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*Note to Reader: This article was originally written for men/husbands of women who were thought to be having internet affairs, suspected of being involved in internet porn and showing symptoms of internet addiction.

In my experience as a writer, researcher and coach for Women in Mid-life Crisis and Depression the number one escape used to be your typical offenders...alcohol, drugs, shopping and more than likely the “affair“...all are addictions or the drug of choice. BUT...the newest drug of choice which is used to feed the other drug...“The Affair“...is now the Internet.  Women have given themselves permission to use the Internet as a tool to have  what they believe as innocent dalliances with men.  It has grown to the point that some married women are even creating pornographic webcam sites that they live out their sexual fantasies from a distance...they excuse it as not being an affair because it is not “physical“...they aren’t harming anyone...they don’t even know these men who watch them. They convince themselves that it is innocent..it is far from it!

"Innocent" is not what one of the husband's at my [Link Removed] forum, who have recently joined telling us that their wife was rolling on the floor in a 2-year old tirade because he had turned off the internet access...or another man whose wife was recently asked to resign from an executive level job because she was caught after hours holding a pornographic peep show on the company owned computer in her office...and now, three months later, has continued the activity from her laptop at her mother's home. This woman lost her job, her home, her marriage, her children...but her internet addiction is alive and well.  She has risked everything for it!  

 

This IS internet addiction...just like internet pornography addiction for a man...women are not looking at the pornography...they are participating in it!

It is the same thing but now women are finding their own way of doing it and it is coming out through internet dating and singles sites.  I have never checked out Second Life...but many women who are caught in an MLC find their way to Match, eHarmony or Ashley Madison and other web sites that are popping up on the internet specifically geared for women who are married and want to have an affair. Even SKYPE is filled with women married and single who are sharing their wares or sexual fantasies with men around the world and there is a ton of men out there that are looking for exactly this type of supposed “innocent” dalliance.

The key is the perception that internet sexual activity is “innocent“...it means nothing.  This is why it is so important to understand that the emotional/mental affair is just as harmful as the physical affair.  An emotional/mental affair is just as destructive...it eats away at the fabric of what is right and good in a marriage...it crosses a boundary...it destroys respect and trust. Even in the Bible it says that to  lust in one’s mind is a form of adultery or betrayal of the mind. If a person will emotionally/mentally commit adultery the chances that they will give themselves permission to commit physical adultery grows larger...they become numb to the consecquences of their actions.

Internet activity needs to have its’ perimeters.  A woman MUST be very careful about who she is associating and talking with...there are internet predators on-line that are looking for desperate, lonely women, who have low self-esteems...ready and willing and able to RISK everything and anything for just the thrill of a few moments of internet sexual thrills.

Internet addiction with women can start as simply as creating a Facebook or My Space profile...even going to some of the women’s based social networks or magazines that are popping up on-line all the time that allow men to also join.  A woman MUST be diligent in who she befriends on the internet. There are also many applications that can be added to their profiles which non-verbally opens her up to be hit on by men who really don’t care that her profile says that she is married or not. Many women who are married, but looking to get a self-esteem massage, will not indicate their relationship status or they just say they want to make friends and network.  

Checking a wife’s internet activity is one of the FIRST things a husband should do, if he is concerned about internet addiction.  Be thorough with your checking...not just the history of the activity...go to her profiles and see who she is befriending...(TIP FOR THE LADIES) Go to the male friend’s profile and see what type of a person they are and who they are also talking with on a day to day basis. If the friend's list is filled with good-looking women...this man is creating a stable...it is the first tip off that his Facebook or Social Network is NOT for business...it is for his viewing and hitting on pleasure. (Ladies: DO NOT kid yourself if you notice that your man-friend at FB or elsehwere is chatting you up and then his Friend list is a stable of beauties from around the world...YOU are NOT the only lady is he chatting up...YOU are one of many...don’t fall for it!)

The following is a list of internet sites that you should be looking for and for the ladies be careful about who you are friends with on some of these sites:

Facebook
My Space
SKYPE
Match
eHarmony
Ashley Maddison
Yearbook
Classmates
Chemistry
SugarDaddie
MarriedDateLink
AffairsClub
AffairsMatch
LonelyWivesAffair
meet2cheat
BeNaughty
MarriedSecrets
MarriedCafe
FindNewPassion
Desperate-Wives
Tagged

There could be more...but this is the list I pulled from one search off of Google. Please know that any Social Network is a venue for your wife to search for an on-line affair.  You just never know who is lurking there.

Please tune in to H Les Brown’s BlogTalk Radio SHow next week, April 23rd, 2009 at 8:00 PM EST when H Les Brown and I, along with Internet Addiction expert Michael Shelby when we will be discussing Internet Addiction and Women.  I will post more details, as they become available.*


Shepherdess5, Your links have been removed, please consider upgrading to premium membership.



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Member Comments



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Robinesque wrote Apr 17, 2009
    • Say WHAAAAAT?!!!!!!!!!



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Vikki Hall wrote Apr 17, 2009
    • I know! I’m not sure what to say.... Does that mean cancel myself out?



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Amy L. Harden wrote Apr 17, 2009
    • Ladies: I am not saying everyone that has a Facebook profile or is using Twitter, My Space or even coming here has an internet addiction...it is how these women are using the internet...they are using the internet to get their drug of choice and then in turn the internet becomes a drug in itself.

      If you are using the internet to connect with men to get sexual fulfillment, to have an affair, live in a fantasy world...to escape and you can not stop yourself from this activity...it is internet addiction.

      maybe I will add this as a note...before everyone gets confused. Sorry!



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Daphne wrote Apr 17, 2009
    • When i first read this article, i thought it was strange that it would be on this site...advice on catching your wife doing inappropriate things on a women’s networking site?  

      I have to admit, too...i was more than a little put off about advising a husband to check all his wife’s online activity.  Perhaps i’m offended by that because i’m not doing anything i wouldn’t do with my husband sitting right next to me (as he often is, anyway).  Trust is something i cherish in my relationship and also something i take great strides in protecting...making the “checking up on” me unnecessary and insulting.

      Just my perspective.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Amy L. Harden wrote Apr 17, 2009
    • Daphne:
      I totally agree with you about the trust thing...

      I wrote this article originally for men/husbands who were dealing with their wive’s or partners who may be having an affair on the internet.  I submitted the article here at Fab40 because I believed that many women needed to read it.  You see this is a fairly new phenomena for women...the numbers of women who are becoming addicted to the internet and using it in a pornographic or solicitous way has grown in 2002: 35 of women to 85 of men using it for pornogrpahy/solicitation to in 2008: 48 women to 64 of men...the gap is narrowing.

      I posted it to open a discussion on the topic and bring it to every women’s attention...to protect yourself against these things a person needs to be knowledgeable...just like there are predators against our children on the internet...there are predators on the internet for women. We also can become addicted just the men...We are not immune...we can be lured in...this was my objective.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Vikki Hall wrote Apr 17, 2009
    • Ok .....much better!  

      Thx!



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