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A rose by any other name would still smell as sweet and would still be a rose, regardless of the name.  Yeah, a paraphrase of a line  by Romeo, a man, written by Shakespeare, another man, and it's a crock of shit.  Any man will tell you that names are important.  Adam was the first man, according to some beliefs, to name things.  Eve comes along and submissively, unquestioningly, proceeds to call all the land, birds, animals, and fauna the names Adam has decided upon.  Men need to name things.  Naming things directly correlates to ownership.  If I name this thing, it now becomes mine.  In the movie, Over The Hedge, when Hammie finds the hedge, and the other animals  don't know what to call it, he names it "Steve."  Once the hedge has a name, it is no longer scary, as it sounds "nice." If we can name it, we can conquer it, thereby conquering our fear.  Why do you think over the ages, women's last names have been changed to their man's last name?  Simple answer: ownership.  The man now owns the woman because of her last name.  He has "given" it to her, and now he can conquer her; he can own her.  That's why men have so many issues if the woman doesn't change her name quickly enough.
"Oh, your driver's license is still in your former name. Does this mean you don't want to be married to me? Does this mean you want to keep your old identity?" Well, hell YES, I want to keep my identity. Just because I married you, doesn't mean I give up who I am. I only change my last name for the benefit of EASE. It's easier for people to address cards. It's easier for a tax return. It's easier to sign documents. It's easier to introduce ourselves- BUT it is not easier to give up who we are as women. We have spent many years with one name, developed a reputation with one name, whether good or bad, or anywhere in between, that is uniquely ours. And yet, we are supposed to give that up at the request of the MAN, to prove that he now OWNS us. What is he, a skunk, or dog, spraying his territory? PLEASE. Regardless of my last name, my feelings, my beliefs, my actions, WHO I AM, is ME, not based on some stupid tradition of changing last names.
I've had so many last names, I now prefer to go by "Cher." Easier, no mess, hell, no real reputation except I've had lots of plastic surgery, and I sing "Halfbreed." Has the change of my last name really changed who I am? No. It's just indicated whether I was single, or married and to whom. Ownership again. I began life with the last name of my father (and all men seem to believe that children are property to do with what they please), who owned me, at least until he disowned me, to my last husband, who also believes that he can own me. What I wear, how I wear my make-up, whether to color, cut or style my hair, who I can talk to, where I can go, and , now, apparently what I can do with stuff I BUY is all subject to having his permission. What the fuck? How do I get away from this ownership crap?
Women are different. We have more feelings. I don't own my husband. I don't tell him where or when he can go places, nor do I tell him with whom he can converse. Does that mean I don't care? Or does that just mean I'm STUPID? I think it means I respect him as an individual.
Respect- a whole different essay. How does a man show respect for a woman? By paying the mortgage? What a load of shit. It's the kind acts within a relationship that really matter. Not who's right, or who's wrong. Not who gets to take the blame for a problem- as we all know that it's much easier to blame someone else other than to take responsibility for our own actions- but the simple act of kindness and respect for each other's beliefs is what respect is supposed to be. Even if we have opposing opinions.
Men- all those concepts, trust, belief in something they cannot touch or feel, basic understandings of self and others, are difficult for them to understand- which begins at "I do."  Whereby She Does take My Name, and now I Own Her, for better, or if it gets worse- hell, I'll just divorce her.  Then I can change my last name again.  No, thank you. Please, just call me Cher.



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Member Comments

    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Ladybug wrote Sep 14, 2008
    • Damn, you must be pissed. I understand and you‘re right. After 20 years it’s on my list to change my name back to my maiden name legally. My son once asked me not to change it so I didn’t. (He has acted like a man since the age of 4)

      Shakespeare had an unharmonious relationship with his wife, if it matters. They lived apart. You‘re not alone, it matters to me too. I never changed the name on my ss card, but I have to get that name off my DL before I die.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Evelyn03 wrote Sep 14, 2008
    • I was very angry when I wrote that- angry and frustrated with myself for allowing myself to submit to someone else.  Soon, I’ll be back to my maiden name...  and happily living alone with my three children.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Yolanda Harris wrote Sep 14, 2008
    • **The man now owns the woman because of her last name. He has "given" it to her, and now he can conquer her; he can own her. That's why men have so many issues if the woman doesn't change her name quickly enough.
      "Oh, your driver's license is still in your former name. Does this mean you don't want to be married to me? Does this mean you want to keep your old identity?" Well, hell YES, I want to keep my identity. Just because I married you, doesn't mean I give up who I am.**

      YES, THE ABOVE IS SO TRUE !

      I named my daughter with a hyphen last name so when she does or if she does marry, her surname from me will stay and become hyphened in marriage. My spouse ask why I did that, I replied because we all have family bloodline and why should I allow your to dominate mines out and allow my heritage to be erased because we united. I already committed to the marriage which meant unite so if you want you can share my surname? His response :
      Does this mean you want to keep your old identity?"



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Ladybug wrote Sep 15, 2008
    • Do men actually hear themselves when they say things like that?



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Evelyn03 wrote Sep 15, 2008
    • They must know what they say, but apparently they‘re not listening.



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