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Benefits
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Now if you’ve looked at this thinking oh no, she’s gone all maudlin, rest assured, I haven’t! I don’t intend this to be a sad post although I will be mentioning the taboo subject of death so look away now if you don’t fancy it!
When you get to 53 as I am, it’s a pretty safe bet that you will have had a fair bit of experience of loss in your life and attended one or two funerals. By and large I think funerals are a very good thing and I want mine to be heaps of fun but preferably after I’ve conked out with a glass of gin in hand following an uproarious 100th birthday party where I’ve danced the night away!
But seriously, it is important to mark events in our lives, happy and sad, and all cultures do it. And I am a great fan of tombstones and, lying in the bath just now, was thinking about my dad’s memorial stone, which always makes me smile.
My dad died over ten years ago with lung cancer so we had some time to plan for his demise and subsequent funeral arrangements. After a cremation in Bath UK we took his ashes back to Edinburgh, Scotland where he was buried in a family grave. We were able to add a stone to the plot which prompted much discussion of what we would put on it. We didn’t have a lot of space but we particularly wanted to put something that would give a flavour of what my dad was like.
Eventually we settled on his titles, son, father, grandfather etc although we were allowed to put Dad and Da which was what his grandchildren called him. And then he had a little phrase he always used when shaking your hand (well, he always used it if he liked you and if he had a drink, the latter being probably more frequent than the former...).
He would say:
'Here's my hand, here's my heart'.
And so we put that on. But we noticed that several of the stones had little carvings on which said something about the deceased, like a motorbike, or a house or plane. So we pondered long on what to put on my dad’s.
It began as joke but somehow stuck and eventually we had a perfect pint of beer, in a straight glass, with a head (but still a full pint) etched to one side of the stone. The stonemeason was rather bemused and said he had never been asked for that before, lilies being more usual. But he did it for us and now my father’s grave raises a smile from many who pass by it and always a hefty grin from us and happy memories, which surely is what tombstones should be about?
What phrase best sums you up? If you had to choose an image for yourself what would you choose?
You‘re right about knowing loss in our lives by the time we‘re past 50.
I love the pint etched on the stone!
I’d have to say my phrase would be - “Accentuate the positive!” Hey, I live it every day 
!
An image? I think the sun. With a big smile on its face!
That’s great. Don’t know what mine would have on it. I’ll have to ponder that one.
I kinda like this saying:
To love and be loved
Is to feel the sun from both sides.
Then It would say
You are my Sunshine
And than have a picture of the sun shining
So whenever the sun shines, the people who knew me would always think of me that day
I’m sure there would have to be a flower on mine, probably a tulip. Not sure about a phrase.
My son’s gravestone has a little teddy bear in the corner of it. There was already a teenage cousin buried in the family plot and his stone has his senior picture in the corner, so we went with the same kind of stone and had a teddy bear put on.
Mine should say, “Do whatever it takes for me to see you there!”
Great post Jane, I’ll have to think long and hard about this one
Thank you for all your interesting comments! I like the idea of the sun, and the teddy bear really tugs at your heartstrings but it’s so appropriate.
Plus, just realised I am now 54! Obviously lying about one’s age is kicking in!!
Jane
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