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So here it is...my first blog. I may as well start with something that has been weighing heavily on my mind and heart over the past 3 weeks.  

We all know by now that as you go through life you lose friends. We all learn that you move on from each loss. But also, by now, we start taking the loss harder because with practice during childhood, teen years and on, we’ve learned to maintain long relationships and any loss is harder to cope with.  

I have just lost a friend, I think anyway, that was my best friend, confidant, support, extended family, etc. She and I were there for each other through so many things, including marriage problems and traumatic events. Our families were very close.  

And it was all over an email.

I’m not sure how summarize this in short, but I’ll try. Basically, one of my kids had a monthly payment arrangement with her hubby for the purchase of a car. She and I had discussed that “us girls are staying out of this.”  Due to unforeseen employment problems, the payments were being made late. Not past the grace period, but late nonetheless.  I was getting emails from her every time and I patiently passed on the message. No calls were made to the actual payor from the payee. This went on 3 months in a row.  

My friend’s brother-in-law started his own business and was looking for workers.  He ended up hiring my kid.  On the job, casual conversation was taken up, as is usual between employees and employers as they get to know one another.  

In less than two weeks of this employment, I received an inflammatory email from my friend, accusing my child of prioritizing personal gains over obligations to her husband and to other responsibilities such as family and bills.  These accusations were based on conversations with her brother-in-law in which she exchanged information with him regarding their financial/employment arrangements with my child, respectfully.  That’s as simple as I can put it without actually publishing the email in itself.  And the accusations from her “family grapevine,” in her terminology, were based on misinformation and totally out of context. This obviously also caused a strain on the employee/employer relationship of my child.  

Of course, Mama Lion that I am, I defended my child. However, I did it quite diplomatically and with great tact. (I did share this just to get outside opinions.) In return, I received a spiteful, angry response to which I again, responded in the best patient manner as I could, further suggesting that we talk about it in person or on the phone as emailing seemed quite cold and far too black and white. She then said nevermind and that she wouldn’t talk to me about it again. I agreed.  

Employment was mutually terminated due to the uncomfortable situation. TWO payments were made on the car and I emailed her in regard to both.  

I haven’t heard from her since.  

I know there’s two sides to every story and I don’t know what her’s is exactly except for what’s in that email in black and white. I feel offended for myself and my family and I feel that I responded quite well, regardless.  

The rejection and flippant dismissal is painful. But I’m taking it as it is and as each day, each week goes by, it becomes more apparent to me that the friendship is over. This was/is the first time we’ve ever fought in 8 years. Apparently, it’s the last.



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Member Comments

    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Yana Berlin wrote Sep 11, 2008
    • That is a sad story. I feel for you, it is never easy to lose a friend.

      There is a great saying that I’m sure you heard before:

      “If you want to lose a friend, land him money“. Something always happens, but how do you not lend money to a friend when it is needed?

      Like you said there are two sides to a story, and I’m sure she is upset about something, the problem here is those damned emails, text messages, etc., no one ever talks anymore.

      I would let few months go by, and than contact her, if the relationship is so important to you don’t let your emotions get involved, you did what you had to do, you stood by your child, if she was your friend for so many years I’m sure she will understand, if not at least you tried.

      Sending you hugs,
      Yana



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Cheryl Sharpton wrote Sep 11, 2008
    • I agree with Yana.  This woman should come around if she is truly your friend.  I applaud your Mama Lion stance as I would have done the same thing if it were my child.  Family always comes first.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Perl wrote Sep 11, 2008
    • oh shawnii, i’m so sorry that you and  your friend are no longer on speaking terms. all i can think of is that maybe she is in a not-so-good-place and didn’t have the space in her heart to accommodate what was going on with your son and you as mediator. I personally hope that after she is in a better place she will come around and make amends with you because your friendship is more important. hope you’ll be in a good place too so that you can forgive her and everything can come full circle. hugs and blessing for you.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Oldfashionfilly wrote Sep 12, 2008
    • I can relate to your story and feel your pain.  I lost a dear friend several years ago myself.  I was hurt, sad, mad, disappointed.  It is even more painful when it is a family member which has happened to me as well.  As I have gotten older and have tried to work on my personal growth I have found some friends/family members to seem toxic to me. So my circle of friends has gotten smaller over the years but I’m much happier!  I have grown and learned from my experiences and time is a great healer.  The best lesson for me has been not to mix business with friend/family.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Shawnii Johnson wrote Sep 12, 2008
    • Thanks ladies, for your support. I am the type of person that really tries hard to put myself in another’s shoes and always look to myself to find fault that I need to own up to. I am also a very forgiving sort so if and when my friend were to contact me, I’d be quick to open my arms to her. Maybe one day. But for now, life goes on. Have a great weekend everyone!



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