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It's been 4 years but sometimes it still feels like yesterday



My mom died 4 years ago on July 31, 2007.  The end of the month, the end of her life.  She had battled Multiple Sclerosis for over 3 decades and on July 13th, she fell down and from there, her health rapidly deteroriated.  She had a painful urinary infection, she was almost blind, and she was very weak.  She was so weak she needed help to get from her bed to the portable toilet near her bed.  Before, she could do this herself.

I saw my mom a few days before she died.  I was there with my oldest brother Robert and she said to me, “This is probably the last time you are going to see me.”  It was like she knew she was dying.  My brother then left and we were able to spend some time together, just the two of us.  I tried to get her to think about the happy times in her life but she only wanted to think about the unhappy times which was unfortunate.

My mom was a deeply religious person and was not afraid of death.  In fact, she was ready for it and wanted to die years before this.

I remember getting “the call“.  I was taking a shower in the evening before bed and I heard the phone ring.  When I got of the shower, my husband said that my brother had called.  Right away, I knew something bad had happened.  

When my brother told me she died, I immediately went over there.  She had died in her sleep.  Ironically, I remember her asking me once, “Wouldn’t it be wonderful to just go to sleep and never wake up again?”  I think this kind of death is like a saint’s death.

We had a hard time finding a place to have mom’s funeral mass at.  To our surprise, we found out that she had never registered at the church that she always went to.  Eventually, they did let us have the funeral mass there.  I almost missed the viewing which was only a half hour due to horrific traffic.

I gave my 2 weeks notice to my company the day before she died.  It was for a job in Maryland.  We had planned to move there to be closer to her.  Afterwards, to get to my new job, I had to go by where she used to live everyday.  And then, not even a month later, I found out I was pregnant with Jack.  Yes, a lot of changes within a short period of time.

It is definitely a wierd feeling when you become an orphan.  You have no parents left and I, despite having a family of my own, felt quite alone.  I really do miss talking to her on the phone and visiting with her.  RIP Mom.




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