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Sorry, ive been missing in action here lately, we have alot going on here and im trying to solve some of it. My oldest son returned home, with wife and stepson in tow, He is now seeing his other son, and so far theres been no new drama. Thank God.
My middle son, is trying to get me to drop everything and return to Nashville,Tn for a week to babysit his two sons, 2 yrs and 1 yr. I love my grandsons with all my heart, But im more than a little upset by the newest demand from my son. Last year they talked me into getting on a bus, to come down there and help out because my daughter in law was going into early labor(8 months along).
When i got there i found out they had lied to me about the early labor, But of course they talked me into staying, and my husband even joined me, We talked on relocating there. But my daughter in law freaked out on us several months later, She threw me out in the streets with my belongings. She suffers from depression and aniexty, But my son let his wife throw out his mother, and never said a word to me or her about it.
I came home and didnt talk to them for several months, But in time i forgave them, but i didnt forget you know. But again i have grandkids so what are you going to do.
We were supposed to go down for the fourth of july weekend, for my grandsons 1st birthday, But now i guess money is tight and i cant go.
I found out this week that they had planned to talk me into staying for a week when i got down there, because they need a sitter for the kids. AM i wrong to be upset by this? I told him today that i just couldnt do it, i cant afford to go down there right now. and i need to be at home.
My unemployment could be affected by the newest agenda not signed by congress, so i really feel like i need to go back to work, And not just for the money for me also.
I so wished i could enjoy my family instead of feeling like they are driving me to the brink of insanity. Im so pissed right now.
In one way they are making me feel guilty for not doing what they want of me, but in the other way, I freaking want my life back, im so sick of being the sitter for my grandkids. I really dont feel like im loved by my kids, im just the easiest thing to push and use.
It has to stop somewhere and soon. I love my kids, maybe to much. But when do i get my time, now that i have raised my kids. Me and my husband want to be together, we want time and peace.
I dont know how to get it across to my kids,, Im trying but its like they arent hearing me, they want what they want, and they dont care about anyone or anything else.
I have listened to everyone here, and im trying to get my point across. I just wished they wouldnt make me feel like such a bad grandparent and parent.
And im very sestive and it really hurts that kids just dont care about me. anyhow i will try and get on here more very soon.
I feel for you! Definitely don’t go to your middle son’s house as they will try to guilt you into doing the babysitting. Kids can be so tough sometimes. I’m sure that they love you, but they aren’t above being manipulative too. Enjoy the 4th with your loving hubby!
Hi Tracy,
I know you love your grandkids. But it’s also true that if your son and DIL don’t treat you with respect, even show love and cherish you, anyone’s natural reaction is to back off.
To me, you said it all when you said, “Me and my husband want to be together, we want time and peace.”
Tracy, that’s the key. Right now, it’s got to be you and hubz. The kids are fine, thank goodness, they’ll be just fine without you babysitting for awhile.
It’s turned into almost a crisis. And in my mind, the solution is:
Don’t argue with them, reason with them, try to get them to understand you. They won’t. It’s useless.
You know you love your grandchildren, and you know you’ll see them and babysit for them when you feel the time is right. So don’t let anyone “guilt” you into anything that isn’t on YOUR agenda.
The truth is, the most important relationship right now for you is with your husband. If he wants time alone with you, you’ve got to go for it (IMHO). If you and hubby are right with each other, everything else will flow.
The key is: Don’t get into any guilt trips. You have nothing to feel guilty about. Guilt will make us do stuff that is bad for us. If you are thinking of an idea that’s based on guilt, let it go.
Spend time with hub. Work that stuff out. At our age, relationship with hub is the most important.
Tracy- you have every right to be upset! It may sound trite but if you can I recommend speaking with a counselor. If that is not possible there are several books about setting boundaries- my husband had this problem and his therapist suggested a book ( can’t remember the title) google saying no and guilt. I am sure you will find a lot of resources.
You can love your kids, spend time with your grandkids and maintain the peace in your life- with some work.
Don’t allow this behavior to continue. Your daughter in law may have some challenges- that is understandable- her behavior is in excusable. And your son- for not standing up to her.. No Way.
Take some time to learn how to say no and to feel good about it.
Best,
Hi Tracy...
i can not add anything else to what the ladies say.. i agree with them all..
im sorry you have to go through this!
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