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I am confused. I thought I would be the one losing my mind. I was sure Clay would be perfectly happy (for awhile at least) to have some peace and quiet... all to himself time. Poor guy. He is miserable. I guess the change from having the din and inevitable clutter created by nine little munchins and a momma who hates to clean house to the extended stay hotel where he comes home to a made up bed, and deafening silence is a shock to the system. Forget culture shock! He has even complained about the varying temperatures - this from a man who loves cold, and would be happy for it to be winter year round.  

I don't get it. We talked and dreamed for over two years of moving to the mid west. This job just fell into his lap. When he came back from the F2F interview, he raved about how great the company was. Now he is not sure he can adapt. They are too organized (coming from an engineer!) Maybe he is just scared that he is now a little fish in a big pond instead of being the only fish at his old job.  

I don’t know, but I am scratching my head. He hasn’t been there a week, and he is serious about paying $500 for a plane ticket home for TWO days. I love him dearly and would be more than happy to have him come home next week, but I am also miserly too. We have made some financial sacrifices for him to take this job. Our resources will run out eventually, sooner rather than later at this rate. I am also between a rock and a hard spot. If I encourage him to wait until the end of the year, he is going to get his feelings hurt. Even thouh he is so pragmatic, and non-romantic, he still is easily offended. If I book the ticket, I know that it will eat into our ‘interim’ budget... and we still have the moving expenses ahead of us.

Should I just let go, and trust God on this? Should I gently suggest he consider our budget? Neither of us are great at budgeting. We make it, we spend it. That doesn’t mean we are extravagant exactly. I guess most would think a family the size of ours is extravagant. :) What I meant was we don’t splurge on a lot of luxury items. We have just been sucked into living the Amerian way. As long as there is more money than month life is good. Now we are looking at taking the same money and making it stretch 1600 miles to cover two sets of living expenses. Hmmm.... What were we thinking?!?! It is really difficult to be the recipient of your own advice. It is much easier to tell someone else to have faith, and be patient.



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Member Comments

    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Marie Hempsey wrote Nov 20, 2008
    • WOW Tough one....I would not want to make this decision. What i will do though is pray for you to have guidance in making it. Pray on it and see where it leads you!
      Friends,
      Ree



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Cynthia Schmidt wrote Nov 20, 2008
    • Dee Dee, you and the kids, well, you‘re his life! This strange town and all by himself must feel foreign to him. I’m sure he misses you all terribly. This is also a big thing he has on his shoulders. What if he were to take the job and it’s not right for him. He has a family to care for.

      I know this must be weighing heavily on him. He loves his family so much and wants what’s best for all



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Dee Dee Shaw wrote Nov 20, 2008
    • Cynthia,
      I don’t know why, but what you wrote just made me cry... and gave me an answer. We’ll be seeing Daddy for Thanksgiving. :) Thanks!



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Dee Dee Shaw wrote Nov 20, 2008
    • BTW, do you always know exactly what to say??? LOL I think it is your gift!



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Yana Berlin wrote Nov 20, 2008
    • Dee Dee,

      I’m so happy you made the right choice, sometimes you got to do what you got to do, and the rest will work out by itself.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Jenz ~ wrote Nov 20, 2008
    • I agree with Yana on this matter. You gotta do, what you gotta do. As a family, you will do what is best. Best of luck to you & have a wonderful Thanksgiving. :)



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Cynthia Schmidt wrote Nov 20, 2008
    • Dee Dee, I just read what you wrote and now I’m crying. That made my heart grow. God bless you for that.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Bobbi Bacha wrote Nov 20, 2008
    • I concur with all above, Dee Dee, we all splurge and live the American way, day to day, pay to pay.  Your a wonderful mother and wife, and I think he misses you and you miss him.

      Enjoy Thanksgiving, sounds like “Lonesome Dove“.  You two need each other, badly.

      Im crying now too.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Linni wrote Nov 21, 2008
    • Hi Dee Dee.. im glad you are booking him a flight home.. you, the children, and he himslef NEEDS THIS! God WILL PROVIDE! remember that always!

      Gods Blessings to you
      Love Linni



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Darla5 wrote Nov 21, 2008
    • DeeDee,

      Sometimes we plan and plan and make the move, only to find out it was not the right move. I had a great job opportunity before Don and I got married. I left my job to take this one. All my belongings were in storage. My parent’s watched my children for 6 weeks while I was in intensive training and I was in an hotel.

      About 4 weeks into it. I was extremely sick and came back to my Doctor in B‘ham. I had recently gotten out of the hospital for kidney problems. Anyway, long story short. I could not physically take on a job that stressful. My body was telling me that.

      I had to take this job and go through all the hoops to only find out it was not the one. It worked out for the best. I got a better job than that one and the rest is history.

      I know what it is like to be away from your childen and family. It is hard.  

      I cannot imagine what Clay is feeing. Everything is new and he has noone to share it with. It is all so foreign. A wife is called his help mate. He is not whole without you. You both complete each other.

      I will join with you in praying for wisdom. Remember Matt. 18: 19 & 20. We will have that covered.

      Just keep talking to God. He will answer in only a way that he can. He is faithful and you already know that. I have read many of your writings. You are his child and he wants what is best for you. He will give you the answer!!!



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Dee Dee Shaw wrote Nov 21, 2008
    • Wow Darla,
      I guess - thank you - I think. LOL
      I have another friend who told me a similar story about her husband having a job dumped in his lap. They thought it was the right thing to do... and they still haven’t sold their home, 2 years later. :( He is able to work some from home though, and they aren’t so far away so he is able to be home monthly.  

      I am still convinced that this was the right thing to do. I do know if we had walked away, we would have always wondered if we walked away from a door that God opened. I don’t want to live with regrets. If we give it a shot, and it doesn’t work we can look back on it as a learning experience. If we find that we can’t sell the house, or Clay hates the job... then at least we tried. YKWIM? I just have to convince him to read some of my self improvement books so he can have a more positive outlook. :)  

      Life is filled with choices. I am so thankful that even though we choose our steps, it is God that directs our path. I have learned through the school of hard knocks to give thanks in all things.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Darla5 wrote Nov 21, 2008
    • DeeDee,

      It is all going to work out. I was tryings to say in my first post that I had to try it and it did not work for ME. I agree that if you did not try you would always be wondering.  

      You guys have planned and prayed and it WILL work out. Even though all the planning has been done sometimes we do not take into account how hard it is when those heart strings are being pulled. He is missing you and I am sure the children laughter and the day to day things. It is the little things that mean the most. Everything is new and for me change is scary.

      YOu know you have alot of people supporting you and praying for you. Hang in there.

      As for the school of hard knocks, I graduated from there also. How did we pass each other by??? We should have a wall of degrees. As I say on my profile...Good judgement comes from experience...most of that from bad judgement.

      I am cheering you on. I am impressed with all you have gotten done this morning. Girl, I need your energy!!!



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Dee Dee Shaw wrote Nov 21, 2008
    • Darla,
      Thanks for your encouraging words. I thrive on change; it paralyzes Clay. I think ones he gets settled in it will be better. I am an eternal optimist, he is a pessimist (or realist according to him. LOL) He is the one who was so excited about this opportunity. Had it played out that he started immediately (back in August) I think it would have been easier for him because he would have still been enthusiastic. Hopefully this trip home I can ‘psych’ him up and help him to be excited again!

      Good judgement comes from experience...most of that from bad judgement  - I *love that statement. So true too. :)

      As for energy.... It has not always been so. I once suffered from chronic fatigue and bordered on depression. 12 hours of sleep, and a nap too... and I was still tired. I am so thankfful those days are over! So is my family! Ha!



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