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I remember a time I wasn’t so sure about that.

I married for forever.  No wiggle room.  I was all of 21 and feeling like I knew everything there was to know about what I needed in a partner.  Ouch, bless my young and naive little heart.  I had no idea what I was getting in to.

My main strategy was to compromise and strategize ways to keep people from being upset.  Upset with me, upset with themselves and upset at life.  I was pretty good at it, or so I thought.  Bright, perky and a bit of a smart ass, I could change the atmosphere at will, and that felt good.

One problem, people always get upset.  And trying to prevent that is an exhausting, thankless and ultimately self destructive path.  By time I realized this, my marriage was beyond repair.  I was devastated.  I married for forever and I had no plan B.

I had never considered divorce and it took three counselors to help me learn to let go of my dreams and the shreds of a relationship that I had emotionally checked out of years before.  It was a dark and painful chapter of my life.  Over the years I have worked with brilliant coaches and mentors to find my way.  It has been a humbling journey as I came to recognize how my own thinking and expectations had undermined the Love I once had for my former husband.

Eight years after my divorce I can now say that divorce recovery IS possible.  It has been a slow process and even though I am now remarried, I still have sad moments.  While saying goodbye to my first Love was painful, the sadness these days comes because of the loss of the future we would have shared.  Grandchildren, weddings and other life passages that I dreamed of sharing as a little old lady with my little old man are never to be.

I used to get frustrated with myself because of my sad moments.  I used to think I could get beyond the loss forever.  Now, I realize that the sadness is natural.  It was a big loss...nearly 30 years of my life.  I have found that if I allow the sadness to drift through me rather than fight it off, it clears quickly...more quickly all the time, and the light of my new life and Love guide my path.

If you are in the midst of the divorce drama, my heart goes out to you.  Be gentle with yourself.  You will find your way through and there is true peace for you at the end of the trail.  Waking up to the truth of how much compromising and accommodating you have done to stay in your relationship will shock you at first.  Getting a grip on finding out what YOU want for you will empower you to move forward into the next chapter of your life.

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