause you wanted to spend time with him and he is to obey or not get ‘any’ for a month? I hate having to do that, but it works for me. estatic



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Doreen XoXo wrote Feb 5, 2009
    • lol empower... I hear that!!  That’s why Ive always said if anything happened to my marriage....I would NEVER get married again.  I dont know what it’s like to be single and not cater (take care of) to anyone but myself!!



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Saylor101 wrote Feb 5, 2009
    • Well - as always tons of good advise!

      I truly believe that communication is paramount.

      Even just basics - "when you  _____, I feel ________."

      Like when you are an ass it really hurts my feelings.
      Which is much easier to say than, “when I go out of my way for you all the time and GET no appreciation it really makes me want to scream!!”

      You could just say - You screwed up this morning dude - I was gonna have wild and crazy sex, but NO - you had to wake me with the TV!!  happy

      xo - they are men - they always will be.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Doreen XoXo wrote Feb 5, 2009
    • Okay ladies...he’s now a**ed out in the bed.  Guess I will have to take this up over the weekend sometime since I will be working two jobs all day tomorrow and am going to see my cousin perform in Oliver afterwards.  He’s on his own tomorrow and tomorrow night!!

      Night ladies......love you all

      xoxo



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Felicia Wynne wrote Feb 5, 2009
    • Doreen,

      Thanks for the request.  I just read your last comment, and I’m guessing we may have lots in common.  

      Stay well and enjoy your weekend.  

      Felicia



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Pamela Hutson wrote Feb 5, 2009
    • Women’s faults are many..........

      Men have but two...........
      Everything they say and EVERYTHING THEY DO!!!!!!!!!!

      Sounds like dinner tomorrow night is “fend for yourself night” perhaps cereal for dinner............that always gets them.

      And you can always HIDE the remote, say in the washing machine, in a pot or pan, you know some place THEY would never look.............



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Rena Bennefield wrote Feb 6, 2009
    • I would be hurt also..For some reason when something like that happens ..I am always first shocked, hurt then pissed off...I don't know what it is about men..Truly I am at a loss..But you had a right to be pissed off ..IMHO



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Lisa Middlesworth wrote Feb 6, 2009
    • Good morning, I hope you are feeling better. I think I would have to unplug the TV and sit back and watch his ass panic until he figures out it’s unplugged.
      I wouldn’t wash his clothes until he notices that he has no clean ones. And when I finished cooking dinner...I would tell him it’s on the stove, help yourself.
      Men can sometimes be so insensitive....worried



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Shopgirl1960 wrote Feb 6, 2009
    • Doreen,

      This really hit home with me for a previous marriage and it STILL lingers. Yes... STILL.  I used to think ALL men were insensitve “pigs” and that I would never remarry again. But I did find a “diamond in the rough” man who is very sensitive to my feelings.  I am wondering if they either have it... or they don’t.  I think it is well worth sitting down with your husband and coming up with a plan to make things better. I believe it only gets worse without communication. Being silent and holding in the anger and resentment only makes you grow further apart. If he is not willing to listen AND care about all of your feelings, as well as trying to improve your marriage, there are some questions you might have to ask yourself. I do hope that he does have some sensitivity in his heart so you can be allowed to have a happy heart daily.  

      You seem to be a beautiful and giving person. You deserve much love and respect.  Life is much too short not to be happy.  

      Big Hugs For You~



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Daphne wrote Feb 6, 2009
    • Della, you make an interesting point...“I am wondering if they either have it...or they don’t.”

      So much of life is about “pay-off“.  If someone gets what he needs/wants while being an ass, what is his motivation to do better?  If the price of the “prize” is being considerate, a person will be considerate IF HE WANTS THE PRIZE.  Some people will be lazy for as long as it is tolerated...and inconsiderate behavior, in my opinion, is as lazy as it gets.

      If i found myself in this situation, i would outline specifically what behaviors will not be tolerated.  AS i said in a post on another thread some time ago...all relationships have negotiables and non-negotiables.  Being considerate is a non-negotiable!



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Mztracy wrote Feb 6, 2009
    • He should have been up making you coffee and breakfast, a lil something for lunch as well.

      He should have had dinner on the table for you also!

      He had better be thanking his lucky stars that he has you for his wife. I hope he realize just how very lucky he is!!

      If he doesn’t, I’d be happy to tell him!!!



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Almostfive0 wrote Feb 6, 2009
    • I swear! Men sometimes make you want to do something to catch a case!!

      You have every right to be upset and you need to let him know why.
      The thing is sometimes they‘re not even aware that they are being insensitive until you smack em ( figuratively speaking..lol) upside the head and let them know!
      Stay strong Doreen and don’t let this rob you of your precious energy.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Doreen XoXo wrote Feb 7, 2009
    • WOW Ladies,
      what great advice from you all.  Each and every one of you have made valid points and made me think.  Some of you made me laugh out loud, which feels really good.  

      I did have that conversation with him, and I will post the results of it in a blog later.  

      Just wanted to thank all of you fabulous women!!

      xoxo



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Jean Walter wrote Feb 7, 2009
    • Doreen ~ I hope you laid it all out for him and things worked out for the best!

      =)



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Holly Beck wrote Mar 23, 2009
    • Sounds like my ex-husband. Notice I say “ex“...



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Doreen XoXo wrote Mar 23, 2009
    • BINGO Term!! thank you...you totally got me!!  

      xoxo



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Carolnphil wrote Apr 10, 2009
    • Our husbands were raised during the 1960s when mothers didn’t work outside the home.  Mothers did everything.  My mother in law even ironed underwear and sheets!  Geez!

      My husband could clean the bathrooms if needed but could not do laundry to my satisfaction.  He tried once.  I had a dress in the laundry which was supposed to go to the dry cleaners.  It was red.  Needless to say, we all went around with pink underwear for quite a while.

      Even though I work part time for a friend I still do all the housekeeping duties in addition to taking care of all the animals, and being his secretary.  

      I cook, clean when I feel like it or the dust bunnies multiply, and do laundry but don’t iron his shirts or pants.  I also don’t get up at 5 a.m. with him either.

      I bought one of those laundry sorting carts and he knows if the pile on the floor of the bathrooms is getting large it needs to be carried downstairs and sorted.  After 20 years he knows the drill.

      What’s funny to me is my oldest son is quite a neat freak.  He does all the cooking and cleaning although his fiancee does the laundry.

      I think mothers did their sons a disservice by not teaching them to do these things that we daughters were taught.  JMO.



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