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I am so unhappy with my life right now. I have been diagnosed as clinically depressed and have been off my meds for two months because of money issues.  I’ve been married for five months to someone that I have had an off and on relationship for 20 years.  I think this might be one of the biggest mistakes I have ever made.  My kids are unhappy about this marriage, we are all walking around on eggshells trying to ignore all of the tension.  And on top of everything else, I feel both guilty and trapped because he underwent surgery for bladder cancer a year ago, and now he ahs traveled from Ohio to Georgia to marry me.  He didn’t tell me that because of the surgery he now suffers from ED and his pride will not let him talk about it, and he did not tell me about the ED until after we were married.  He expects the entire household to revolve around what he wants.  He constantly insults me, my parenting, everything and then when I fight back he turns sugary sweet and says “I love you, why are you acting this way“,  My kids constantly complain and ask me why I do this and I can’t answer them because I don’t know.  Even when I think about geeting out of it, I feel bad because he came such a long way and I feel trapped because I just found out that I am being garnished and although I have been carrying most of the bills as he only works part time,  I now need his income to make up for what I am losing with the garnishment.  I am so sad and I just don’t know what to do.  I keep praying over all of it but I still feel so sad and like I have to fight to keep myself from crying all of the time. Thank you for letting me talk.



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Member Comments

    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Jennifer Stewart wrote Jan 5, 2009
    • I’m not sure what to say as far as advice goes, but i’m pretty sure alot of us on this site are going thru our own problems and issues.  So we know how you feel when you are at your breaking point and feel like there isn’t a light at the end of the tunnel.  I’m going thru a divorce at the moment right now.  It was the best decision i made, but it was a hard one and has had its trying times right along with it.  I know this much life is too short to be anything but happy.  You always have to remember that you are worth all the happiness you and your kids can have.  It might be a cliche’ already but, 2009 is a new year for all of us to make the changes needed to accomplish that.  Good luck and i’ll be thinking about you.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      (華娃娃) ChinaDoll wrote Jan 5, 2009
    • Suzette: First welcome and open up.  I am sorry that life is having a toll on you.  Allow me to be bold, it appears that husband of yours did not marry you for the right reason, as if he wanted someone to take care of him period.  I too have to take care of an ill husband and I can understand it can be very draining.  You need your meds otherwise you feel bad.  See if there is anyway to get some free sample from your doctor.  Cutting then off is not good esp when your stress level increase.  No one can tell you what to do but I can say we are here for you.  Sending you hugs... check out the meds, the crying can be a withdrawal resulted from that.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Suzette wrote Jan 5, 2009
    • Thank you so much ladies, just knowing that you are there and that this site exists helps me more than you know.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      UK Girl wrote Jan 5, 2009
    • Oh, honey I don’t know what to say other than - it does sound like he married you for a nurse rather than a wife and he is very selfish.

      I know it must seem like there is no light at the end of the tunnel but I do think you have to consider yourself and your children - there is only you that can make a decision about your future but we will be hear to listen to you all along the way ...



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Suzette wrote Jan 5, 2009
    • Thank you ladies, so much. In answer to the reason for the garnishment. The garnishment is for a student loan from a private lender, that I co-signed with my daughter, and after she was laid off, she was unable to make the payments and we were unsuccessful at getting them to lower the payments so that I could try to make them, we were turned down for deferrment and subsequently I am being garnished.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Denise Richardson wrote Jan 5, 2009
    • Suzette, there is someone out there more worse off then you. Stop looking at the bads things in life and look at all the good and trust me there is a lot of good in your life. One of those good things is your still here so celebrate that! It could be a lot worse but you have the opportunity to change things for yourself your life is what YOU make it, what is it that YOU want for YOU? Even with the bad economy don’t let things get you down there is a light at the end of the tunnel and there is a rainbow after the storm.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Feathermaye wrote Jan 5, 2009
    • You’ve been given some great advice here, and I would like to add just a bit more, a piece of a lesson I have learned over the years.

      You are not responsible for your husband or his emotions. Period.

      Marriages begin and end for all sorts of reasons. You cannot allow yourself to feel bad because of his problems, particularly when he was not honest with you about them in the beginning. He is simply using you (whether he realizes it or not. I tend to believe, based on what you’ve said, that he realizes all too well how good he has it right now).

      You have to take care of you first, or the rest of it won’t matter. If you don’t have his mouth to feed, or his drain on the utilities and other expenses, will you be able to afford your meds?

      You have to stop taking responsibility for his happiness, and start taking responsibility for your own . You'll be amazed at how clearly the rest of the picture presents itself to you if you start here.

      You deserve happiness!



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Dee Dee Shaw wrote Jan 17, 2009
    • Great advice from everyone. It sounds like you are easy to take on a guilt trip too. I used to let my mom do that to me - all the time, every day.  I think when you look at pros and cons, especially with regard to your kids... leaving him would not just be good for you, but for them too, no matter what kind of financial fix it would put you in. There is help out there - you just have to find it.  

      It is hard to give advice without knowing the whole story, but from what I read, he is using you - and is an expert manipulator.
      I can’t even remember where I posted my story (not near so dramatic as yours) but like you, I was dying to self to serve everyone else. I realized that I had to change that if I didn’t want to be miserable for the rest of my life. Maybe the blog about 2009... or maybe one near the beginning of my joining here. My attitude has changed. I am happier than I have ever been, even though circumstances haven’t changed.
      In your case, I think they are going to have to (unless He wants to admit he has issues and work on himself. ED is something that can often be remedied, but it sounds like there is much more to the problem than that.) We are here for you if you need a listening ear.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Coachmombabe wrote Jan 17, 2009
    • Suzette, please correct me if I have misunderstood. You married this man because he came a long way to marry you and you didn’t want to disappoint him. Now he is treating you badly and you are reluctant to sever the relationship because you don’t want to hurt him.  

      He is blaming his E.D. on you, because you had bladder surgery. I am under the impression he has not seen a doctor about his condition?

      I’m just seeking some clarity. Please forgive me if I’ve taken this all wrong.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Suzette wrote Jan 20, 2009
    • Actually he had the bladder surgery, due to his Cancer.  He had bladder cancer and his bladder was replaced.  Some of his nerves were severed during the surgery which causes the ED.  He did travel a long way, and I don’t want to hurt him, plus he has told me that before marrying me, he was afraid that no one was going to want him.



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