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Listen kids....it's not easy getting old. The joints now stiffen up as well as the colon. Seems like everything in me tends to stiffen up with the exception of the down spout. My feelings now get hurt too easily, but, most times I forget why. My old time friends are now into the bad habit of dropping dead, but, oddly, not my in-laws. The dog hates me cause I now eat the left overs for lunch that he used to get for snacks. On a bad day, I feel like a vulture just snatched me up and then dropped me in a rock quarry full of horny walruses. But, other days, I feel like a raging stallion....according to what drugs I've taken before breakfast. Wifey still tells me I'm vivacious, but, that's according to what drugs she's taken before breakfast. All the things I wanted to do when I retired are now down to simply watching TV, taking naps, going to the bathroom and arguing with the dog. You can tell when someone needs to really get out when they start to get excited over a new jig saw puzzle.
Going to the grocery store at my age is like going to a petting zoo for wolverines. Everybody is rude and discourteous and they all get upset when you cuss or fart too loud. I don't go to funerals or weddings anymore either, because most times I can't really tell the difference. Seems everybody cries, there's a lot of overpriced flowers and I always wear the same suit. The grandkids are always warned that I lie a lot, but to me, after so many years, it all sounds like the truth now......except the thing about being abducted by aliens....I think.
Anyways, life is still good and I do enjoy retirement and jig saw puzzles and scrap sandwiches for lunch. I've worked long and hard to get to this point in my life and plan to enjoy every single 'minute' of it until the aliens return.......Charlie  




Member Comments

    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Nita P wrote Aug 17, 2015
    • lol...you are so sweet charlie, though i am sure thats not what u may want to hear.  i love your sense of humour and the fact that you have not lost your funny bone. you are beautifully real, welcomingly truthful....i grew up with adults like you and it did me alot of good.  i bet you get a great big kick out of making people who are too snooty uncomfortable. all the best....



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Marie47 wrote Aug 17, 2015
    • Oh....you do know me!!!!



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