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Well, after a whirlwind visit, I am praying even harder for the house to sell. I was sure that being able to come home, and knowing the next visit is only a few weeks away would curb the feelings of loneliness. I was wrong! I guess a positive outcome from all of our struggles is that we are getting to know one another better - and we’ve been married for almost 23 years! I am still puzzled. The emotional roles have been flip-flopped. I was the one who was going to fall apart, not him. He was the one who was going to feel like he was on vacation. His poor forlorn voice sounds as if he feels like he is in jail.
So, we’ve come up with a plan. First of all, he is going to make a list of all the reasons we decided to make this move. He is going to remind himself of why he was so impressed with this company. At the top of the list is the offer to give him two full weeks off at the end of the year when he has only been there less than two months! He is going to start looking at the houses we have selected as possibilities this week. We are developing a count down plan so that he can focus on small, short chunks of time. Our first milestone will be Dec 19th when he flies back home. We will also map out a travel plan so that we can fly him home every 3 to 4 weeks. Our first short-term decision point will be when he has been with the company for 90 days. Right now, he is struggling to even look at six months. We may have to drastically drop the price on the house, even though it would mean losing buying power on the other end.
I am open to suggestions ladies. If anyone has any ideas to help make this transition period easier, I am all ears! I did order him some books to help him focus on being positive. I am not sure if sending care packages would help or make him more homesick.
Thanks for listening to me ramble. I am just grasping for straws as to how I can help him deal with his feelings. *I* am the emotional one in our family. I even told him today - if it would help him, I could unmask my feelings. We tend to compliment one another perfectly. When I am weak, he is strong....and vice versa. I suggested that maybe my not struggling with it as much was making him feel as if I didn’t care. I reminded him (and myself) that God’s timing is perfect. Not knowing how the future will unfold definitely makes being patient much harder. LOL



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Member Comments

    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Linni wrote Nov 30, 2008
    • pray my dear friend! and i will lift you both up in prayer also!

      God will get you BOTH through this! :)



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      (華娃娃) ChinaDoll wrote Nov 30, 2008
    • As a couple, I think you are doing great!
      As an individual, I think you are also doing great!
      All I can say is couple tends to throw their emotional sandbags to each other and play catch
      That’s the beauty and fundamental requirement stemmed from real love and care
      Meanwhile it can also be draining when it becomes too much to bare
      Besides whatever you are already doing, I suggest to also encourage him to expand his social circle
      find a church for future family resettling
      as well as new friendship cultivating
      Focus on the big picture though he can see only the corner.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Dee Dee Shaw wrote Nov 30, 2008
    • Thank you both.
      Playing emotional catch is a great way to put it Chinadoll.
      I have encouraged him to get together with the realtor we are working with this coming weekend.
      He is having trouble adjusting to new work hours and less sunlight too. Again, I thought that would cause me to have issues, not him! Maybe we are more alike than I ever realized.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Linda Hendricks wrote Dec 1, 2008
    • Long distance relationships are extremely tough... but you can make it work in the short term.... I know... Warren and I were 1,000 miles apart in the beginning of our relationship.

      I think its an excellent idea to fly him back every 3-4 weeks.... I think that decision is pivotal.... communicating via telephone.... (unlimited long distance is the best thing since sliced bread)... I’m sure you speak nightly... if you don’t start... if you don’t have unlimited long distance... get it...  

      It was nice talking to him late at night... we’d both be in bed and talk about the things we would have talked about when we were in person... it helps a lot... schedule private time with him on the phone... I’m not talking phone sex... I’m talking about things you normally talk about with just the two of you... and by the way... teasing on the phone is not bad too... makes the other person feel as though they are wanted sexually.

      Warren and I used to play solitare on messenger while on the phone... it was like he was there... I know you have a boat load of kids... and a million things to do... but remember he doesn’t... so he’s lonely... make time for him... it will help enormously.

      Do you have a web cam?  If not... they‘re cheap... that helps too.

      Good Luck... time will pass and you will be back to normal.

      Linda



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Jenni0811 wrote Dec 1, 2008
    • I’ve learned through the years that despite their tough exteriors, men are very emotional beings...perhaps more so because they carry it all around inside of them until it bursts out...and always on a person they feel closest to. That can be a lot of weight to absorb and carry for you. Linda had some very excellent suggestions...stay verbally connected as much as possible. Out of sight does equal out of mind, so don’t let it get to that point. You two can actually become closer than other couples living together because you will put every effort into staying connected instead of taking your partner for granted. Loneliness can be staved off with other interpersonal connections, such as church, and social groups...like this one! Best of luck to you both and keep us posted. We are all here to help and support you  :)



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Dee Dee Shaw wrote Dec 1, 2008
    • Great suggestions! Thanks. We do talk daily. I try to find time to call him (as a wake up call) and we talk every night. Verizon wireless rocks. :) The webcam is something I have considered. He is computer challenged at the moment. The old one he took with him died from some travel related internal injury, so a new laptop is on the list of things to aquire.
      Jenni - he is very much an introvert and doesn’t understand my addiction to Fab40. He would just play games on the comp, but it would give him something relaxing to do to wind down after work.



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