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Just because their family?
I have spent most of my life trying to love and be loved by my biological family. I am now 45 years old and I find myself still trying to feel worthy of their love.
Today, I realized, that I'm thru! I don't care anymore. It shouldn't be so hard to feel loved and needed by your extended family. Yes, I did move almost 600 miles away about 18 years ago, but I didn't realize when I moved that my family would basically just forget about me and my children. I bet you most of them couldn't tell you our middle names.
In the 18 years we've lived here, I could count on my hands how many times any of them have called, visited or any kind of communication in general, unless I initiated it. I have a huge family back home in NC and they were all very close when I was little. Although I never felt like I belonged or that they even cared if I existed or not....they were my family and family really means a lot to me.
Well, at the age of 45, I no longer desire the love and acceptance of that family. I am thru, over it, stick a fork in me, I'm Done! I have relieved each and all of you the expectations I had of growing old and close together. Good luck to each and every one of you and goodbye to the close family relationships I have tried to build over the years. I'm too tired extend my heart to you anymore.
I also realized today, that I have a family, mine, my husband, daughter, and my son. I have tried so hard to help them know my extended family, and almost feel as though they have had to go the extra mile to be accepted by "the family". I will not ever do that to them again. They are worthy, and they deserved to be loved unconditionally by everyone in their lives.
With this said, my family tree will start with me, my husband and my children and it will grow from there. I've spent many years trying to figure out where I came from so my children would know their heritage. I have now realized, I don't want them to know their heritage beyond me and my husband. I don't want them to feel less than and to have to reach out over and over again for some kind of connection with a family that really doesn't care either way. I know, I know...you wonder where all this comes from. You all tell me, everybody is so busy, and folks just don't get together like they used to, I'm too old to travel. Well, that's a load of crap and I refuse to accept it any more.
So, moving forward, I have all I need right here. I'm sure you will not be surprised that I will no longer try to keep you alive in the minds and hearts of my children or myself anymore. I'm also pretty sure it won't be hard to read this or to just wipe us off your Christmas card list....oh yeah, that's right, the only time I get Christmas cards from you is after I have sent mine and you feel as though you might ought to send us one.
I mean no harm by this and it is not my intention to piss anyone off ( I'm sure hurt wouldn't be a player in this situation). But, I must move forward with my life now and start anew. I have my own wonderful journeys and life's stories to pass down to my grandchildren (when I am ever blessed with them). It will be enough for them. I'm just glad that I have finally realized it. My heart is lighter, now, the pressure of being loved has been lifted.
I am loved by my family, the one that really counts, Buddy, Jessica and Trey. I'm just really sorry that I didn't see this about 30 years ago.