Don't have an account? To participate in discussions consider signing up or signing in
facebook connect
Sign-up, its free! Close [x]

Benefits

  • okay Create lasting relationships with other like minded women.
  • okay Blogging, let your voice be heard!
  • okay Interact with other women through blogs,questions and groups.
  • okay Photo Album, upload your most recent vacation pictures.
  • okay Contests, Free weekly prize drawing.
  • okay Weekly Newsletter.


Just because their family?

I have spent most of my life trying to love and be loved by my biological family. I am now 45 years old and I find myself still trying to feel worthy of their love.
Today, I realized, that I'm thru! I don't care anymore. It shouldn't be so hard to feel loved and needed by your extended family. Yes, I did move almost 600 miles away about 18 years ago, but I didn't realize when I moved that my family would basically just forget about me and my children. I bet you most of them couldn't tell you our middle names.

In the 18 years we've lived here, I could count on my hands how many times any of them have called, visited or any kind of communication in general, unless I initiated it. I have a huge family back home in NC and they were all very close when I was little. Although I never felt like I belonged or that they even cared if I existed or not....they were my family and family really means a lot to me.
Well, at the age of 45, I no longer desire the love and acceptance of that family. I am thru, over it, stick a fork in me, I'm Done! I have relieved each and all of you the expectations I had of growing old and close together. Good luck to each and every one of you and goodbye to the close family relationships I have tried to build over the years. I'm too tired extend my heart to you anymore.
I also realized today, that I have a family, mine, my husband, daughter, and my son. I have tried so hard to help them know my extended family, and almost feel as though they have had to go the extra mile to be accepted by "the family". I will not ever do that to them again. They are worthy, and they deserved to be loved unconditionally by everyone in their lives.

 With this said, my family tree will start with me, my husband and my children and it will grow from there. I've spent many years trying to figure out where I came from so my children would know their heritage. I have now realized, I don't want them to know their heritage beyond me and my husband. I don't want them to feel less than and to have to reach out over and over again for some kind of connection with a family that really doesn't care either way.  I know, I know...you wonder where all this comes from. You all tell me, everybody is so busy, and folks just don't get together like they used to, I'm too old to travel.  Well, that's a load of crap and I refuse to accept it any more.
So, moving forward, I have all I need right here. I'm sure you will not be surprised that I will no longer try to keep you alive in the minds and hearts of my children or myself anymore. I'm also pretty sure it won't be hard to read this or to just wipe us off your Christmas card list....oh yeah, that's right, the only time I get Christmas cards from you is after I have sent mine and you feel as though you might ought to send us one.
I mean no harm by this and it is not my intention to piss anyone off ( I'm sure hurt wouldn't be a player in this situation). But, I must move forward with my life now and start anew. I have my own wonderful journeys and life's stories to pass down to my grandchildren (when I am ever blessed with them). It will be enough for them. I'm just glad that I have finally realized it. My heart is lighter, now, the pressure of being loved has been lifted.
I am loved by my family, the one that really counts, Buddy, Jessica and Trey. I'm just really sorry that I didn't see this about 30 years ago.



  •  

Member Comments

    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Tuliplady wrote Jul 11, 2009
    • Good for you Lisa!!!!

      Tulip



            Report  Reply


    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Lisa Middlesworth wrote Jul 11, 2009
    • I feel as if my life is starting over today! Thanks Tulip, this wasn’t an easy decision to make.

      estatic*Lcm*
      heartheartheartheart



            Report  Reply


    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Frannie1964 wrote Jul 11, 2009
    • I am sure that wasn’t easy at all. Kudos Lisa.
      (((((( Hugz Lisa )))))))



            Report  Reply


    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Lisa Middlesworth wrote Jul 11, 2009
    • Thanks, for being my back up and support.

      estatic*Lcm*
      heartheartheartheart



            Report  Reply


    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Lazylola wrote Jul 11, 2009
    • Lisa,

      I realized that with my own family a long time ago, I cut the remaining connection with my mother and with many other family members. I still am close to a few aunts and uncles, but for the most part I have created my own family with my kids and friends. I am closer to some friends and call them family and have found that they too have embraced me as such, it will never truly feel like real family but I am closer to them than I am to blood family. It makes for better peace of mind than continually being rejected by family. My boys have no grandparents and I hurt for them in that sense. I do my part to provide them with all the love I never received from my own family. I applaud you for the courage you had to come to terms with this decision. It is their loss but your gain. Thanks for sharing.



            Report  Reply


    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Lisa Middlesworth wrote Jul 11, 2009
    • Thanks Lola, it’s good to know that I’m not the only one that feels this way.

      estatic*Lcm*
      heartheartheartheart



            Report  Reply


    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Jenz ~ wrote Jul 13, 2009
    • Hi there. You‘re so not alone in feeling this way. Within this past few years, I’ve done the same thing other than remaining close to my aunt, uncle & 1st cousins (who do love and back me up in a situation similar to yours.)

      There is no reason to accept toxic or ignorant people into your life- family or not. I applaud you in being strong and making healthy decisions for yourself and your family.  

      If I allowed it, I have a grandmother and a ‘mom’ who’d talk to me in control freak, berating ways every chance they were given, if they communicate at all. It’s very strange that they don’t see how ridiculous they sound when they DO speak and that they don’t realize that the traits they’ve passed down are dysfunctional. It’s taken alot of strength to work through things like that and make the decision to basically dismiss them from our daily lives.
      On another note, I’m very grateful I recognized alot of these things at a young age - thank GOD I’m not like them!  

      Best of luck to you! I just know you‘re strong and will remain completely confident about your decision. Their loss I say. Have a wonderful day.



            Report  Reply


    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Fraz764 wrote Jul 13, 2009
    • I think we have the same family!!

      I have made the same decision, it is difficult but you will feel much better in the long run.  

      It was like a rollercoaster for me, but I realized that I was doing all of the giving and trying so I had to get off the ride.



            Report  Reply


    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Angelcart wrote Jul 13, 2009
    • Wow, sorry to hear about all you have been through.  I’m the opposite in that the only blood relatives I have are my son and a sister in  California.  I have my stepmother whom I’m close too.  I used to find myself jealous of friends with both parents, lot’s of siblings but not if it were to be like that.  I think you made the right decision.



            Report  Reply


    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Zena Coleman wrote Nov 22, 2009
    • You‘re not the one with the problem.



            Report  Reply


About this author View Blog » 
author