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Today my horoscope reads:
“LEO Are you hanging on to some cherished idea or plan that has long outlived its usefulness? Now might be the time for you to try something new, even if it means turning your life inside-out for a bit.”
Funny “IT” should ask! I ask myself that everyday! Being here in the home of my EX-Husband and our two daughters has not been easy. I should be grateful. I should be thrilled to have a chance to have it all again. But, I don’t. I feel trapped. I feel disappointed that I was unable to maintain self support. I admire you ladies who are living single and maintaining stability.
My daughters are thrilled I am here. My Ex says he is thrilled.
I am here for my daughters. Whether that is right or wrong, that is why I am here.
The relationship between my EX and I is complicated to say the least.
I don’t mind “turning my life inside out” In fact, I would welcome it! I just don’t want to hurt the girls. I lost custody of them in the divorce.
I was home at my mothers in Illinois when it took place. My EX claimed he didn’t know where I was and filed that I had abandonded them. He had an add put in the local paper here in Oklahoma. I didn’t know about it until I got back in Oklahoma. He lied, he knew exactly where I was. We talked almost daily.
I am not being honest with myself I guess. I thought I wanted a relationship with my EX. I see now that I don’t. I am angry. I went for it because it was the easiest route. Turns out it isn’t easy at all.
I resent the POWER he has.  

 “LEO You‘re back where you want to be—at least in some way. It may be that you‘re saying what you mean, rather than hiding behind clever words, or that you are living life just as you please.”

I am back in the home of my Ex-Husband and our two daughters 10 & 6 years old.
We have been divorced for nearly 5 years. In those five years I have made choices that have broken me mentally, physically, spiritually, and financially.
I feel in my heart this is where I need to be, but it is very hard. I am trying to get help from a state funded program to help me deal with all my fears.
A part of me wants to just ignore them and step out and live life as I know best, but I know I will only relive what I have, and that’s not living.  I believe I need new “tools” and new ideas.

So yes, I am where I want to be just not in the “shape” I want to be in.  I don’t want to go back to how I was when I was here before, I want to be better.
I want to be a better example for my daughters than I was before.



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Member Comments

    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Leah Curry wrote May 13, 2009
    • Make sure that you take care of yourself so that you can get back to the shape that you want to be. I clicked on your blog because it said LEO and I am a LEO, however what is written is deeper than expected.  

      Do what you need to do, be happy, and take care of yourself and your daughters.

      -Leah



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Mztracy wrote May 13, 2009
    • If this is truly what you want and is a safe place for you and daughters, then i am truly happy for you.

      Make sure you are doing it for the right reasons!
      Blessings



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Vikki Hall wrote May 13, 2009
    • Only you can decide how you want to be. And yes having children and wanting to be a good parent to them is part of that.
      I commend you for trying.... hang in!



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Mjmurphy wrote May 13, 2009
    • Wow Dawn, it sounds like you are in the process of recreating yourself. How exciting! You will find lots of support and advice if needed from the wonderful women here at Fab40. I have found this place to be so much more than I expected the first time I logged in. Best Wishes to your success!



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