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First, I would like to express my gratitude with the members.  You are always very kind, helpful and supportive. I’m not sure if I’m in the wrong or not, so I’ll need opinions on this.  

My sister and my niece are my only immediate family that remain in CA.  (My mother moved to Las Vegas, and we used to spend the holidays there with her).  Well, last year, my sister and niece spent it with my sister’s EX-inlaws and now they‘re both going to spend it with them again this Thanksgiving!  Shouldn’t this be a rotation thing?  

My boyfriend and I have always been very good to them, and he treats my niece like his own daughter.  He’s done so much for her and my sister. We both have.  

Am I wrong for getting upset?  Obviously, we‘re not very important to them, and it shows!!!!!!

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Member Comments

    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      UK Girl wrote Nov 6, 2009
    • Had you said it would be a rotation for the holidays in past conversations or had you assumed it would be?
      I can understand you're upset if you had already started making plans to be at home and then this happened and have you been invited at all ......... how did you find you just in a casual chat or where you told this is happening so it was a done deal?



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Lisa Middlesworth wrote Nov 6, 2009
    • Holiday’s are really tough when you have two families involved.
      Our family is in another state and when we go home for any holidays we always walk away wondering if we spent enough time with each family. We kind of have to split up, him with his family and me with mine. We really enjoy it, but would rather be able to spend it with both families. It’s really hard when family is out of town.
      I really do understand how you must feel, but I also understand that families grow and have so much extended family that we just have to understand the desires of everyone involved.
      Good luck and I wish you luck with having your family together for the Holiday.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Myrna Perez wrote Nov 6, 2009
    • Last year we planned for my place.  But anyway, she is my sister and my niece.  This is the 2nd year that they will not be spending it with us.  It’s obvious she doesn’t value family!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Besides, she’s been divorced for 7 years and she still spends the holidays with her EX-inlaws!!!!!!



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Owlmaria wrote Nov 6, 2009
    • I have to agree w/ Vicki. You do deserve to have your feelings but others can’t read your mind esp. about the holidays. It happens in most families, make plans out loud & early!



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Owlmaria wrote Nov 6, 2009
    • Question!?.... Is your niece the granddaughter of the Ex-in-laws?



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Myrna Perez wrote Nov 6, 2009
    • My sister ONLY spends the holidays with her EX-in laws.   She is VERY aware how I feel. She has ALWAYS put her ex-husband’s family first in her life.  This year she’s spending Thanksgiving with them AGAIN!    

      There USED to be a rotation when my mother lived in CA, and she no longer does.  My sister and niece are the only family I have left in this state. If my boyfriend has to work, I will be spending Thanksgiving ALONE!!!!!



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Myrna Perez wrote Nov 6, 2009
    • Yes, she is the grand daughter.  But, she also has an extended family which is me.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      UK Girl wrote Nov 6, 2009
    • Okay I understand how upset you .....

      I hate to ask but whats the pull with the ex’s family will he be there ?

      I think you need to speak to her and tell her not how angry you are but how hurt you are



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Frannie1964 wrote Nov 6, 2009
    • It’s kind of hard to say whos going to spend holidays with who. It gets familys Into arguements from time to time, but I do understand why you are upset. I think If they spent the holidays with their N-laws last year, then maybe they can spend It with you this year. I believe In taking turns and rotating, but then again sometimes It depends on what days each family Is having their get togethers and how that affects everyones days off at work or If they have to fly to another state and If they actually have the funds for that might change the rotation system also. All my familys In CA, so It’s quite easy for me, my hubby and I would go to my familys place for christmas eve and we would get together with his family for thanksgiving. Either way, I hope things work out and you all can get together.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Myrna Perez wrote Nov 6, 2009
    • Frannie1964,

      You don’t understand why I’m upset?
      They DON‘T rotate/or take turns. They only spend it with one side of the family . . . her EX-in laws.
      Me being upset is a valid reason.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Max0125 wrote Nov 6, 2009
    • Having worked many holidays in my life, I have come to realize that a holiday is just a day. You can decide when to celebrate it. Why don’t you start your own fun tradition and celebrate Thanksgiving on a different day this year and propose to rotate them in the future. The most important thing is to spend time with your loved ones. Life is fragile and we never know how long we are allowed to have our loved ones around us. The most important thing is to celebrate life when we can. I hope it will all work out for you.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Mztracy wrote Nov 6, 2009
    • maverick, frannie said she does understand. estatic

      I hate the holidays for these reasons. My family is all over the place. We usually stay put. If they wanna see us, then come to us! lol

      We also do two holidays sometimes. Like, thanks thurs one place and then friday other family.  

      I hope it all works out for you!
      xx



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Myrna Perez wrote Nov 6, 2009
    • Thanks ladies—

      It’s easier going out for dinner on Thanksgiving.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Frannie1964 wrote Nov 6, 2009
    • Yes, I do believe I said I DO understand. happy



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Mztracy wrote Nov 6, 2009
    • We love getting the Vons turkey dinners.
      We pre-order and then pick it up the day before.
      Then all we do is heat it all up on turkey day.

      No muss no fuss and we can spend time together and not worry about cooking!estatic



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Lazylola wrote Nov 7, 2009
    • Maverick, I’m sorry to hear that you won’t get to spend the holiday as you would like, surrounded by family. I’ve got little family here in town, a couple of cousins, but they do their thing and I do mine, I’ve made the adjustments and it is just my boys and myself, it is hard to get motivated and do all the cooking, I’ve considered doing the precooked, but I don’t want to sacrifice the taste....I know eventually it’ll just be me alone, so I’ll continue cooking until my boys are all gone. If you were close by I would welcome you over, if you want to travel you are more than welcome to my humble little corner of the world. ((HUGS))



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Vikki Hall wrote Nov 7, 2009
    • Your feelings are YOUR feelings. No one can say whether they are right or wrong.  

      I think that maybe they are insensitive or unknowing to how you feel. You should talk to them and let them know.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Betspussl wrote Nov 7, 2009
    • Have you told your sister how you feel about this?
      I think you should just be honest about your feelings,tell her that it hurts you.Maybe you could express to her how much it would mean to you to rotate the holiday activities.
      I obviously don’t know how close you are to her inlaws but as a suggestion ,perhaps you could all rotate.Maybe one year you could go to her inlaws and bring a dish and the next year they could all come to your house.After all THANKSGIVING is about bringing familys together not apart.If her inlaws don’t desire to do things this way,you could still show your sister that you would be willing to do it just because you love her and want to share the holidays with her no matter what it takes.
      I hope it works out for you,my mother passed away on Thanksgiving 5 years ago.I would give anything to be able to share the holidays with her again,or any day for that matter.Love and compromise is the solution here ! GOODLUCK



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