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I know I promised to continue my medical discussion of our libido happy as part of my series on female sexual health, however I am currently in Maui, Hawaii on a much needed vacation with my husband.  My youngest daughter Ava is with us.  She is 9 months old and still breast feeding and I am really enjoying this special cuddle time.  My other daughters are 9 and 12 years old and stayed home in Georgia with my 82 year old and quite active father.  My husband and I decided to visit our daughter Brittany who is 20 and living here in Maui since she had decided to explore her special artistic talents in a location that truly nurtured them.  

I sit now looking out through tall and stoic palms, past the cascading waters and petite wedding chapel to the deep blue of the ocean. The sound of the waves crushing on the rocks reaches me softly.  My husband and daughter are still sleeping surrounded by the oceans smell and the sweet fragrances of Hawaii’s brilliant flora.  As with many of us during our busy and hectic lives, it is few and far between the times I have sat to enjoy these sweet moments in life.  Taking the time to really appreciate what our senses are giving us should be easier than it is and part of our daily practice.  This may be the key to regaining and nurturing the love and intimacy in our personal relationships. Certainly, my expertise is in the hormones, the tricks and tools of the trade, and steps to regaining and balancing our health.  But these spiritual moments, the practice of becoming aware of who we are at any given moment and gratitude for this life, in all its pain and suffering, joys and pleasures, are truly the keys that open the gates o fulfill our goals of love and happiness, which may in reality, be our only purpose for being here.

Often in our personal relationships we, successful women in our forties and beyond, give constantly to all those around us, our partners, our children, our parents, family, friends, occupations, work, etc. etc., and when it comes to what we have done to nurture ourselves, physically, emotionally, spiritually, the list is small.  Yet we are whom those we love count on.  Before we have drained ourselves completely, and yes I speak from personal and professional experience, give back to yourself.  Allow yourself some gratitude, thanks, encouragement and know that your are so worth the time that your take for yourself.  

The intimacy in your relationships will grow when you begin to allow yourself to engage all 5 senses actively and allow yourself to experience pleasure.  We are responsible for creating our own mental and spiritual atmosphere.  Sexual intimacy for many women is about creating an atmosphere that allows us to experience our heightened sexual awareness and sensuality.  For example, to engage the senses:
Sight: use of candles, lingerie, visual erotism
Sound: music, use your voice, express what you feel
Smell: perfume, fragrance, flowers, aroma of food
Taste: using flavors, foods, chocolate - be creative, study your partners flavor
Touch: Share your likes and dislikes, what feels good and what does not, focus your mind on the sensations your are experiencing. If your mind starts to wander, respect those thoughts, but bring it back to the present, your present awareness.
When your senses are fully engaged in the moment your sexual and intimate relationship is experienced more fully and is more pleasurable.  I encourage all of you, this holiday season, to explore the dimensions of your senses and your presence.  You each are beautiful, special, purposeful beings.  

Dr. Anna

PS.   I would like to invite your comments as to what has helped or hindered you in your quest for love, intimacy and sexual satisfaction.  It is a concern of so many women and your comments can help.

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Member Comments

    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Nita P wrote Jan 31, 2012
    • i trust my husband. we are a couple that openly talk about our issues, this can be a painful and raw emotion to go through but it draws us together in strength.  there is healthy respect and deep understanding from each of our perspectives when it comes to intimacy, sex, and love. i feel safe.  i open myself up to the sharing of our bodys, and of our minds.  i  vulnerable, and at the same time feel an inosence.  i truly trust this man with abandonment of caution, fear, loathing, judgement, ridicule etc.  a hinderance now is that i still want lots of intimacy, sex, love, and its satisfaction but he does not.  his love for me has opened our marriage to me finding another man yet still remain a married woman.  it is not an easy task to do, even though that is what i want.  i have had to psyc myself up, i have had to relearn courtship.  this has brought me to strong outbursts of tears, as it reminds me of what i had, of what i deeply miss and of why i must do this.  sex to me, intimacy and my satisfaction from it is a necessity for my upper most health, well being and mentality.  (SO SORRY LOTS OF SPELLING ERRORS.)

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