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Amazingly enough, one of the top gifts on some Mid-life women's wish lists at this time of year is to escape. I am not talking about a gift certificate to a Spa Day or even a Girl's Get-away...what I am talking about is women at mid-life want to run away...get out dodge...move out..free themselves of all their cares and woes...they no longer dream of leaving their husbands and children...they actually give themselves permission to actually do it! They pack their bags and book a one way ticket to OZ!

Here is a recent response I made to a woman at my forum [Link Removed]who had been encouraged by her therapist to move out of her home, leave her children and husband behind; was having an affair and now found herself lonely and wondering if she had made the right choices. She was confused, frustrated...feeling guilt and shame, but never the less she knew she needed to do what she did. What should she do now?  

Here was my response:

The most important thing right now is for you to take care of you...everything else will come with time.  Your therapist is correct...MLC is NOT wrong or bad...yet within the crisis there are behaviors that can be good or bad...it IS about the choices that are made when a person is in it.  I also agree with the fact that it is a journey that has to be taken...just like Dorothy had to travel the Yellow Brick Road to discover that she always had the power to go home.  

If Dorothy had gotten lost...missed meeting the Scarecrow, the Tin man or the Lion...would she have learned or appreciated someone’s intelligence, heart or courage or even her own?  Would she have learned the final lesson if she had traveled the road alone?  She may have come to the same conclusions...but her journey would have been much more arduous...lonely, dangerous... and very long.  Remember, Dorothy ran away at first, which put her right smack dab in the middle of the storm!

  Each character learns a life lesson, don’t they?

The Scarecrow always had a brain...he just had to learn how to figure things out in the smartest way and then use that knowledge...and the best thing a person uses their brain for is when it used when considering others and how your decisions will affect them, to help others, to create and be passionate about the things they love the most in life.

The Tin man always had a heart...he had to learn that someone’s love is precious...just wanting a heart is not enough, while the hardest lesson is that the biggest hearts are not spared from being broken...the best love is when you love another.

The Lion learned that courage is not necessarily power or bullying another into believing something that they are not...courage is when you lay your life down for another...overcoming your own fears or sacrificing your own safety or desires for another.

All three characters learn that they need what the other wanted to get what they wanted individually...they all needed brains, heart and courage.  Ultimately, Dorothy learns that she too always had these three things...she had never lost them...she didn’t need to search for anything...they were always in her own backyard all the time...they were all within her ...BUT...she had to discover these truths on her own...if she had been told she had them already...she wouldn’t have believed it.

So, pretty much what your therapist has told you is...is to give in to the tornado of MLC...let it take you to where you believe you need to go...she is encouraging you to take the journey and you have started by moving out.

I totally understand you doing this...many women have to separate themselves from the things that they believe is making their lives miserable, confused and frustrating.  In most cases, I try to encourage women to try and stay within the home to take the journey...but some just can’t...they have to leave their homes because their H’s are not a cute little Toto dog, a friendly supportive companion...their H’s are Flying Monkey’s swooping in and carrying them off to live in a tower of emptiness and sadness...they think!  Really their H’s have no clue...in fact...their H’s are living in a different story completely, whether it be Peter Pan, James Bond or the Brady Bunch....it doesn’t really matter what their story is...it is their story...many are clueless.

It isn’t until the W drops the “I love you but I’m not in love with you ” statement that they realize that “Toto, we‘re not in Kansas anymore!”  You say your H is still in shock over this whole thing...I bet you, he is...he can’t get over the fact that he isn’t even Toto...he has been left behind completely and this isn’t the story he has been living in or ever wanted to be in.  He’s just trying to figure out when the story changed for you and why you are suddenly in Oz and he has been left on the front porch in Kansas....and he wondering who h*ll is that Wizard you have been hanging out with...he does know about this at some level...most people do....they choose to acknowledge it or not..  He is hoping that what he is suspecting is not true and since you are not coming forth with this information...in his mind it isn't or hasn't occurred...but deep down...he knows.

So, what do you do?  Travel the Yellow Brick Road is what you do...knowing that there are Wicked Witches wanting what you got and Wizards who hide behind curtains pulling the levers of a fantasy.  Dorothy has to make decisions and lessons have to be learned...this may be the hardest part.  Most importantly, Dorothy is the only one who can learn these things...she can’t be told...she has to learn them herself...so when the time is right...she can click her heels and be home...happy within herself!

That is what we are here for...to help you not to get lost on the Yellow Brick Road...give the tips and tricks of the things we have discovered, tried and successfully used.  Not everything works for all women...but there are truths...it is really up to you to decide how long this journey will take...It does take time, patience, a willingness to listen and step out of your comfort zone (You already are out of your comfort zone), understanding and knowing in the end that you will make mistakes...not everyone will forgive you for your actions...and if you are lucky enough your H or partner, along with your children will still be there when you return, but if not...well, that is a horse of a different color...and we have ways of handling that too!  

In any case, the goal for this journey is to prepare yourself for the second act of your life...What will this story be?  How will you get there? You need a plan...a map...maybe even a GPS at first...that is what we are here for. Start reading here, buy the books, go to the other web sites that are recommended...join the group study on Mid-life Mindset that I am offering at the beginning of next year at my forum.  (If you would like to get a head start private message me here at Fab40 or at the forum and I will get you started)

SO, let's get going...it is time to hit the bricks!

If you need help, encouragement, friendship with others who are on the Mid-life Yellow Brick Road come to [Link Removed] 


Shepherdess5, Your links have been removed, please consider upgrading to premium membership.



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