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“It’s been a year since he left me and I still can’t move on.”  

The voice on the other end of the phone dripped with emotion.  Trembling, she went on to tell her story.  Married for 15 years to the love of her life, she came home one day and he was gone.  

“I haven’t loved you in years.”  The note on the kitchen table said.  “You may not be able to see it now, but someday you will thank me for this?”  

WHAT?  As I listened to the quiet sobbing on the other end of the phone, tears came to my own eyes.  I know what it feels like to be abandoned.  How about you?  Are you still wrapped up tight in the pain of your breakup?  Are you embarrassed because you didn’t see it coming?  Are you terrified to move forward and not sure what to do?  

It is 100% normal to feel these things.  Countless people STAY in bad relationships because they are terrified by another breakup.  You may think you are hopelessly lost but at least you are out of the relationship and that is a good thing.  Even if you can’t see that right now.  

You can learn how to let go of your ex.   Here are three steps you can take today to start finding your way out of the dark.  

1.  Stop Picking On Yourself.  How many times have your criticized yourself in the days since your breakup?  Thoughts like “How could I have been such an idiot?”  “What is wrong with me?”  “I’ll never trust a man again.”  “I am doomed to attracting emotionally vacant women.”  You have to stop doing this.  As Louise Hay says, “Stop terrifying yourself.”  I know you went through the worst breakup ever, but believe it or not, the breakup IS NOT HURTING YOU!  It is your THOUGHTS about the break up that are killing you.  The good news is you are the only one who can change your thoughts.  Pretty good news when you feel so out of control right now.

2.  Get Your Emotional Turmoil Out Of You.  Write letters to your ex and burn them or take a black crayon and scribble on as many pieces of paper as you need to.  I know this sounds lame and seems like putting a bandaid on an amputation.  I know everything in you resists this but, and this is a big but, can’t you feel your thoughts running around in a never ending circle?  A part of you is hanging on to the pain with all its might.  Strange but true.  A part of you does not want to recover?  Why?  Could be that being in pain is the only way you can create a cushion of safety around yourself so you won’t try again and invest in a new Love.  Security is a strong motivator.  If you write your heart out and tell the no good S.O.B what you think about what he did and then BURN it, you will feel empowered.  You will feel more secure and calmer.  

3.  Get Help.  Send out an SOS to your closest friends.  Get some advice on where you can get some support.  One of your friends has an experience just like yours.  Ask how they moved on.  My first step was Al-Anon.  That wonderful group of people helped me face the inevitable.  Besides that, it was Emotional Freedom Technique that turned my life around.  EFT allowed me to forgive myself and everyone else who added to the drama.  EFT also helped me accept my clairvoyance and opened me to seeing the world with completely different eyes.  Each person has to find their own answer in this journey toward healing but when we share our resources, we find the direction we need.  

Remember that the best revenge is a happy life.  Put that ex behind you once and for all and find a way to be happy again.  It is SO worth the effort.  You are a beautiful person who trusted and loved and grew.  You can do that again if you choose to, pick a strategy and find a way to move forward.  I believe in you.

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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Denise Critcher wrote Apr 11, 2010
    • You‘re absolute right Catherine, I loved your blog. It’s only been 6 months for me, but I’m the one who left. I asked my husband one simple question that was totally out of the blue. I asked him in 10 years what do you think we’ll be doing? His responds was “Well I Know I will still be playing GOLF! I knew from that snap answer he gave me that there wasn’t “WE” just “I” in that comment.
      At that moment I knew 1. He didn’t respect me. 2. He wasn’t thinking of “OUR” future. And 3. I have a lot to live for and it wasn’t going to be with him. It was such an AH moment for me.
      I know in the past several months I have been bashing men and I don’t mean to, but it’s been my own thoughts of been a victim and I have to get over that. I have to live for the moment and the future not the past.
      My problem is that I’m a take this problem and solve it as soon as I can person, and my future ex-husband is a “I’ll stick my head in the sand and wait until it’s over type of person and that’s what’s killing me. I just want this ugly mess to get done with and he’s dragging his feet.
      But I’m going on with my life whether it takes one month or a year to get this divorce.
      Thanks for the encouraging words.estatic

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