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"Honey, can you grab the phone?"

He harrumphed from the other room, "I'm trying to read the paper.”

Hands dripping from the bath water, she wrapped the baby in a towel and ran for the phone.  "Not interested" she said, cutting the sales person off.  The baby started to wail. "Shut that kid up!" came the voice from the livingroom.

"Hush, baby, shhhhh" she crooned, a tear making it's way down her cheek.  She felt the familiar tightness squeeze it's way into her throat.

How had it come to this?  Why was he so distant and cold?  She hugged the child to her chest, a little too tightly.  "You are all I have," she whispered, burying her face in the sweet smell of the infant's skin.

Where does love go?  How does the sweetness disappear? Is it so wrong to desire the feelings that he once brought out in her?  She finished diapering the little one and sat in the rocking chair to nurse her before bed.  Feeling the insistent pulling at her breast, hot tears ran down her face once again.

With her teaching career put on hold and money tight, she had lost connection with her friends, her purpose and her income.  Mothering was more demanding than she imagined and the guilt flooded over her every time she missed her old life. Shopping and lunches with friends were a thing of the past and now her husband was pulling away, criticizing her every move.

Rocking the baby to sleep she quietly prayed, "God, if you are out there somewhere, you have to help me, I can't go on like this.  Please bring me an answer."

Waking up with a start, she glanced down at the sleeping child. Like an angel, her lips pursed still making sucking motions, satisfied and happy she slept soundly.  Looking down at the impossibly long eyelashes and the rosey cheeks, the young mother breathed deeply.

"It is up to you."  The thought came up from some where inside her.  "You have to make a choice."

Puzzled, she glanced left and right.  The thoughts were so outside her normal mindset, she couldn't help but look for the source.  "How could it be up to me" she thought.  "I have no money, no career, no friends and being a mom is draining and exhausting."

"It is up to you."  The thought echoed in her mind.  "What is up to me?" She demanded out loud.  As if her situation wasn't tough enough, now she was talking to the air.

"In every moment you can choose what you are focusing on."

"There is only one way to see myself." She thought angrily.  Getting up slowly so as not to wake up the baby, she put her in the crib and tiptoed out of the room.  Making her way in the dark into the kitchen, she flipped on the light and put on the coffee.  Her husband's quiet snoring meant she had a good hour to herself and the quiet of the house felt great.

Carrying her cup to the porch, her eyes fell upon the book.  Ask And It Is Given. "Ha!"  She harrumphed herself.  "Like that is true."  Her sister had given her the book last month and it had been sitting on the table ever since.  "I wish it were that easy." She said feeling the familiar tightness in her throat once again.

"It's up to you."  The pesky thought came again.  This time she got mad.  "Stop!"  She screamed without making a sound.  "Stop!"  Her sister's words came back to her.  "Your emotions are priceless, Kimmie.  They are giving you all the information that you need.  Let them lead you and guide your steps."

She reached over and picked up the book.  The teachings of Abraham. Rolling her eyes, she opened the book.  Long time a fan of randomly opening books to see what fate might draw her attention to, she began to read.

"Process #12 Wouldn't It Be Nice If..."  When you want to gently guide a negative mindset to a more positive place.

"Hmmm, well I certainly would like to move out of this funk."  Kimmie thought.  The book went on to describe how to focus on what she wanted rather on what she didn't want.  Slowly it dawned on her that all she thought about, day and night, was how miserable she was.

She read out loud, "The Wouldn't It Be Nice If....process will help you let in the things that you are wanting.  It will change your point of attraction.  It is up to you."  There were those words again.  "OK," she mumbled.  "What the hell. I have nothing to lose."

She grabbed her notebook and began to write:

Wouldn't it be nice if my husband were more aware of how drained and exhausted I am?

Wouldn't it be nice if he asked how he could help me?

Wouldn't it be nice if some of my old friend would call and check in with me?

Wouldn't it be nice if I had something to feel passionate about?

She took a deep breath as a little smile appeared on her face.

Wouldn't it be nice if I could find something I could do at home to make a little money for myself?

Wouldn't it be nice if I knew my neighbors a little better?

Wouldn't it be nice if I my husband and I were closer?

Wouldn't it be nice if......

The phone interrupted her.  An old friend from school was calling.  Shaking her head in disbelief, she picked up the receiver and greeted her.  "Coffee, today?  I would love to!"  Closing her notebook and feeling like a million pounds was lifted from her shoulders, she held the book to her chest.  "Ask and it is given....maybe there is something to this stuff."



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